What Is Codependence? | A Brighter Tomorrow

Loving My Life
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I am a beautiful child of God . . ."My Inner Child."

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What Is Codependence? Feb 19, 2012 11:05:09 GMT -8

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Post by Loving My Life on Feb 19, 2012 11:05:09 GMT -8

This is from my Co-da booklet:
You can use as a tool for self-evaluation.

*Denial Patterns*
-Have difficulity identifying what I am feeling.
-minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
-perceive myself as completely unselfish & dedicated to the well-being of others.

*Low Self Esteem Patterns*
-Have difficulty making decisions.
-I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never good enough.
-Iam embarrassed to receive recognition & praise or gifts.
-I do not ask others to meet my needs & desires.
-I desire others approval of my thinking, feelings & behaviors over my own.
-I do not perceive myself as lovable or worthwhile person.

*Compliance Patterns*
-I compromise my own values & integrity to avoid rejection or others anger.
-I accept sex when I want love.
-Iam very sensitive to how others are feeling & feel the same.
-Iam extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations to long.
-I value others opinion & feelings more than my own.
-I put aside my own interest & hobbies in order to do what others want.

*Control Patterns*
-I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
-I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
-I freely offer others advise & direction w/o being asked.
-I lavish gifts & favors on those I care about.
-I use sex to gain approval & acceptance.
-I have to be needed in order to have a relationship with others.

Last Edit: Nov 29, 2013 11:51:42 GMT -8 by Loving My Life

One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)

Loving My Life
Elder Member

Senior Member

I am a beautiful child of God . . ."My Inner Child."

Posts: 4,139

What Is Codependence? Feb 19, 2012 13:26:22 GMT -8

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Post by Loving My Life on Feb 19, 2012 13:26:22 GMT -8

Luv, feel free to share what your coda recovery suggestions from your handbook.
Leadbelly had ask earlier about codependency....and i just thought this might be helpful to her and others as well.
It was good for me read this again as well. I needed to read this again.

One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)

leadbelly
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What Is Codependence? Feb 19, 2012 14:40:02 GMT -8

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Post by leadbelly on Feb 19, 2012 14:40:02 GMT -8

Excellent snapshot Carolyn and Luv2.....I don't think for one second it's that cut and dried....it's an avalanche of WORK and FOCUS and staying very alert and highly attuned to our every waking moment. One step forward, 3 back. But I need to go forward now...it's my time.

I'm wondering if we could open some dialogue here about what we notice about our own codependent ways....examples, and the the other side, if anyone notices that they have done something different.

I come across really confident and bubbly....and so it makes for huge mood swings for me - someone meets me in one state and then next time in a more subdued way....but all the while playing it outwards. I'd like to wakeup being the same me = JOYfilled. Not even happy. Hate happy :-)

Loving My Life
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Senior Member

I am a beautiful child of God . . ."My Inner Child."

Posts: 4,139

What Is Codependence? Feb 19, 2012 15:01:17 GMT -8

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Post by Loving My Life on Feb 19, 2012 15:01:17 GMT -8

Luv, thanks for adding those also. i will start looking at those until i can get balanced again from my poa distrubing me last week.

LB, no it is not that cut and dry, but it is a starting point, to become aware of what we are doing, so we can make changes for ourselves and our recovery. We do need to be conscious how we react to people, and also our action and how we treat people.
Every action causes a reaction.

One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)

mickey
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Posts: 28

What Is Codependence? Feb 20, 2012 13:19:06 GMT -8

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Post by mickey on Feb 20, 2012 13:19:06 GMT -8

thank you luv for the updated literature. it is always a challenge for me to read the patterns and all then im like. ok. that is what it is but what is the step to change it. these should help along with the 12 steps of course. is it me or does anyone elsr get frustrated at the time for recovery. i guess that is why we r addicts. want the quick fix. i know it will be worth it in the end but ouch, it takes so long. or i think it does.

Loving My Life
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Senior Member

I am a beautiful child of God . . ."My Inner Child."

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What Is Codependence? Feb 20, 2012 16:13:21 GMT -8

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Post by Loving My Life on Feb 20, 2012 16:13:21 GMT -8

luv, when you start working the steps, yes you do feel a little unease, it is no fun, admitting we are powerless and our lives are unmanageable, and looking at ourselves and our part in this stuff, it is not fun, but once you do steps 4-9 and you uncover your character defects, and you tell another humans being, and you ask god to remove your defects, and you start making your amends, you dont have to keep carrying all of this stuff. you are finally free to let it all go. it is a process, there is no time table to work the steps, but you do need to at least try and do one step a week, until step 4, it does take longer, but you need someone to guide you also.

One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)

innerpeace
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Posts: 19

What Is Codependence? Feb 22, 2012 7:17:09 GMT -8

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Post by innerpeace on Feb 22, 2012 7:17:09 GMT -8

That was so very helpful, thank you for sharing! I grew up in a family of heavy drug users. I've heard the term codependence but never really took a look at what it meant. Reading your post, I see that I have a lot of those characteristics. This is very helpful as I'm looking at all of my love addictive patterns. So thank you. I think I need to find a group near me.