So depressed

MB...I am sorry that you're feeling down. I'm too new here to know your story, or to have much useful advice to offer as far as resources go. Still, I thought just knowing your words were read might help a little.

I can only share what I tell myself at times when I feel as you do, and that is that only *I* am responsible for my own happiness. While that sounds harsh, it helps me because when all is said and done...MINE are the only behavior and emotions I CAN control...or change.

Luv: Rude people without manners (which is what is required to make ANY sort of comment about a stranger's physical appearance) are to be found everywhere, and I'm sure that includes recovery groups. It's sad that you felt emotionally injured in a place where you went to for comfort....try to focus on the OTHER people you met there, who were nice (you said the meeting itself was nice.) Also...congrats to you, for standing up for yourself!!! Instead of pretending everything was fine, you let her know she offended you! Wonderful! Maybe it will cause her to think twice the next time.

MB,

Really sorry that you are feeling so down. Reading your posts you are creating a picture in my mind of an individual who has had the petals of her corporate veil bud worn away and you are now down to the stalk.

You have a lot of work to do. But, (and I have said this before), you sound like an individual who has loads of love and friendship to give. The thing about your brother is really odd. However, let me be very clear about your brother - he has much more serious issues to deal with than you do. To deny his sister the pleasure of pseudo parent (ie Godmother) is almost a denial of human rights. I have worked with loads of women all my life and regardless of whether I liked them or not, they all had one thing in common - they were all pseudo parents to their siblings children either as Godparents or not - my head was regularily done in in the mornings with the talk of their siblings kids. Your brother's behaviour is despicable, immoral and completely and utterly wrong- period. Now, I know how hard is is for you to deal with this particular behaviour, but you must understand very clearly that you have no power over his behaviour. Just like Victor Franklin, you gotta work through this. You must reach a situation when the wrongs of an external party (definition:- external party is one which does not live withing hte same body as you) do not affect you. Try and create a situation that you can focus on to something else (something beautiful in your mind) if someone is hurting you. But overall my point here is this:- you have done absolutely nothing to bring the two woes that you describe upon you - these were generated by external parties.

Now, a bit of consolation for you. Today in my bank job I met a married couple (customers) who I had met a few years ago. They were Chinese, absolutely lovely people. As I was chatting with them, the husband passed a comment to me that in comparison with the last time he had met me he said I was fat!!!!! I said yes I know, my mother is always asking me when my baby is due!!! I have read a bit of chinese historical literature and i think I read somewhere that saying to someone that he is fat is actually a compliment. Now, at the time the comment was made to me, I never thought of that. But, I have been described as "the old man", / the older man with the grey hair" by my customers. They have actually said it to me on the phone without realising it. I actually think that its so funney that I am cracking up about it!!! When these custoemrs left , I went in behind the counter and said to my boss, supervisor and colleagues , almost barely able to control myself with laughing that: "I am now officially, the older grey hard fat man who works in the smelly office!" (my air con gets a bacerial infection from time to time and it gives out an unpleasent odor).

MB, sometimes we allow ourselves to take far too many things personally. I'm not saying that is an excuse for that ignorant woman. However, I want to challange you on this one: were you too sensitive when she said what she said or was she really obnoxious? Sometimes, when we have had the petals of our corporate veil bud stripped away so much , we loose the ability to manage the interactions of external parties in a balanced way. I'm not saying on this occasion that this was what happened with that woman. But, I am only suggesting you might keep an open mind about this.

Now for the remedies to help build up and regrow the petals of that corporate veil to protect you. Here's a few suggestions:

1) Inner child work - I have posted much about this, so have others. I think you will find this work so helpful

2) Victor Franklin - read up on him - try to visualise the way he did - the effect he had on his NAZI persecutors was so dramatic, there is something in his philosophy for all of us addicts.

3) Google the following:
a) Learning Strategies corporation -
b) Centrepoint research (holoysync

These 2 organisations produce cd kits which are designed to help alter brainwaves thereby building new nural pathways. I have used these over te last few years and found them to be very helpful

4) Have faith in yourself and believe you will definately recover from where you are today - I believe you have a lot to offer the world - your posts prove it. The tricky thing here is that you must also learn to believe it.

5) The people in your life who don't want to be people in your life (proven by their behaviour alone) should become people in other people's lives. They should become forgettable blanks in your life.

Hope this helps

Brainhealth

Thank you Brain health...I will follow your advice...you are very very kind and intelligent. I sort of got dumped by poa today and I thought it wouldn't sting...but it does....

thanks...my big step today was taking off the jewelery he gave me...for the first time since he gave it to me