|
Post by christabel on Aug 14, 2016 9:29:26 GMT -8
I've been no contact (again) for almost 3 months and just broke it today. I unblocked my phone because I wanted to send a text to my ex-PoA/narcissist to say what I've wanted to say for awhile. For so long I've felt like he's had the power in always saying mean things. I'd gone no contact for almost two years before that. I'd just wanted peace between us when I contacted him back in April. I had mental anguish over his hatefulness and wanted an apology. Since April, he was nice a couple of times and then was a jerk. We hadn't become intimate. I knew better. I just knew me and knew I was going to carry hurt forever and wanted to put it behind me so I was looking for resolution. I've finally realized I can't have that with this type of person.
But I'm a situational narcissist. I want to have power too. That's why I was able to stay away for two years. I was holding my anger over him all that time. I have to let go. I'm still not able to. I can't let go of the idea that I put time and effort into such a complete waste of time. That I made such a huge mistake and it can never be fixed. Today's text was to tell him that he is a disappointment and to not contact me again unless he gets mental help and becomes a decent human being and that I have him blocked. I immediately blocked him again so I can't receive any smart aleck messages from him. It just makes me feel like I got the last word in, instead of him having the last insulting word with me. I realize this seems childish to someone looking in from the outside. I need mental help too! I cant take back anything I've sent to him today, and I don't want to regret any of it. I do want to get a handle on my emotions and not let them rule my life. I didn't feel I could let these feelings go until I sent this text today. There's nothing good about this person but I can't get him out of my mind. I keep trying to work on myself, but my anger at him is just easier to express than what's locked up deep inside.
|
|
barbed wire heart
Junior Member
Technical Support Moderator
2017.....Im ready
Posts: 71
|
Post by barbed wire heart on Aug 19, 2016 2:48:27 GMT -8
I do understand more now about the how's and why my poa is like he is, but I just have to protect myself now. It is just another sad story, we are all just hurt little kids...and if we dont get the help we need, it will come out in unhealthy ways. But we have to first realize something is wrong, and admit this, then the long road to recovery begins. I agree with you LML, we are all hurt. And most importantly, it is our duty to ourselves to protect what is most important-ourselves. Some of them know that they are broken but don't get help, we cant control that nor help them. Sadly, this my story. I have done it all, mirrored him-kept my mouth shut-given him literature on the subject(s) at hand-spoken with him calmly-broken up-sympathized-empathized...........It's draining and they know they are resisting it all. They know what they are doing to you/the relationship. I also feel they can't really help it. Again, not our problem nor our responsibility. Im writing this to you but really to re-assert myself. Good luck to all of us, it's a long journey and we get one shot. Hopefully we can steal a few beautiful moments and create the memories to take with us.
|
|
|
Post by Namaste6 on Aug 22, 2016 9:16:59 GMT -8
I've been no contact (again) for almost 3 months and just broke it today. this is so much like my story. i was in NC for 4 years then contacted him again. then again he acted weird and mind games then i spoke rudely now he is not communicating. some people are just not meant to gel with us. just remove his phone number and since u wont remember it you will eventually loose contact with him Some people just need to try one more time to get it out of their system. Success is getting up one more time than you fall down. You can do it. We are all cheering for you. Here I am . . .
|
|
|
Post by loveelleng on Aug 1, 2017 9:52:36 GMT -8
You are right. By yourself you cannot change. But with God's help you can change. If you read the steps you notice that this is a "we" program. You, God, and Us.
|
|
|
Post by Susan Peabody on Aug 1, 2017 12:15:12 GMT -8
I don't care they are 100%narcissist,50%, or 25%,dangerous. Just let them be far away ... Ellen: Anger right now is appropriate, but don't let it turn into bitterness or resentment. This is only going to hurt you in the long run. As I like to say when the time is right just forgive them from a distance. Not now but when you have peace in your own heart. To forgive does not mean to forget but to "let go of anger," and move on. It does not mean further association or even to love someone. It means to free you from the emotions that wear you down like a wet blanket and keep you for rising up to pursue you own happiness. Also, I am a situational narcissist and you are hurting my feelings. There are many people who have both love addiction and narcissism and we are willing to change. That is what counts right?
|
|
|
Post by Susan Peabody on Aug 1, 2017 12:40:15 GMT -8
I don't care they are 100% narcissist, 50%, or 25%,dangerous. Just let them be far away ... Ellen: Anger right now is appropriate, but don't let it turn into bitterness or resentment. This is only going to hurt you in the long run. As I like to say when the time is right just forgive them from a distance. Not now but when you have peace in your own heart. To forgive does not mean to forget but to "let go of anger," and move on. It does not mean further association or even to love someone. It means to free you from the emotions that wear you down like a wet blanket and keep you for rising up to pursue you own happiness. Also, I am a situational narcissist and you are hurting my feelings. There are many people who have both love addiction and narcissism and we are willing to change. That is what counts right?
|
|
|
Post by loveelleng on Aug 18, 2017 14:03:02 GMT -8
A Narcissist POA is heartless and cruel and will not change. Therefore, no matter how you may feel or how your POA try to seduce you to get back together do not believe him! Do not buy it. It is a trap.
Never ever give a Narcissist a chance especially a second chance. He is highly toxic and painful. He will only abuse and destroy you, cause you pain, damage your self-esteem and block your recovery.I am speaking from my own experience with a Narcissist ex POA and this is the hard lesson I learned. From Susan . . . There are a few exceptions to this; a few people, now and then, once in awhile, once in a blue moon, in small numbers, people who work hard in therapy for a long time etc., change, but let the "normies" or other narcissists handle them. Love addicts are too vulnerable.I CANOT AGREE MORE ! EVERY WORD, EVERY LETTER, I totally agree !!! my mom huge narssarsist. I am trield of playing wolf, playing games with me, being tried of victim..
|
|