|
Post by Loving My Life on Dec 2, 2012 7:50:14 GMT -8
I want to share a reading from my morning meditation.."Courage to Change"
Sometimes it is easier to stay in the problem, instead of working on the solution..
The unpleasant things other people say or do have no power to destroy my peace of mind or ruin my day unless "I" permit it. Do "I" allow myself to respond to the words of a sick person as if they were the ultimate truth? Could "I" possibly be getting some benefits from accepting humiliation?
Sometimes "I" wonder. "I" played the martyr role for a long time. My suffering brought me a lot of "attention" and "pity". "I" grew accustomed to blaming others for my problems, and "I" avoided taking responsibility for my own life. In other words, "I" suspect "I" may have benefited from my pain. But those benefits are no longer worth the price...Are they?
This is the turn-around:
Today "I" am finding out who "I, really am with the help of my HP & the Al-Anon or Coda program. There is a beautiful person within me who has no need to build and identity around suffering. "I" am learning to let that person blossom instead of "hiding behind a cloak of suffering." "I" dont wnat to miss anymore of the wonderful opportunities available to ME to live, grow, and enjoy.
Today's Reminder:
There is so much to appreciate in this life. "I" won't waste another moment feeling sorry for myself.
...the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions & not on our circumstances.
What will you choose today?
Victim/martyr role? or Self-Assurance, and Independent Self?
|
|
|
Post by looking4direction on Dec 2, 2012 19:51:53 GMT -8
independence and self-assurance.
My new goal in recovery.
thanks so much,
Carol
|
|
|
Post by Loving My Life on May 15, 2013 15:08:22 GMT -8
We have to get out of our self pity and we have to take control of our actions, and our recovery, no one can do this for us.
Recovery is a action.
|
|
|
Post by Susan Peabody on May 16, 2013 11:19:49 GMT -8
When I was child I was miserable. I was too young to do anything about my family and the bullies at school, so naturally I felt sorry for myself. At some point, the self-pity was all I had. It became a substitute for healthy self-esteem. By the time I got into recovery, at the age of 32, I had become addicted to self=pity and I was now putting myself in positions to be a victim so I could feel sorry for myself. I got attention this way, which is a poor substitute for love. My sponsor helped me go into remission. I used positive thinking to kick the habit. It began when I took the 4th Step Inventory which helped me understand my part in every situation I found myself in. Then I flipped, and became a stoic person. A martyr. I got attention this way also. Today, I have found balance. When something bad happens, I feel my feelings. I reach out for support and then I move on with my head held high. I don't get stuck in either too much or too little. Call me Goldilocks. Sometimes, I am victimized, but I am not a victim. I make lemonade out of lemons. I move on, leaning on God. I experience what I call "appropriate self-concern." Find balance in your life. God is in the center.
|
|
|
Post by Loving My Life on Nov 8, 2013 6:58:41 GMT -8
I wanted to revisit this original post, we can be in self-pity mode and not even realize it because we have done this for so long. I am reposting this not to make anyone feel bad, but too cause you to pause and think, recovery is about discovery of ones self. And we cant correct any behaviors if we are not even aware that we are doing certain things. Self-pity is self-defeating and it is not healthy in our recovery. Sometimes we just have to surrender to the fact that we don't know what is best for us, and we are not making the healthiest decisions for ourselves. And this is only cause us to grow in a more healthy direction. I have been right here, and it took at while to be able to humble myself enough to hear and accept what other women in my recovery circle was telling me. Acceptance was the answer. I had survival skills when I got to my 12 steps group, and they don't work well when you are trying to recover and change your thinking, and you learn how to cope with life now, and you live life on life's terms, and you just stop trying to control the uncontrollable. Live and Let Live. Self Pity is not your friend. Just become more conscious on your emotions. Attachments:
|
|
|
Post by Loving My Life on Jan 26, 2014 7:19:23 GMT -8
We are so beat down emotionally when we get into recovery, and we use self-defeating words against ourselves. We have been in a emotionally abusive relationship with our poa for awhile, and our poa's have probably said some pretty hateful and nasty things to us along the way, and at some point when we have tried everyway in the world to show this person, just how much we loved them, and nothing has worked up to this point.
Subconsciously, we start to attack our own self's we start repeating all of the nasty degrading words that our poas have said to us, and we start to believe we are not good, and we call ourselves naive, dumb, losers, and anything else you want to put in that pot, AND THIS HAS TO STOP.
We are not any of those words, we are loving, caring, decent human beings, we are the same person we was and who are poa's were attracted to, this is usually why they choose us in the first place, because of these qualities.
So now our job is to find this person again within yourself, DO NOT take on all of the negativity from your poa.
DO NOT attack yourself now. This is what our poa's want to do sometimes, they want to see us destroyed.
Take your power back, start doing your daily affirmations, start looking into a mirror and tell yourself how much YOU LOVE YOURSELF.
Do this for you and no one else.
|
|
|
Post by iselita on Mar 11, 2014 11:36:59 GMT -8
A suggestion on a good book for everyday self esteem.
|
|
|
Post by Loving My Life on Mar 11, 2014 16:27:28 GMT -8
A book that I read was, " The Seven Pillars of Self Esteem, by Nathaniel Braden.
Also you can start doing daily affirmation and start replacing negative thinking with positive thoughts.
I would stand in the mirror and tell myself how much I loved me, until I really believed this.
Enjoy
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2014 22:34:32 GMT -8
I must admit that I am extremely guilty of this. The main thing I struggle with is does this means to let everything go and forget? Especially if its extremely painful. I feel as if I let go my PoA will get off Scott free. I feel like no one will care about my pain. I feel if I let it go I won't be able to protect myself from pain in the future
|
|
|
Post by James C T on Nov 4, 2014 14:47:14 GMT -8
I must admit that I am extremely guilty of this. The main thing I struggle with is does this means to let everything go and forget? Especially if its extremely painful. I feel as if I let go my PoA will get off Scott free. I feel like no one will care about my pain. I feel if I let it go I won't be able to protect myself from pain in the future If your PoA is out of your life, what does it matter to your life if he's punished to the depths of Hell or if he lives the life of Riley? What is important is Maddy's mom. Do something nice and good for her. We all care about your pain. We just want you to eventually be free of it. You can't be as long as you hold onto it. I always liken this process to being shot with an arrow. If the arrow is sticking out of you, it hurts, but you can manage to walk around and live. But you're always in pain. Removing the arrow may hurt more initially, but after it's done, you can truly heal and you won't hurt anymore. And as to protecting yourself from pain in the future, you cannot live and totally protect yourself from pain. That's not the human experience. That said, you can learn from your experience and avoid being with a person such as your PoA. You do that by healing yourself and making yourself less vulnerable to someone like your PoA. We'll help you apply salve to your arrow wound. We'll help you suture the gap. We'll help you rehab the hurt area. We'll help you avoid archers in the future. But only you can remove the arrow. Please do.
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Nov 5, 2014 3:10:39 GMT -8
I must admit that I am extremely guilty of this. The main thing I struggle with is does this means to let everything go and forget? Especially if its extremely painful. I feel as if I let go my PoA will get off Scott free. I feel like no one will care about my pain. I feel if I let it go I won't be able to protect myself from pain in the future If your PoA is out of your life, what does it matter to your life if he's punished to the depths of Hell or if he lives the life of Riley? We'll help you apply salve to your arrow wound. We'll help you suture the gap. We'll help you rehab the hurt area. We'll help you avoid archers in the future. But only you can remove the arrow. Please do. Well-said, James.
|
|
|
Post by abetterlife on Jun 25, 2015 21:08:23 GMT -8
James CT, What a great analogy! Makes perfect sense walking around with that arrow, but always being in pain. Maddysmom, since this posting (realized it was in November), Im curious on how you were able to let it go? And did you realize that you had many people around you?
|
|