So anxious and depressed

It had been five years that I hadn't seen my poa. He tried to contacted me a couple of times the first two-years that we stopped talking. A year ago, I had the mistake of contacting him. I was missing another poa who decided to start talking to someone several miles away from where we live. We went out for a year, and suddenly he told me that he had a girlfriend in another state. I really thought that he wanted me to be his girlfriend, but I was wrong. I was trying to release the pain that I was feeling that made me contact the other poa. He told me that he had a girlfriend. It was fine with me, I was just trying to find a friend. When I noticed that he wanted to sleep with me even though he had a girlfriend, I realized that he was a horrible person. I never saw him and he got mad and stopped talking to me. A couple of months ago, he contacted me again. He broke up with his girlfriend, and wanted to see if he could sleep with him. I always said no. I kind of flirt with him, but I always made sure that he knew that I wasn't interested. I just wanted the company of a man. The company that I have been craving all these years. I finally accepted to go out with him last Saturday, and he tried to sleep with me. I didn't, but I felt so unworthy. He just wanted to sleep with me. I don't want to be with him. I'm not even attracted to him. What hurts me it's that he doesn't respect me and take me for granted. Another thing that it hurts me so much is that he was been with this other woman for almost five years, and I have been with anybody. I really want to be with somebody, but I haven't found the right person. I'm really sad, and anxious. I want to love and be loved. I'm so happy with my life, but I'm really tired of struggling with unhealthy relationships. I'm so afraid of being alone for the rest of my life. I have never been married, and I don't have any children. My dream is to start a family with a healthy man. I'm just terrified