Temptation to break NC

This post was timely for me as well, I too feel the need to contact him today. i too feel connected for some strange reason today. I know that doing so would throw me back into it, and I am not prepared to go through that again...

Things to think about before you are tempted to break NC:

1- First and fore most, you know in doing so you willingly get back on the wild roller coaster ride and return to the hell you are trying to move on from.

We all would at times love to reconnect with our POA's but this is the time when we must strongly recall all of the anger, disrespect, crossing of our boundary's, lies, manipulation, betrayal, pain, insanity, anxiety, sadness, despair and all of the other emotional and mental garbage that came from being connected with this person before. Think about how far you've come, even if its been a week of NC. Time heals all wounds, out of sight, eventually out of mind.

2- How will you feel if your poa doesn't answer the phone or rejects you over the phone? Will you be able to handle this or will it start the cycle of grief, sadness, anger, rejection, anxiety all over again?

When you have thoughts of breaking no contact or even when your thoughts return to your poa try to dismiss these thoughts or urges. I used/use thoughts like 'Nope she can no longer be in my life' or 'Stop wasting time thinking about her' They didn't always work early on but they worked like a charm after a while.

Early in my recovery I tried to dismiss those thoughts and urges this way and they didn't work because my heart and the addicted part of me wouldn't let it work Part of me just wasn't ready to do this. As time went on, when I'd find my thoughts wandering back to poa, the above dismissive thoughts actually worked. I guess it all depends on where the person is in recovery?

The advice given here is excellent, but advice to any addict is hard to follow even when we know it to be good, truthful advice. The key is not to forget the advice here. You may not be emotionally ready to follow some of the advice yet, but must give it and yourself a chance and down the road revisit what you have learned here and apply it during relapses or just when you are going through rough times with the addiction.

PS: I hope that made some sense and that I didn't come across as a pompous ass. I still have thoughts of poa but they are no longer painful nor do they affect my daily emotions anymore. It feels so good. It NEVER would have happened had I not stuck to NC. I just hope we all can break this addiction!!!!!

Here's what I reckon. When we want to break NC we are already on a big adrenaline rush because we're contemplating using our drug of choice. And actually we are already using it. When we are in NC and doing well with it, we are at peace and feel a sense of relief.

This is something I've heard Byron Katie talk about, with my own LA interpretation added in. It's about that- how when we just think about breaking no contact we are actually already using our drug. We don't have to actually contact them, see them, talk to them, touch or sleep with them, text or email them. Just thinking about contacting them creates all the internal chemistry we need for a hit, however fleeting.

Science backs this up. We think about food and we salivate. We think about sex or romance and our body responds. So when we feel the temptation to break NC we're already doing it internally. The chemicals get released in our blood stream and we feel high. We make the mistake of thinking it's got something to do with our special bond with our PoA. It doesn't.

But that doesn't mean we should drop the bundle and go fully into really breaking it. Just know that it's time to reach out and get some help to stay healthy.

It makes sense- as love addicts we are into imagination, we can live in the realm of our fantasy with someone because reality was too hard as children, so we retreated somewhere safer. It became an uncontrollable habit. We either wake up to it and hopefully get into recovery or we don't.

The good side to the power of our imagination is that if we are still feel love for our PoA's but we know there is no going back, we can revisit them in our minds. There they are, we get to see them in our head, hear them and value the connection we had, and avoid fresh doses of the pain we inflicted on ourselves by hanging in there with people who weren't available.

And start to find out why we're not available either.

Correction: Baggage Reclaim

Thanks to everyone for your replies. I use the dismissive thoughts as well Max, they do seem to help.

My co-driver texted me again the next day to tell me he had a conversation with my poa. Poa asked him about me, he was told i'm doing well and that there is now a 5 year restraining order in effect. Poa began the smear campaign which my co-driver could see through. Turns out Poa had no idea we had a court date this month. poa is upset with me now, oh well.

My poa is a LA too and a narc. When I say we have a connection, it's not a "romantic" or "special" thing. In fact it's kind of scary, perhaps somewhat cosmic. He's noticed it too. Too many strange coincidences have been exchanged between us. On a spiritual level I do believe energy can be transferred or exchanged. I believe there is some truth to claims of soul ties and mental connection.

About 3 weeks ago our company safety director privately asked me if poa uses dope because a co-driver reported that he still does. I confirmed that he did when we were together. He swore to me he was off the stuff, but no, he's not. Hearing that upset me. He's also spreading rumors at work that i'm using dope and i'm a gold digger. Whatever. Sick of the madness.

I'm beginning to really enjoy being single. I get lonely sometimes, but the freedom is great. Im going to read that book eventually Mary, it's on my reading list. It's not always easy to keep NC, but my will power and logic are working well with that. I know he struggles with it too, but he's been ordered by 2 different courts to keep NC with me. Both judges suggested I refrain from contacting him, but I wasn't ordered, which infuriated him and caused him to show his behind in court to those judges. Genius move. He's still thinking about me too, I can feel it and the fact that he's asking around work about me confirms it. I wish people at work would quit bringing him up to me honestly. Hopefully he will screw up and fail a drug test and get fired. He's a liability anyway.

Maybe i shouldn't have that attitude, but after all he did to me it's hard not too.