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Post by Jacarandagirl on Dec 24, 2012 3:43:08 GMT -8
Why not get real? Commit to one whole year where you will not go on dating sites or text potential hook ups. One whole year where you have to meet someone in the flesh and they have to just ask you out for it to happen. I committed to about 8 months of not only that, but of no dating anyone, period. OK, I didn't have your addiction to texting and dating, but that only makes it more pertinent to you. It made everything a lot simpler- I was focusing on recovery.
But then, you are still in a relationship. To me that means you need to deal with that one before you even contemplate looking for another one.
Sorry if this sounds harsh. For me it's just true.
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Post by Loveanimals on Dec 24, 2012 8:22:57 GMT -8
LovelyJune - Thanks, yes changing many years of habits is a challenge yet I'm happy that my sex drive isn't as crazy since I started the 12 steps. I have definitely changed in that regard.
Jacarandagirl - my fear of committing to a year is because I'm 41 and my biological clock is ticking. I committed to this until I finish the 12 steps and have been celibate since I started in early Nov. I do need to get out of the marriage part so that's my first priority after the new year. The 12 steps are helping in many ways, I just am having a hard time with the no contact because I see my POA, and then it brings it all back. I've been able to have successful No Contact with ex-POAs whom I don't see all of the time.
I can honestly say I don't want a romance with him (and we never had that, just a fantasy text romance), I miss his friendship because he was a good supportive friend who listened to me when I had my ups and downs especially in my living situation, and I miss sharing in his college athlete experiences that bring me back memories of competing.
Yet not having this insane sex drive and having a lot of sex to try to "win love", and reading over texting is really the biggest change I've seen so far.
Also cutting and blocking ex-POAs is huge, I always liked the attention from them even if I wasn't interested, so I'm glad I'm doing that.
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Post by Loving My Life on Dec 24, 2012 9:03:51 GMT -8
Loveanimals,
You are making progress, in recovery we have to change playmates and our playgrounds or we will be in jeopardy of relapsing.
So you are focused on your age 41, and you think if you dont meet someone now, you will be alone for the rest of your life, is this correct?
If this is a fear of yours, this would be a good place to dig more deeper into and see why you feel this way. I am 52, and I dont really think about this, because I feel like no matter how old we get, we are still ourselves inside, and it has nothing to do with age, how you look or any of these things, beauty starts on the inside.
Do some google searches on life after 40, and they say that 40 is the new 20, and they also say life begins at 40, so find some uplifting books and resources for people who are over 40.
It is only a number, right?
You have alot going for yourself, I can see this in your post, so start finding the positives in being 40 and fabulous.
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Post by Loveanimals on Dec 25, 2012 12:46:05 GMT -8
Hi LmL,
It's not so much of a fear of being alone (my grandmother was alone from age 50 to 97 and she thrived!), it's more of my biological clock ticking. That part drives me nuts because men do not have to worry about these things, yet as the Serenity prayer says, I cannot change that fact.
But yes definitely making progress, feel SO much less obsessed than I was 2 months ago and living life, make daily gratitude lists, pray when I didn't before, no longer am living by my phone for texts. So I have to realize that I won't change overnight, it took 15+ years of behaviors to get here, I have to focus on the positive changes.
To be honest part of me would like to be as happy as Grandma, alone and THRIVING without a man! I guess I have to decide if it's worth rushing into something to have a baby or be happy with the child I have, even if that means she will not have any siblings. I'm an only child and I turned out OK because I never knew what I missed in terms of brothers and sisters.
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