Post by Jacarandagirl on Dec 22, 2012 14:11:19 GMT -8
This is an AA passage quoted in Don't Call it Love, Recovery from Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way though. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realise that God is doing for us what we would not do for ourselves.
The Promises. Since they first appeared in the Big Book of AA in 1939, these words have inspired millions. Their truth has been verified by countless stories in the lives of AA memebers. The Promises are an open-ended recipe for those struggling with addiction. If you take these 12 steps, you can have a predictable result. The Promises say "we will be amazed before we are half-way through."
For . . . [love] addicts in their second and third years of recovery, "half-way through" was truly amazing. We were able to measure dramatically improvements in career status, financial stability, friendships, ability to cope with stress, spirituality and self image.
When we asked people in our survey what they considered the gifts of recovery, their responses read like the Promises. The following list ranks these gifts in order of significance to those surveyed:
1. Empathy and compassion. Love and acceptance of others and understanding of human suffering were universally recognised as the most important gift of recovery. The wrenching changes required of addicts deepened their existential sympathy for others.
2. Introduction to spiritual life. Addicts also universally acknowledged that recovery helped them cultivate a spiritual life. For many, this spiritual experience was new.
3. Ability to care about self. By confronting the shadows of self-hatred and shame, addicts increased their self-esteem and developed the ability to care for themselves. This also was new for many.
4. Learning about family. Recovery forced many to learn about their family of origin and family dysfunction. Relationship issues that had seemed mysterious became clarified through therapy, reading and the recovery process.
5. Friendships. Connecting with others became a primary concern, as interpersonal skills grew and as recovering people learned the value of a healthy relationship.
6. Realism about life. Addicts used words like "problem solving", "perseverance", and "resourceful" in describing the changes in their lives.
7. Reduced perfectionism. Patience, kindness and acceptance of oneself and others started to compete with the "do-it-right" messages of childhood in the shame-based family.
8. Demthologised sexuality. Many were grateful that their misperceptions around sex had been dispelled. The old myths had preserved addicts' sexual shame. [Demystify romantic love. Move it down your priority list after self-esteem, spiritual love, compatibility etc.]
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way though. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realise that God is doing for us what we would not do for ourselves.
The Promises. Since they first appeared in the Big Book of AA in 1939, these words have inspired millions. Their truth has been verified by countless stories in the lives of AA memebers. The Promises are an open-ended recipe for those struggling with addiction. If you take these 12 steps, you can have a predictable result. The Promises say "we will be amazed before we are half-way through."
For . . . [love] addicts in their second and third years of recovery, "half-way through" was truly amazing. We were able to measure dramatically improvements in career status, financial stability, friendships, ability to cope with stress, spirituality and self image.
When we asked people in our survey what they considered the gifts of recovery, their responses read like the Promises. The following list ranks these gifts in order of significance to those surveyed:
1. Empathy and compassion. Love and acceptance of others and understanding of human suffering were universally recognised as the most important gift of recovery. The wrenching changes required of addicts deepened their existential sympathy for others.
2. Introduction to spiritual life. Addicts also universally acknowledged that recovery helped them cultivate a spiritual life. For many, this spiritual experience was new.
3. Ability to care about self. By confronting the shadows of self-hatred and shame, addicts increased their self-esteem and developed the ability to care for themselves. This also was new for many.
4. Learning about family. Recovery forced many to learn about their family of origin and family dysfunction. Relationship issues that had seemed mysterious became clarified through therapy, reading and the recovery process.
5. Friendships. Connecting with others became a primary concern, as interpersonal skills grew and as recovering people learned the value of a healthy relationship.
6. Realism about life. Addicts used words like "problem solving", "perseverance", and "resourceful" in describing the changes in their lives.
7. Reduced perfectionism. Patience, kindness and acceptance of oneself and others started to compete with the "do-it-right" messages of childhood in the shame-based family.
8. Demthologised sexuality. Many were grateful that their misperceptions around sex had been dispelled. The old myths had preserved addicts' sexual shame. [Demystify romantic love. Move it down your priority list after self-esteem, spiritual love, compatibility etc.]
