Fantasy Crushes | A Brighter Tomorrow

goldberry
New Member

Posts: 32

Fantasy Crushes Jan 28, 2013 23:32:52 GMT -8

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Post by goldberry on Jan 28, 2013 23:32:52 GMT -8

I've never had a "real" boyfriend that's lasted very long. I've just had these fantasy relationships that's been in my own head. Or long distance relationships that didn't go anywhere.

I've always lived in a fantasy world, ever since I was small. I used fantasy to comfort myself when I felt neglected or afraid as a child. I honestly think I felt so rejected as a child, I kind of split off from myself and created these magical relationships in my imagination. I don't remember having any good feelings about myself.

This is SO embarrassing, but I had an obsessive crush on Professor Snape, a character from the Harry Potter movies. The last movie triggered it. I was daydreaming so much that I got into trouble about it at work. I like to write, and I even wrote a full length Harry Potter fan fiction novel online!

Then that slid into a crush on the actor who plays Snape, Alan Rickman, and I cyberstalked him like a lunatic.

Then a photographer I knew at work acted like he was infatuated with me, and immediately my crush on Snape/ Alan Rickman disappeared. It switched to an obsessive crush on this guy in real life. Then I cyperstalked him like a lunatic, on FB, you tube, etc...

I'm spending all my energy on these dead-end crushes. I'm not really facing anything in my real life at all.

I'm a really creative person, and I love to write. I recently graduated with MA degrees in English and Journalism, and I'm wasting my time obsessing about unavailable men.

I haven't done anything with my education. I've been really scared, I think. Scared to grow up, maybe? Scared to have a real career?

So tonight I blocked my crush on FB, and I hid my Harry Potter movies.

I've got to face a lot of things in my life that I've been avoiding. I have this boring job in a restaurant that I hate.

I've got to find constructive things to do besides daydreaming! I'm also a food addict, and I'm 100 lbs overweight. Somehow, food and fantasy have always gone together for me.

Does anybody have any good ideas?

wahinewha
Senior Member

To live life with purpose, keeping a positive mindset while achieving my goals and desires.

Posts: 257

Fantasy Crushes Jan 29, 2013 1:29:30 GMT -8

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Post by wahinewha on Jan 29, 2013 1:29:30 GMT -8

Ahhhhhh yes Fantasy, we are twins.

Our fantasy world has definitely been a self defense mechanism for us in our past. It's a escapism that always works.

While you are doing your behavioral changes, make sure you add daily exercise to your routine.

Commitment to change, reading new information and prayer, are our tools.

LovelyJune
Elder Member

You teach people how to treat you.

Posts: 6,660

Fantasy Crushes Jan 29, 2013 9:28:14 GMT -8

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Post by LovelyJune on Jan 29, 2013 9:28:14 GMT -8

Welcome! I too am a writer, and have had similar crushes, and lived in a similar fantasy world. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's actually more common than you think! It is, however, an unhealthy way to live, and while it may have been a fantastic defense mechanism when you were a kid, it serves only to stunt your growth now.

So….good job for coming here, recognizing the problem and seeking help. But a word of caution…you cannot just STOP obsessing by blocking facebook accounts or other accounts. You need to replace your unhealthy obsession with something healthy. Luckily there are a million things to do! You simply need to start LIVING to find them. Start by reading as much as you can on love addiction. Then try to get out of your "fantasy word" and into the real one by creating tasks for yourself, going to the movies, walking down the street, trying to meet people. Get out of your comfort zone and don't have too high expectations of the real world. It may initially disappoint you until you have really given up the fantasy world.

Hope this helps!

Girl Rebuilt www.girlrebuilt.com

“I was a late bloomer. But anyone who blooms at all, ever, is very lucky. ”- Sharon Olds

goldberry
New Member

Posts: 32

Fantasy Crushes Jan 30, 2013 21:13:11 GMT -8

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Post by goldberry on Jan 30, 2013 21:13:11 GMT -8

Thanks, guys! I checked out the Lovely Addict blog, and it's amazing! Very thoughtful and well written. I was in love with Captain Kirk too. ;D

I read "The 500 pound elephant in the room," and it fits me so well. I haven't really grown up in a lot of ways. I'm in my 40's and I'm still quite dependent on my mother. I don't have a career. I haven't really been thriving, I've just been kind of surviving.

My parents were very critical while I was growing up, I couldn't do anything well enough. Whatever I did, I was a failure. Now I have a mountain of anxiety when it comes to dealing with people in "The Real World."

I would like to be a freelance editor/proofreader. I'm really struggling with terror about sending out my resumes. I'm scared that I will make mistakes and people will think I'm an idiot.

I go to a recovery group called, "Celebrate Recovery," and I've gone through the 12 steps. I've become much more outgoing than I used to be, but I still struggle with feeling disappointed with people and activities.

Writing seems to help a bit with my obsessive daydreaming. Maybe because I feel like I've accomplished something and so I feel better about myself.

LovelyJune
Elder Member

You teach people how to treat you.

Posts: 6,660

Fantasy Crushes Jan 31, 2013 4:22:48 GMT -8

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Post by LovelyJune on Jan 31, 2013 4:22:48 GMT -8

It takes a while to get up the courage to participate in the world. Sometimes I really have to push myself. Don't be afraid to push yourself into uncomfortable situations. That's the only way you will change and grow.

And thanks for enjoying my blog!!!

Girl Rebuilt www.girlrebuilt.com

“I was a late bloomer. But anyone who blooms at all, ever, is very lucky. ”- Sharon Olds