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Post by mlchris on Feb 19, 2013 9:32:59 GMT -8
I can feel myself spiraling downward. I am so lonely and depressed. I miss my boyfriend so much since he passed. He was my best friend and I could talk to him about anything. I want him back so badly.
Then this psycho alcoholic that took advantage of me just shut me out completely, won't even talk to me. I still can't figure out why it bothers me so bad. I don't need him in my life.
All I want to do is cry. Pathetic I know, but I can't seem to do anything else right now.
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Hurting
Feb 19, 2013 10:00:05 GMT -8
Post by Loving My Life on Feb 19, 2013 10:00:05 GMT -8
mlchris,
And that is what you need to do for yourself today, just cry and pamper yourself. You need to take some time for yourself to grieve your loss, and not look for another man right now, this is not going to help anything.
Find other healthy options for yourself right now.
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Post by mlchris on Feb 19, 2013 10:31:21 GMT -8
That is what I want to do but I can't be happy with that. I need someone to hold me, I can't be happy unless another man is there to comfort me. God I hate being like this.
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Hurting
Feb 19, 2013 12:09:02 GMT -8
Post by allie1 on Feb 19, 2013 12:09:02 GMT -8
Hi mlchris, I'm so sorry for your loss. Do you believe in a higher power? I was a skeptic myself, but one night while I was feeling the way you do, I decided to try talking to God (or whatever you want to call it). The main thing I wanted to know was why he created me. The next day, I woke up feeling different. He led me to an answer. The more I prayed, the stronger I felt. I was completely transformed. A similar thing might happen for you. I know you feel like a man is the only thing that can make you happy, but there are so many other things in life to smile about! Don't give up  |
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Post by mlchris on Feb 19, 2013 12:19:08 GMT -8
I know this sounds terrible, but I've almost lost faith in my HP. The reason I say this is because I prayed my hardest when my boyfriend was sick...I prayed more than I've ever prayed and He took him anyway. Then this other guy came along...and because of the timing and the consequences I was convinced that He sent him to me for a reason. Well I was apparently wrong about that too...it seems like lately the only things I've believed in have been either falsely presented to me or taken away from me. I'm devastated and broken down and I feel like I'm beyond repair now.
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Hurting
Feb 19, 2013 13:30:10 GMT -8
Post by allie1 on Feb 19, 2013 13:30:10 GMT -8
No, I completely understand! It's normal for you to feel this way. Take some time to grieve and let all your emotions out. But when you're ready to feel better again, it might be time to find comfort in something other than men. It seems like you're looking for a guy to complete you and make everything okay, but has that ever worked out for you? It can only lead to more hurt. Life is constantly changing and, though we all dream of meeting that guy who's going to stay with us forever, the only person you can always count on is yourself. You're so set on your vision of happiness - Happily Ever After with a man - but I believe there's a much better, more fulfilling kind of happiness out there for you. Since you've prayed a lot to your HP, maybe you could try listening to him for a change. I think he has stuff to tell you and incredible plans in store for you, but you're so fixed on what you want that it's making you closed off to them. That's just my take on the situation.
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Hurting
Feb 19, 2013 14:39:30 GMT -8
Post by Susan Peabody on Feb 19, 2013 14:39:30 GMT -8
That is what I want to do but I can't be happy with that. I need someone to hold me, I can't be happy unless another man is there to comfort me. God I hate being like this. You will never get better with this mindset. Your words are what make you a love addict. "I cannot" becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. What would you do if all the men disappeared. You would make due and find something out there to make you happy. Writing and traveling make e happy. In my opinion we should not turn to God with such an unimportant thing as romantic love. Do not say, "God I hate . . ." as if to imply he is holding back your happiness (I apologize if I misunderstand your point). Making the decision to think this way is what is making you unhappy, not the events in your life. This is your present task. Positive thinking. Prioritizing in light of what is going on in the world. We have a complete forum on that. Good luck with this. P.S. When you get older this will be easier. At my age pleasure is the absence of pain. That is what makes me happy; no current crisis. Best wishes, Tough love Butterflygirl. |
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Post by mlchris on Feb 19, 2013 16:39:16 GMT -8
Older? I am 41 years old, I have been like this all my life. And I know I won't get better with the mindset I'm having right now, but that is how weak I am...I was getting better before I lost my boyfriend, but my losing him has put me right back at the bottom again. I feel like an infant again. Its almost gotten the best of me this time.
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Hurting
Feb 19, 2013 18:55:39 GMT -8
Post by tender on Feb 19, 2013 18:55:39 GMT -8
hello michris,
i think it is amazing that you are posting. it must be so hard, even to summon enough strength and hope to even post when you are as devastated by grief and nearly defeated as you describe. i am touched by your courage. i never had the courage to post when i was in deep grief, and it made things much worse because i got completely isolated. please don't stop posting. you are not alone. you can tell us how bad it really is. we hear you. i just joined today. yours is the first post i read. i am so sorry your best friend, your man, has died. it makes me cry just thinking of your pain. i am thankful you had him. how long did you have him. i am glad that you got to know real love. maybe he, in your heart, in spirit, is the man who can comfort you. love never dies
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Hurting
Feb 19, 2013 20:00:29 GMT -8
Post by estrella on Feb 19, 2013 20:00:29 GMT -8
michris, thank you for sharing. despite all things I still surrender to higher power and death is not the end of it. I do not just believe I had experiences in life showing it to me; for his sake do not accept male junk in your life, wait for the one of whom he would feel proud, try to use it as a measure. Lots of bad thing often happen to people whos loved ones pass away because this I when we are so vulnerable. do not think of that psycho, sometimes there are flowers and sometimes it is just weeds.
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Hurting
Feb 19, 2013 20:20:38 GMT -8
Post by allie1 on Feb 19, 2013 20:20:38 GMT -8
I know I won't get better with the mindset I'm having right now, but that is how weak I am I don't think you're weak! It takes courage to admit you have a problem and talk openly about it. You've accomplished so much already, don't ever feel otherwise. Changing a mindset doesn't happen overnight. Baby steps We're all really proud of you and grateful for your posts |
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Post by mlchris on Feb 20, 2013 1:38:22 GMT -8
Thank you all for your encouragement. Yesterday was a really hard day for me. I know I need to learn to love myself and to stop looking for comfort in men...it is so very hard for me. But Im tired of being miserable. I just need to find the strength to get up and do it.
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Hurting
Feb 21, 2013 4:23:21 GMT -8
Post by Jacarandagirl on Feb 21, 2013 4:23:21 GMT -8
Sometimes the only thing we can do is to get through the next hour, ten minutes, afternoon, whatever it takes to be kind to yourself. There IS a reason this is happening in your life. One day you may look back and see exactly what you learned from this that you never could have learned any other way. That's how it works here.
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