Post by sunflwrs4evr on Mar 23, 2013 12:32:29 GMT -8
Since my abstinence of mood altering substances, alot of feelings have been coming up. I sat with them today and cried and felt and wrote and now I am posting.
I am grateful for the feelings and then the connections of all of the feelings. Here is what I have come up with so far.
I have been to a point shutting out my boyfriend this past week. It seems like every time he pushing me I pull away. We have talked about the reasons we do, and said we wont do it anymore and we still continue. For me I didn't totally shut him out like I use to do my entire life to people. However I will send him a text or a call, this time i went a couple of days without talking with him on the phone and I just really felt the sadness and loneliness I have felt in my early childhood days.
Personally I am so not into his calls and texts when I need to chill out when I need to chill out. The more i do that the more he calls and texts.
As I am feeling these feelings my dad is coming up. He would and still does today, emotionally shut down from me. If he felt I did something wrong he would shut me out for long periods of time growing up. Just connecting with all those feelings were very overwhelming for me. However I did and this time I did it with my hp and the answers I got was forgiveness and acceptance. I had to verbally say the words I forgive myself, I forgive my father, I forgive my mother, and I accept what happened in the past and today I can forgive, accept and let God and give it to my hp. It never belong to me. It was my parents stuff and I took it on because I didnt know any better. I know better today and I have to work all of my programs to continue with my recovery.
I would love to hear how other members Let go of their feelings and dig deep to get answers and keep it moving. Sun
Post by Jacarandagirl on Mar 24, 2013 2:24:30 GMT -8
The twelve steps with a sponsor
"You deserve better than something that may be comfortable for you but you already know doesn't work and that you'll be complaining about soon enough and hoping that something or someone else will do what you can't even do for yourself. You deserve better - you deserve change".
Excerpt from www.baggagereclaim.com
Post by Loving My Life on Mar 24, 2013 5:16:41 GMT -8
Sun, what one of my sponsor suggested to me is to write this out on a 4th step, and write out all the hurts and pains your are feeling from these people, this is the first part of the 4th step, then you do the 2nd part of the 4th step and this is our part. And once we get thru with this, we sit down with our sponsor, and we tell it all, and we are to let it go. We are not supposed to keep hanging on to this hurt and pain.
You can also write a letter and put it in a GOD box, or you can burn it and be done with it. It is a process. I still catch myself letting these resentments and hurt and pain, and rejections from my brother and sister, that I have felt all of my life, they keep rearing their ugly heads, but I will not allow them to fester any longer, I process and move on. I know I do not owe my brother or sister an apology, and I know it was not my fault the way they have acted towards me all of my life, so I just remove myself. It hurts but we can not change people. We can only change ourselves.
We do not have to keep carrying this baggage. It is not our burden to carry.
One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)
Hi Sun, yes, if you have a sponsor and work the steps, that helps. I am working through the steps and have a sponsor. For me, sometimes it's easy to process feelings and move on, and for other feelings/issues, they seem to come up over and over again. I am bringing them up to my HP, it's about surrendering. I get the concept but not always easy for me. Other things I do to get through the feelings -
- I actually sit with the feelings and feel it through my body and reflect on where it is in my body, what images in my mind that I am seeing, it's like watching the wave coming, I know it's coming - instead of running away from it like I usually do, I breathe and then I surrender into the feeling. I don't do it everytime, but that is one tool I do -I journal -I walk; excersize -I call my sponsor or support people and talk it through with them (only people I trust0 -I read a book about what I am going through or google an article to see if others can relate, or read this forum/post -I meditate; sometimes after meditation, I can see more solutions to my issues or see a different view -I pray -I see a therapist every 3 weeks
Some days aren't so good, I find I can't be there 100% for my feelings all the time. I find sometimes I can be totally down with no hope one day and then literally the next day, things look a lot better. And I didn't do anything special to make that happen. So I try my best not to overanalyze my feelings too much because they come...they go...
And if it's too much, honestly, I will just sleep and hope for a better day tomorrow, or watch mindless TV, or eat chocolate.
You mentioned a little bit of push-pull in your post. I am not sure I exactly follow, but for what it's worth, when I was also in my addiction (other addictions too), I did push-pull alot with people. If they get too close, or if things look good and I feel connected, I tend to pull away. Like I need space or something to process. It's not just with love interests, it is with all people. Sometimes when you need to chill out, I totally understand that. For other people though, on the other side, like I had a friend tell me that she doesn't understand why I have to pull away sometimes or seem 'distant' and that she thought it was her fault or something she did. It didn't occur to me pulling away could hurt other people, it is just something I do....but I always come back around. All I can say is I relate not sure if I have a solution.
Look, dealing with feelings after self-medicating with anything is not easy. Just take it one day at a time. Try not to do or expect too much too early in the process. You can do it, one day at a time, to get to know yourself much deeper, get to know what you want out of life, see your past patterns, surrender to your hp, and over time, things will get better.
Post by sunflwrs4evr on Mar 24, 2013 20:02:51 GMT -8
thanks everyone LML...this is true we dont have to carry their baggage anymore. I thought that i worked on alot of those issues...it seems like more and more stuff just comes up ...its never ending ....It's funny how i know all of this but yet i always have to be reminded...I think its my inner child that forget its all too....
Yes Jac...time to do the 12 steps again...
Vivien...thanks so much for sharing so much with me And yes i too need alot of time to process and I at times just dont even want to explain it at the time I am going thru it. I snap out of it, just need to go through it. It depends on the situation, I just try to do the next right thing.
I have to take care of me first this time.
Yes I do know that shutting people out can and is hurtful. I understand that, however I at times need that space and I just have to walk thru it. I dont shut people out like I use to, I learned the lesson and i will just give a text and say I will call later and thats it until i am ready. I dont like to goin from one full day of mental stuff without trying to put it in its own perspective. And then filling myself back up again, is all i need.
And hopefully people will recognize that and respect that. Sun
- I actually sit with the feelings and feel it through my body and reflect on where it is in my body, what images in my mind that I am seeing, it's like watching the wave coming, I know it's coming - instead of running away from it like I usually do, I breathe and then I surrender into the feeling. I don't do it everytime, but that is one tool I do
I'm really digging this. Not many people naturally get up the courage to really face their feelings and not bury them or avoid them.
Last Edit: Dec 12, 2017 22:07:36 GMT -8 by Deleted