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Post by overcome on Nov 15, 2012 17:47:42 GMT -8
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Post by Havefaith on Nov 16, 2012 4:13:02 GMT -8
I find this fascinating -- and a little scary as to how much I can relate to it. Definitely going to bring it up to my psychiatrist! Thanks for sharing this.
HaveFaith
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Post by Loveanimals on Nov 16, 2012 8:40:26 GMT -8
Interesting, I have OCD tendencies as well, as does the family.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Nov 16, 2012 13:46:58 GMT -8
Love addiction and personality disorders go hand in hand. Love addiction is a way to self-medicate other problems. The addiction is just a manifestation of the underlying disorder. An example is the codependent love addict OCD Borderline Splitting (all of nothing thinking) Attachment Disorder Erotomania Narcissistic tendencies Codependency Any others? Article www.treatment4addiction.com/addiction/behavioral/love/
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Post by Loveanimals on Nov 16, 2012 19:27:56 GMT -8
I've met a lot of love addicts who have eating disorders......as they diet for the object of their affection. I'm still trying to figure out which to tackle first.....I've worked on the ED for many years yet I think without working on love addiction the ED just returns for me to diet for POA attention.
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Post by LovelyJune on Nov 17, 2012 3:52:28 GMT -8
I've met a lot of love addicts who have eating disorders...... I'm still trying to figure out which to tackle first..... If you are not working on both at the same time, I strongly believe you are missing the point of how to get healthier. It does not matter what you are addicted to, what matters is the core behavior of being addicted. The addictive personality. Because what will happen is that you'll takle these two addiction and a third will pop up to take its place. It's crucial to recovery to understand that more than addicts or obsessives, we are AVOIDERS of ourselves. What are you avoiding? WHat are you afraid of? What don't you want to face? Focus on that and face it….
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Post by overcome on Nov 17, 2012 5:14:39 GMT -8
So, I'm a little confused. Are you saying those with LA also have a personality disorder? If this were a personality disorder, then wouldn't it's manifestation be less dependent on the other person? It seems in most cases of LA - the other person does play a role in the unhealthy manifestation. I suppose this excludes the total fantasy addict who is addicted to someone they barely know. At least in my experience, the only people (friends or romantic) I get addicted to have highly narcisstic traits (and often the friends also have EDs, as some of you mentioned you also suffered from). So, I realize I have some form of anxious/avoidant attachment - but this does not spill over into all my relationships, many of which are long-lasting and very healthy. Wouldn't a personality disorder be a dark cloud over them all? I'm just trying to get clear on what the underlying issue is as I don't feel a personality disorder truly fits. Love addiction and personality disorders go hand in hand. Love addiction is a way to self-medicate other problems. The addiction is just a manifestation of the underlying disorder. An example is the codependent love addict OCD Borderline Splitting (all of nothing thinking) Attachment Disorder Erotomania Narcissistic tendencies Codependency
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Post by Loveanimals on Nov 17, 2012 16:56:07 GMT -8
I've met a lot of love addicts who have eating disorders...... I'm still trying to figure out which to tackle first..... If you are not working on both at the same time, I strongly believe you are missing the point of how to get healthier. It does not matter what you are addicted to, what matters is the core behavior of being addicted. The addictive personality. Because what will happen is that you'll takle these two addiction and a third will pop up to take its place. It's crucial to recovery to understand that more than addicts or obsessives, we are AVOIDERS of ourselves. What are you avoiding? WHat are you afraid of? What don't you want to face? Focus on that and face it…. Just dealing with a tough living situation separated but living together. Don't want to face it because it becomes stressful and there are too many unknowns right now....so I escape with love addiction and dieting. Now I have to face it more, and it's tough.
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Post by LovelyJune on Nov 18, 2012 5:16:48 GMT -8
Yes, you do have to face your situation, BRD. It's called growing up. Taking responsibility. When you face it you are able to solve problems, grow, change, LIVE. When you run away and bury your head in the sand with these other distractions, you deny yourself a REAL life fully worth living.
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Post by moonlitvein on May 14, 2015 7:20:32 GMT -8
Love addiction and personality disorders go hand in hand. Love addiction is a way to self-medicate other problems. The addiction is just a manifestation of the underlying disorder. An example is the codependent love addict. Here are some other combinations. OCD Borderline Splitting (all of nothing thinking) Attachment Disorder Erotomania Narcissistic tendencies Codependency Any others? I have a compulsive behaviour from my childhood and I have not been able to stop it till today.
1. I talk aloud to myself when alone. Many children do this but outgrow it after a certain age. I haven't been able to. Not fully at least. I begin talking almost without my being aware of it. But the minute I am aware of it, now I can stop it immediately. BUT I STILL DO IT COMPULSIVELY.
2. I always have had a tendency to use nonsense words compulsively. I generally use it lovingly/jokingly with selected people I am close to but also when I am a bit bored. I read a while back in a website that people with OCD tend to use nonsense words. This trait also has a term which I can't remember. I just can't find that website. Three people in my family has the same trait (mother, aunt,uncle).
Can you throw any light on this? I'm better at dealing with it now. I can check myself. But I still grapple with it & can't bring it under control.
Can anyone else relate to this? I haven't really found much help regarding this matter.
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Post by Susan Peabody on May 15, 2015 13:29:56 GMT -8
It is harmless whether it continues or not. I used to sleep in a bunk bed with my first granddaughter and she talked herself to sleep. I thought it was the sweetest thing. The trick is to do this self-talk as an adult using recovery affirmations. Remember that we are all perfectly imperfect and all are little quirks are just God's imprint. Isabelle . . .
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Post by LovelyJune on May 16, 2015 3:22:02 GMT -8
I talk aloud to myself when alone. This is not a disorder! Why put a negative spin on it? Why control it? This is a FABULOUS, BEAUTIFUL, UNIQUE QUALITY that makes you, you! And guess what, I do it too. So does my youngest son. Every once in awhile I'll catch him and I love to listen. I always thought this trait in me came from a love of language and the sound of the human voice. I used to pretend I was on stage, acting. I still do. I have loud discussions with other people to myself (out loud), I give speeches to crowds (out loud), I sing out loud, and I talk nonsense out loud! I think our satisfaction with ourselves is 99% PERSPECTIVE. If you perceive your traits and qualities to be good ones, then they are. If you perceive your traits and qualities to be bad then they are. MOSt (not all) personality traits are neutral, UNTIL we define them one way or the other. So.....keep talking to yourself as loudly as you'd like! Let the neighbors hear
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Post by moonlitvein on May 16, 2015 5:28:23 GMT -8
This is not a disorder! Why put a negative spin on it? Why control it? This is a FABULOUS, BEAUTIFUL, UNIQUE QUALITY that makes you, you! And guess what, I do it too. So does my youngest son. Every once in awhile I'll catch him and I love to listen. I always thought this trait in me came from a love of language and the sound of the human voice. I used to pretend I was on stage, acting. I still do. I have loud discussions with other people to myself (out loud), I give speeches to crowds (out loud), I sing out loud, and I talk nonsense out loud! You are totally kidding me! All this while I've been thinking this is obsessive compulsive behaviour. I do exactly the same things that you do. Did you feel that everyone is watching you give a brilliant performance and clapping? I have loud discussions with people and especially friends too (where I am giving them advice). With time I've realized that, often, this is a way of giving myself advice.
But I have never thought of this as "normal" or looked at it as a love for talking,expression and language. Thanks for this perspective LJ. It is such a new way of looking at words & expressions. It will take some time for me to get used to the idea. I have always seen it as an outlet but never as a positive one unless I channelise it creatively. In my case I will have to replace negative talking & fighting aloud and imaginations though. Ohh I am so grateful to you and Susan for telling me this is totally harmless & not a disorder. love MV
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Post by moonlitvein on May 16, 2015 5:50:43 GMT -8
Isabelle . . . She is adorable . I used to come back from school as a kid, go behind the bed and talk aloud to my classmates. My mother still remembers it and fondly talks about it. I chatted with people in the bathroom with imaginary people while bathing & my parents heard it. After a particular age I was made to believe this was "mad" behaviour. I, in fact thought that this is harming me because often I do it so much that it saps my energy. So I desperately wanted to suppress it. But the way you and LJ have put it I see a new way of looking at it. And yes, I am using it for recovery affirmations. My negative talking is slowly going away but will take some time. This is a revelation! Thanks to you and LJ Love Moonlitvein
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Post by LovelyJune on May 16, 2015 9:51:39 GMT -8
Strenuous exercise or professional singing zaps you of energy too
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Post by moonlitvein on May 16, 2015 10:05:35 GMT -8
I dance sometimes to music after putting on youtube. And it's great. It saps me of energy but it's good sapping. Great reminder! Will try that more
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Post by Susan Peabody on May 16, 2015 10:52:55 GMT -8
Learning this is part of you self-esteem recovery work. I bet there are a lot of negative thinking that has to go when appraising yourself. You are perfectly imperfect and live in the shadow of God's perfection. You are not to hide your quirks but enjoy them and show them off. Any blemishes you have makes you more unique and special. I look forward to your affirmations about yourself.
I am ok. I am fine. I am as good as anyone else. I have special talents. I am a child of God and he does not make any junk. I am a work in progress. Be patient God is not through with me yet. I can carry on. I am unique and special. I am loveable I am a survivor I am a success . . .
. . . to be continued.
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Post by moonlitvein on May 16, 2015 22:49:33 GMT -8
Yes. I have my affirmations too:
It is time for a great change. I can feel it coming. In fact it has already started. I have my own tools.Let me use it. Guardian Angel, I know you are looking after me. I can and will do this. I am very strong. I am a survivor. I have survived difficulties in the past. I can survive this too. Tomorrow I am going to receive good news... I know it (Night Affirmation)
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