Do you ever feel like no one likes you?

Many of us struggle with mistaken beliefs. A book that has helped me tremendously in this area is Dr. Jeffrey's Schwartz's "You Are Not Your Brain: The 4-Step Solution for Changing Bad Habits, Ending Unhealthy Thinking, and Taking Control of Your Life"

It's like a do-it-yourself cognitive-behavioral therapy and if you do the work, it is very effective.
I work on the four-step solution daily, because I no longer want to be held captive by my mistaken beliefs and unhealthy thinking. Here's the website if you'd like to look into this further,
jeffreymschwartz.com/

HaveFaith

Mrockmiss,

I can really relate to not fitting in. Being teased at school, and have the fear if you really knew me, you wouldn't like me. I think that last one is one of the main motivators for my la. It causes me to manipulate to get my needs met.

I sometimes feel this way, that people only like me if I win matches for their team, do work that they don't want to do, men only like me if I talk sexually, it can feel lonely now that I'm cutting the unhealthy people out.

All of a sudden I'm left with just me and very few healthy people around me! I don't really want a man, just feel numb and tired and just want to curl up and sleep all day. I got myself out to watch daughter's soccer game and the grocery store to prep her team's snacks. That's healthier.

Thank you Wahinewa, I am hoping I am fixable. It is a daily struggle. I am happy I am finally seeing these things. I am grateful for everyone on this board. Some people give me great hope for recovery while others share things that I never knew anyone else felt. I have always felt like a freak of nature for being the way I am. Knowing there is a whole community of women and men that share the same struggles makes me feel so much better. I am still struggling with other addictions. I have been praying to my HP and it has worked. I have been on my own without a POA for going on 2 months. Never knew I could do that. I am still not facing the pain. I am still numbing myself. I have been able to give up drinking but, there's always another way to distract myself. Anyway, thanks to all of you for responding.

@ Mrrockmiss... I have felt that way all of my life also... though you would never suspect it to see me.. I never felt people liked me and would always "stand out" from the crowd to compensate. Make a fool of myself, be very sexually overt, do anything to get attention or to make people like me. I was always the one who suffered... because my actions never got the results I was looking for.
I feel like I have to say something about the being teased in elementary... it is a really sore subject with me. I feel that bullying is not taken seriously enough... even now that we see commercials, movies, and web sites about the terrible effects of bullying... we still do not do enough to STOP it as a society. Two of my daughters quit school because of constant bullying. I allowed them too. I couldn't stand by and watch the pain these ignorant people were causing them. As a parent, I did everything I could to change the situation. I wrote formal complaints to teachers, staff, even the dept of education. I was at the school so much for my youngest daughter that I began to worry that I would ultimately get arrested for assaulting a minor or a staff member. My older daughter is now looking into getting her GED via online school. My youngest who is 17... goes to online school full time..and is studying Psychology.
Stronger laws need to be passed regarding bullying in our school systems. If you look at the worst toxic people in our history, ie Hitler, Saddam, Bin Laden, slave owners, rapists, murderers, spouse abusers,... I bet you would find that not only were these people bullies as adults but my guess would be that they were bullied or were themselves bullies as children. If you get away with bullying people as a child... I believe that you grow into an adult bully. If you are bullied as a child and no one is ever held responsible for the pain they cause... I believe that you either become a victim in your adult life.. or you learn to fight back in unhealthy ways.

Am 34 and still i did not work out whats wrong with me, i dont fit in anywhere. I have no friends calling me how am i ? If i did not call them first. In 10 years i living abroad my mum called me once. Sometimes i block ppl out, dont want to speak to them or not interested. In my old job finnished last week, i had the feelong no one really liked me. We got close with some girls but after i start feeling she was talking behind my back and i started ignooring her. Dont trust ppl. In school i had hard perriod when i had no friebds at all because other kids from same street was sabotadging that no one will play or talk to me i was about 11 i think? I had few close friends but since they sharing my personal info with their family members i started to ignore them that means i dont phone them no more. I dont fit in i feel withdrawn and i shut myself from ppl. Why build relationships if you trust someone with all you and find out that all ppl talk private info with others. I cannot even hold normal concersation to long am not good at it, i interupt or dont know what to say. I feel isolated and like that 1 black sheep towards others.

I have always felt the same way too. I was never the popular kid in school, had very few friends growing up and the fact that we moved a lot didn't help much. I'm on the shy side and always been worried about what people think of me or saying the wrong thing. Even now at 37 years old, I still don't have many friends. Even on this board, I am reluctant to reply to others post because I feel like I don't really having anything helpful to say. I know this is because of my low self esteem. But I also know that with this program and God I will overcome this.

In my case, on my own, I often found myself liked by "other people". Yes, I have been bullied when I was in school by some, but it was because they wanted me to like them as much as they liked me (even "inappropriately").


However, while growing up most of my siblings and some of my relatives used to look down on me as "inferior" (you can read it in my "Self-Esteem story"). And as long as there were people in our old community who knew how my family looked better and were more talented than me, I was liked less.


It all has changed after I discovered who I am created to be and what is my real purpose in this life. When I stopped comparing myself to others, stopped pleasing people, and instead started accepting and embracing myself and becoming the best version of me, I noticed that more people (including my family), began to respect and like me too.


I have deep and close friendships that are still working well for almost 20 years now. I keep gaining new friends too. (Though I am more for quality friendships.) I think it helps to be true to yourself and accept others for who they are. (Except if they are toxic to you.) Nevertheless, be aware that there will always be people who would not like you no matter what you do and how likable you are. But it should not matter as long as you have confidence within you.

Feelings are not facts...


I hope those who feel like no one likes them realize the fact that they are special; wonderfully created and are loved and cherished by their Creator.

Since this is a "forum" (defined as "a public meeting or assembly for open discussion"), allow me to share my thoughts on this matter further...


I happen to be surrounded mostly by men who think either highly of themselves or exude moderate confidence about themselves. What I noticed is that their participation in an active, healthy lifestyle help them in their self-esteem. People who do what they enjoy and who take care of their needs seldom or do not feel this way (feeling nobody likes them). This is just my observation and I only mean to focus on the solution.

Your good attitude makes me like you. So next time you feel like no one likes you just read this out loud: "Codep likes James! And I am sure I am not the only one here. Cheers!


And for the rest who feel this way about themselves please don't believe that "lie". The fact is that there will always be some people who will like and/love you. Just be yourself and embrace who you are. Be your own greatest admirer and others will follow.

I am glad you raised up these excellent pointers.


Being highly critical or complaining is toxic to any relationship. No one likes to be around people who got nothing to say good about other people. Before criticizing others; we have to check our motives first. If it is constructive then do it in the right way (the "sandwich technique": compliment, objective criticism, compliment.) and observe proper timing too.


Instead of complaining, it is better to be grateful and appreciative. See the best in people but don't flatter them either if you don't mean it.


Showing genuine interest in other people; being sincere with them and being true to myself make me succeed in this regard. Also, giving importance to people's time and effort. Being straightforward and considerate: I don't waste their time by making them wait for me and keep guessing. I don't waste their effort either by not saying soon that I am not interested in the first place and that there is nothing to expect from me.


For me, it is all about the golden rule: "Treat others as you want to be treated." I love them (without thinking what I can take or get in return) and they just love me back too. I respect them and they respect me back too.

I like you too JamesCT!!! You have a great head on your shoulders. But what I think doesn't matter. What anybody thinks doesn't matter. Robin Williams was loved and adored by MILLIONS. It didn't matter.
What matters is how you feel about yourself and what you believe you are capable of. Don't look outside for validation. Look inside.

Which brings me to a problem, my key stumbling block.  I like me.  But I feel like no one likes me because most days it seems to me that I'm the only one who likes me.

Now, given that some of you have, in fact, said you like me, the question is how do I begin to perceive genuine love (or like)?