ferre
New Member
Posts: 40
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mother
Apr 18, 2013 7:05:21 GMT -8
Post by ferre on Apr 18, 2013 7:05:21 GMT -8
Since i come slowly out of denial that i grew up in a dysfunctional family i start to question things.
I have known my mother as always been sick.
She had a serious operation when i was about 5 years old.
Even since she ate only in the evening time.
After that dinner she went to the toilet to vomit loudly.
Came back as a wreck and posted herself in front of the TV.
I never knew any better.
Can I compare this with an alcoholic parent who is drunk every day?
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saggie
Junior Member
Posts: 64
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Post by saggie on Apr 18, 2013 12:46:22 GMT -8
Mother, the very root of almost all avoidant/ambivalent love addicts` problems!
I`ve been doing a lot of research into Attachment Disorders and Attachment Styles, and found out that children who grew up in insecure homes, in insecure relationships with their primary caregivers, almost always grow up to have Insecure Attachments or Attachment Disorders.
As a child I was not bonded to my mother or father, because they were both emotionally unavailable and had no idea how to love me or show me love. And as a result I grew up not only hungry for love, but also terrified of it.
That inability to bond with my parents led to my inability to bond with my siblings, and later on inability to bond with men. I have full blown Avoidant Personality Disorder and Avoidant Attachment Style. I`ve been working on myself and I feel very empowered, finally knowing what is wrong with me. Half the battle is knowing what caused this life-long journey of failed relationships and endless frustrations!
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mother
Apr 18, 2013 19:33:14 GMT -8
Post by loveanimals on Apr 18, 2013 19:33:14 GMT -8
Hi ferre,
Yes you can compare that to an alcoholic parent who is drunk every day, not certain if your mom was bulimic yet it sure sounds like it from your description. She definitely was malnourished and checked out.
Eating disorders can be viscous to oneself and the family.
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ferre
New Member
Posts: 40
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mother
Apr 18, 2013 23:11:10 GMT -8
Post by ferre on Apr 18, 2013 23:11:10 GMT -8
Thanks for your replies. They are helpful.
I also had both parents who didn't know how to love.
I tend to bond with utterly unavailable people who are friends only.
Whenever there is someone for romantic relationship i act extremely avoidant and feel smothered even when there is only the first contact.
Even in my adult live i was facing alcohol problems.
I literally told my mother that i had a problem with alcohol and that she can not offer me or buy it for me.
The first thing she did was telling me she bought a nice bottle of this or there is beer in the house.
Why on earth would she do that??
Why does she act as an enabler?
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mother
Apr 20, 2013 13:21:47 GMT -8
Post by loveanimals on Apr 20, 2013 13:21:47 GMT -8
There's a board on the Something Fishy web site for family members of those in eating disorders. Check it out, www.something-fishy.org/online/bulletinboard.phpEating disorders affect everyone around them. Your mom is probably malnourished and her brain doesn't think properly from what you describe. Sometimes when we're deep in the ED we don't even hear what people tell us or we forget, our brain doesn't hold onto the thoughts. I've struggled with this as one who has had an ED on and off for 20 years and I've been in numerous support groups. What you describe sounds very typical of what family and friends said in our support group. |
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