Post by Loving My Life on Apr 21, 2013 12:34:58 GMT -8
I have been reading some things on the web for the last few days, because for some reason my poa keeps popping into my head, and I cant figure out why my head want just drop it already.
And this is what I have come up with from my readings: I am grieving the loss of a love that I had built my poa out to be, he was never a good man, he is an abuser, manipulator, want work, ex-con, career inmate, and all the things I would never want in a man, but I have built him up into this person that I wanted him to be, in my head, loving caring, hard working, compassionate human being...and in my head I guess I thought if I loved this person enough, he would become this person, well this is all an illusion...a dream, a fantasy, he is not a nice person, and he will probably never be a nice person. He will use whoever will take care of him.
So we just have to get out of the fantasy thinking about our poa's, we can not change anyone, so even though my brain still wants to tell me I am wrong, as hard as this is, I have to leave this person alone, because if I don't, he will only continue to treat me like a piece of nothingness.
I have a lot more positive days than I do these days were I start to question all of this. And I also think the reason this is so hard at times to forget, is because it was so traumatic, and painful, and this just shows me once again, I will never make this mistake again. We will never forget the abuse we have been thru, and I hope I never do, because if I do forget, I will repeat this, and I do not ever want to get tangled up with another person like my poa.
There was nothing loving about this, it was all about power, control, and humiliation.
So we have to get honest with ourselves, and use our logical brain, and think like an adult about all of this. Was this real? or was this just a fantasy?
My poa was never good for me, never, he has caused me a lot of hurt, and pain....and it was nothing but emotional abuse. I never deserved this, but he groomed me for this.
And I am not a victim either, I was a willing, but I am a survivor, and I will never let anyone treat me this way again.
So just see if you are being totally honest with yourself and what is really going on with your poa. It might not be what it seems.
And this is what I have come up with from my readings: I am grieving the loss of a love that I had built my poa out to be, he was never a good man, he is an abuser, manipulator, want work, ex-con, career inmate, and all the things I would never want in a man, but I have built him up into this person that I wanted him to be, in my head, loving caring, hard working, compassionate human being...and in my head I guess I thought if I loved this person enough, he would become this person, well this is all an illusion...a dream, a fantasy, he is not a nice person, and he will probably never be a nice person. He will use whoever will take care of him.
So we just have to get out of the fantasy thinking about our poa's, we can not change anyone, so even though my brain still wants to tell me I am wrong, as hard as this is, I have to leave this person alone, because if I don't, he will only continue to treat me like a piece of nothingness.
I have a lot more positive days than I do these days were I start to question all of this. And I also think the reason this is so hard at times to forget, is because it was so traumatic, and painful, and this just shows me once again, I will never make this mistake again. We will never forget the abuse we have been thru, and I hope I never do, because if I do forget, I will repeat this, and I do not ever want to get tangled up with another person like my poa.
There was nothing loving about this, it was all about power, control, and humiliation.
So we have to get honest with ourselves, and use our logical brain, and think like an adult about all of this. Was this real? or was this just a fantasy?
My poa was never good for me, never, he has caused me a lot of hurt, and pain....and it was nothing but emotional abuse. I never deserved this, but he groomed me for this.
And I am not a victim either, I was a willing, but I am a survivor, and I will never let anyone treat me this way again.
So just see if you are being totally honest with yourself and what is really going on with your poa. It might not be what it seems.
