Keira
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Post by Keira on Apr 26, 2013 10:55:51 GMT -8
I am in withdrawal stages and am finding it depressing, anxious, fearful and sad.
I am trying to keep busy, and do other things to keep distracting myself or to read a lot on LA etc, books self help etc. etc
But at same time I am upset with myself as I am comfort eating on junk food and sugary things, perhaps avoidance of my fears ,and this is making it harder for me to be happy in my own body, Despite potential health risks I am more worried that a man won't find me attractive and in the future I will be even more depressed! Its a vicious cycle.
Sometimes I am motivated to go to the gym etc, but lately I am too tired and if i read all these books, go on this website, see my friends, do other stuff to keep busy, i have less time for workouts, and also its hard to cook for oneself, I live alone, and sometimes its a real chore plus wastage of food to cook for one person.
By the time I get back from work its late and am starving so end up eating chocolates all day for energy fix, Plus I think , whats the point of looking slim and sexy when no man in my life to appreciate my body!!
I would love to take better care of myself, but it will all take time, and as I don't see the results , its hard to motivate myself to keep going, any tips anyone has that they find works for them?
If I had a better toned,healthier, slimmer body, I think I would feel happier about not being with a man, plus it gives good feelings if i can stick to it.
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Apr 26, 2013 13:19:05 GMT -8
I've managed to stick to a yoga regime of sorts since I began recovering, and it makes me feel great when I do it. Sometimes work gets in the way, but the longer I go on with recovery, and fish my yoga back out of the doledrums when I let it go for a week, the better it feels when I get back into it. It's the opposite of a vicious cycle, it's a positive one, and they are the ones to look out for.
It's fine line in withdrawals between doing anything you can to stop yourself going back to the love addicted behaviour and trying to look after yourself. I would say that if you can find lots of ways to be very kind to yourself, you could look at limiting the sugary stuff, but don't start a diet now or cut it right out, it's the wrong time. After the worst of withdrawals is over and you start to feel more solid in recovery, then you could consider improving your diet.
When I try to limit chocolate I switch to chocolate milk, and buy a really nice gourmet chocolate powder mix. I warm up the milk and it feels like I'm nurturing myself like a baby. It's nice.
Remember, we are like little girls inside, and maybe the sweet food is necessary for comfort until we begin to grow up.
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Keira
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Post by Keira on Apr 26, 2013 13:32:16 GMT -8
Thankyou J, thats a nice idea , i like about the warm milk/baby thing. That's what I need, is nurture and love, like i did as a small infant. I will make some today, and hope it will fix the choccie fix. Plus milk is healthy too,
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Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 26, 2013 18:35:20 GMT -8
Thankyou J, thats a nice idea , i like about the warm milk/baby thing. That's what I need, is nurture and love, like i did as a small infant. I will make some today, and hope it will fix the choccie fix. Plus milk is healthy too, This explains why I love lattes rather than just plain coffee. But Starbucks is getting to expensive. I am going to buy a quart of milk.
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Post by CodepNomore on Apr 26, 2013 19:10:59 GMT -8
To stop comfort eating, I deal with my emotion and journal what I'm going through. I try to remember that no amount of foods would do it for me. That resorting to comfort eating would even worsen how I feel.
I focus on what would build myself up and exercising is a gift to me. It makes me feel alive. I do things because it makes me at my best. If I have a man in my life or not is secondary to me only. After all, my identity is not tied to someone else.
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Post by Loveanimals on Apr 26, 2013 20:41:23 GMT -8
I am struggling with this as well because POAs motivated me to be on a strict diet with no energy, and to work out on this diet.
I've added some food to the diet yet I get scared of weight gain. Sometimes I binge and then panic. Exercise is harder for me to motivate to do without a POA.
I'm using natural sweetener and I did splurge a little today but then go back on a healthy meal plan for the next few days. This is tough as I'm battling love addiction and eating disorder, trying to tackle the LA first.
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Keira
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Post by Keira on Apr 26, 2013 23:30:30 GMT -8
Thankyou codependnomore, Journalling sounds a good idea, but i think in the midst of stress or food cravings I may not have willpower to do it at that time, but perhaps after or even I may build a strategy to look at alternative choices so when i get the cravings, anxiety, etc, can try those instead. perhaps the cravings are a sign of wanting a hug but not getting it, so try a less healthy option instead Love animals, I have same issues, when Im with a poa I Exercise a lot, as its an incentive, when they go, then I can't be bothered that much, but its true what codependnomore says, its a gift to onself! Susan, lattes ive not tried before, usually have coffee, but i will try next time!
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Post by CodepNomore on Apr 27, 2013 0:00:36 GMT -8
You are welcome Keira. I've had eating problems for about 14 years long so I have empathy for those who have similar struggles. I found out that the issue here is more about body image or self-esteem and why we eat more than what we actually eat.
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Post by Loveanimals on Apr 27, 2013 6:45:22 GMT -8
When our moods are low we tend to reach for food.....hence why many in Overeaters Anonymous are from AA.
They go sober and start to overeat to overcome the depression. I've been to many OA meetings and they're tough because they push abstinence on certain foods whereas other ED nutritionists are opposed to that.
Yet you might try OA as well, they have online meetings too.
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Keira
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Post by Keira on Apr 27, 2013 13:19:34 GMT -8
Thanks Guys will look at OA online, and will look at the body image thing codependnomore mentioned I like this idea of body image as I know when Im with a POA I get really anxious about what he thinks about my body etc, initially in the heat of passion he doesn't notice and neither do I , and one of them mentioned once about me needing to lose some weight, but that was only one time, and I ignored the comment, but deep down, it did sting. But then he wasn't exactly brad Pitt himself ie. he was out of shape, but anyway, Im not too hurt by his comment, as I feel it is a good motivator for me to do something, not for him cos that was a poa a long time back that I am well over anyways, so it is not for his benefit, but I feel it will help my own self esteem and gain confidence plus health benefits to workout and eat better. somehwere on this site, it mentions about depression and sugar and also exercise helps depression, so will try it, hope i can stick to a routine, but i know i will take oneday at a time. that helps, before I was thinking to tone up is going to take me months and months and will be hard work etc, then i thought let me just think one day at a time,, I like ONEDAY AT A TIME, that is so much more relaxing to me than months of hard work. perhaps i will use this as my new mantra, and say it to myself everyday, as so far I have not used many affirmations, so will start with this one.
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Post by Loveanimals on Apr 27, 2013 15:05:10 GMT -8
hi keira,
This is very common with POAs to project their insecurities onto us i.e. they are out of shape so they tell us that we're out of shape and they're not attracted to us. When it comes down to it no one is a supermodel and it's a tough battle weight in our society........
I can just say that I am running into this lack of motivation to exercise and eat right yet I know I have to, as it affects my mood. I just focus on the bare minimum now, the basics of eating, drinking, appts, groups, etc. and I have to eat proper meals for recovery.
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Keira
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Post by Keira on Apr 28, 2013 5:22:12 GMT -8
Thanks loveanimals, I never thought about eating right helping my Love addiction recovery. I just thought eating right would make me look better. But it is true, that eating right will give me more energy to fight the love addiction, as when I am tired and lack energy, i reach for a quick fix eg choc bar, which helps for a bit, but then get more cravings and need more and more, and it never really satisfies me, Perhaps this is a bit like my addiction as I reach for texting or mental fantasazing to keep me hooked, but reality is it keeps me stuck and don't help. so long story short, healthy eating , more sleep etc. will keep me motivated to fight this love addiction thingy. I have to stop looking at trying to look good, in shape etc to attract a man, but rather that if i get into shape its for my benefit, but first and foremost is how it helps my recovery, shape, weight loss, toning is a secondary benefit.
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Post by Loveanimals on Apr 28, 2013 8:58:07 GMT -8
Hi keira,
Yes sugar can be very addictive and promote the same effects on dopamine that texting can.
I've talked with my therapist about this and she's sent me several articles about dopamine because I am also addicted to sugar. In fact I'm feeling it now after being in a low carb diet I had a donut this morning and my brain is on a total high, which feels amazing after weeks of severe depression.
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Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on Apr 28, 2013 11:03:44 GMT -8
Hi Keira Can you send the articles on dopamine /sugar that you mentioned above.
I have a serious sugar addiction since childhood, would be nice to give it up. I read somewhere having fish helps depression, so been having 4 teaspoons of fish oil per day, I have been vegatarian for a few yrs but recently gone back to eating fish over past wk,as I think my restricted diet was causing my mood swings too, as low vitamin and protein can affect the brain chemistry, I do feel better past few days, not sure if its eating more fish or changing my habits in other ways, but will keep it up,as do feel bit better.
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Post by Loveanimals on Apr 28, 2013 13:56:16 GMT -8
Hi Keira, Here is one article on dopamine: www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brai....tter-and-googleI'm a fish/milk/egg eating vegetarian as well yet pump up my protein with protein every 3 hours either greek yogurt, eggs, tofu, protein powder, cottage cheese, sometimes fish, etc. yes low protein can lead to sugar cravings too.
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Keira
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Post by Keira on Apr 29, 2013 11:12:22 GMT -8
Thanks Loveanimals
Although that link you sent me doesn't seem to find the article Anyway, I am gonna look at dopamine on google, and find out what i can on it Know your enemy as they say! I just realised I think I have been having low dopamine, partly because my diet has been so poor, mainly because of highs/lows of love addiction, but at least I can try to control my dopamine levels, see what happens when I improve my diet oneday at a time,
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Keira
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Post by Keira on May 2, 2013 8:52:57 GMT -8
Love animals,
I find eating more protein is definitely helping my energy and can sleep better now I have hot choc milk before bed, and where before It would take me hours to sleep, i now sleeping like a little baby, and dont wake up during the night now
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Post by Loveanimals on May 2, 2013 18:20:51 GMT -8
Thats great news keira! Diet does help yet also the highs and lows of love addiction, we need some time out to reset our brains to normal.
I keep thinking i need more carbs yet I think it's just depression.
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Post by kelleyboy on May 2, 2013 19:28:36 GMT -8
When I was young and in the middle of LA obsession, i would completely lose my appetite. As I have gotten older, thats changed. I wouldn't say it has gone the opposite, but I no longer have a problem with being hungry. I was doing really well, not eating fast food, no red meat, no blatant sugar. I have to admit, some of that has seeped back in the last 5 months. At least it is not like it used to be. I had been blending spinach, mangos and bananas for breakfast for about a year. Also juicing apples and kale. Need to get back to it.
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Keira
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Post by Keira on May 2, 2013 23:40:44 GMT -8
yes Kelleyboy, that sounds good, I love mangoes! I realised a healthy balanced diet, helps love addiction as mind and body are connected. Love animals, if your body telling you to have more carbs, have a bit, is part of loving ourselves not to deny what the body wants
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Post by Loveanimals on May 3, 2013 7:10:10 GMT -8
Hi keira,
Yes that is a tough one since I've gained 10 lbs since October, although I was really, really depleted then. I don't want to gain anymore and I'm really not sure if I'm carb depleted or just severely depressed with no men in my life. It's hard to tell what I need, a carb load makes me feel better temporarily but then the depression returns, and if I do too many of those I feel bloated and my clothes don't fit.
I'm also dealing with eating disorder recovery so it's a tough one, luckily I haven't binged/purged for 5 weeks now.......
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Keira
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Post by Keira on May 3, 2013 9:31:40 GMT -8
Its good loveanimals you haven't binged/purged in 5 weeks, thats really good. I know i gained some Lbs too, and my clothes are tighter, but I know when I am ready i can shift it. I am not going to force anything on my body at the moment, as then it rebels, and Im trying to get my love addiction more balanced first, I have been going out more walks , fresh air and i feel better, plus eating more in morning,and less in evening as i need more food at start of the day, As women, we feel guilty for every single thing, and food is part of the battle too. Just realise the depression can cause our food addicitons to go out of balance too.
read the blue book for alcoholics anonymous, one thing that stuck with me was when it said " alcholics think one more drink won't harm, but there is an insanity which pushes them onto another one, as they are not in control. " This is how i view love addiciton and food now. "one more text won't harm " was my old way of thinking, now , i see, this is insane, of course it harms, of course it affects me, i am not in control, the other thing is, ask your higher power when you are struggling with carbs, write the answer on a post it note, and keep under your pillow, you will have a dream what to do, read that advice somewhere on this site, about dreams and stuff, subconcious mind knows what to do, HIgher power will assist you
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Post by LovelyJune on May 4, 2013 3:37:46 GMT -8
Everything you learn about alcohol and love addiction, you need to apply to food as well. These "addictions" all run on the same track: Your addictive personality. The addictive personality uses the repetition and obsession of people, places and things as a way to numb and avoid the self. As a way to avoid facing conflict and pain.
If you are in the very beginning stages of withdrawal I would suggest giving yourself a little bit of a break. Get through this any way you can. Do the best you can.
But if you're not at the beginning stages of withdrawal and you are now at a decent point into recovery, it's time to apply the same logic of your love addiction to everything else…shopping, food, procrastination, alcohol, drugs, etc. Remember, the object of recovery is to face the pain. Experience it. Hate it. And work your way through it like natural child birth (ouch!). We are love addicts because we've been running away from the pain and the responsibility of our lives! SO, you want to stop comforting yourself for a while with toxic stuff and KNOW what pain and sadness feels like and KNOW what healthy comfort is (a massage, a walk, a meditation, eating a healthy salad, learning a sport or a new hobby, going back to school, reading a book).
Problems come up all the time. Suffering is an intrinsic part of life. People die. Hurricanes happen. Recovery does not mean the end of suffering. It means you have taught yourself healthier, smarter methods and techniques of dealing with general suffering and that which is beyond your control. It also teaches you to not create suffering from within you so as to lessen overall suffering in your life.
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Keira
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Post by Keira on May 4, 2013 7:57:02 GMT -8
Thankyou LovelyJune, Great words that inspire . Yes, when I feel pain, hurt ,loss ,sad, I want a quick healing remedy, which is food, sugar fix etc. This soothes for a while, but pain still there after. I am trying for healthier options, and having better meals now. I am in early stages of withdrawal, and i am trying best I can. some days better than others, but I have found now I put myself first more,rather than other people, i Don't promise anyone anything, iF I say to friends i may meet up or family,but If i am tired then i can cancel at short notice, and they are ok with it, Before I would meet them no matter what, then end up not even enjoying myself! I do beat myself up still for mistakes, wishing I could change something, but then i remember , somewhere you said, forgive yourself, and realise humans make mistakes sometimes! And that is okay.
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Post by Loveanimals on May 4, 2013 11:54:55 GMT -8
Hi LovelyJune,
Yes this same depression I feel in love addiction withdrawal I felt when I stopped starving & binging/purging.....they're all addictive patterns.
At AA meetings I noticed that many of the people there smoke, drink a lot of coffee and they bring cookies. To me I look at that and ask if they are living a healthy lifestyle? Or is the alcohol withdrawal so severe that they can only focus on one addiction at a time?
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Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on May 4, 2013 23:29:42 GMT -8
I am going to buy a vegetable juicer today to do some fresh juices to have in the mornings. This will clear my toxins and hopefully help my energy levels. I am not great at eating many vegetables, I can eat lot of fruit no problem, but vegetables is tough ! I used to do juicing in the past, and it felt great after juicing vegetables eg celery, ginger, lettuce, , when I drank a glass of this, I felt alive within 5 minutes, I was wide awake, felt like my brain had been shaken and stirred with a jolt that woke up my whole body, Can't believe i didn't get a new one when the old one broke down few yrs ago . I'm hoping the extra healthy vitamins in my system will help stabilise cravings, mood swings ,etc. Will post any good recipes I come up with
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Keira
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Post by Keira on May 4, 2013 23:32:01 GMT -8
oh, and read somewhere, green tea with few tsp of coconut oil to drink gives good energy and helps skin and hair (supermodels drink this stuff a lot and helps give energy and stops cravings apparently ) I have been drinking once a day and tastes good. don't have late in the day though, as once i did , and couldn't sleep whole night.
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Post by LovelyJune on May 5, 2013 3:43:53 GMT -8
One of the reasons people fail to recover is that they do not understand the difference between stopping an obsession but still remaining in the confines of their same lifestyle and stopping an obsession, and changing their entire lifestyle.
When you do the former, you run the risk of simply replacing one addiction for another, because you have not addressed the intrinsic nature of your addictive personality (like the alcoholics who simply replace alcohol with food, love, coffee, etc. Btw, in AA there is definitely a culture of "we've overcome the hardest thing EVER and so, a coffee and sugar addiction is nothing compared to the hell we've lived through).
When you do the latter, however, you not only remove the one addiction, but you begin to see the world and your behavior in a new light. You begin to see that anything in excess is not good, that life and good health is all about BALANCE. And when you surround yourself with people who also believe the same and act accordingly, you stand a better chance of remaining healthy.
If I had stayed with my same friends, and continued to hang out in the same places, I would still be a love addict. But I changed the people I hung around. And my new, healthier friends (and old friends who lived healthier) supported the new me.
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Keira
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Post by Keira on May 5, 2013 8:20:12 GMT -8
That is true, about hanging out with certain friends, and in a certain environment. I have this one male friend, who has a crush on me, but I am totally not keen on him, but he said let's be friends and keeps asking me out to bars, parties etc. In past, I have gone , as i felt better in company rather than sitting alone home, but i realised the last time, when he got really drunk at a restaurant, he was rude, and i was so embrassed, all the other diners were looking at us, he was so loud, and then spilt his wine all over me. He definitely has signs of alcholism, but he won't admit it. I decided now after your post, I am not going to hang out with him anymore, as he is not someone i think wil help my recovery, and also some other friends i think i could not live without, but actually they have very unhealthy lifestyles, its time for me to let them go for a while, and when im feeling better, then if they wish to, we can start hanging out again. for now, this is my time, and also i found out with friends, I would end up talking for hours about my man dramas, and playing out the story againa nd again, and they would give their advice, and perhaps we fed of each other, i think its time like LovelyJune says to change the whole lifestyle . I wish to associate with people who are also wanting balance and health in their lives. By me adopting my old lifestyle, I don't think I can change my love addiction, or any other addictions eg food etc.
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Post by Loveanimals on May 5, 2013 8:24:30 GMT -8
Hi LovelyJune,
They say that in AA yet as many on here know, when they stop AA the love addiction comes out....I have to say that love addiction can be just as deadly as alcohol addiction. At my AA meeting the old-timer poo-poo'd my love addiction and said people there were in life or death situations and that's different from me........
yet many in love addiction attempt suicide with a break-up, myself and many friends, that isn't deadly???!!
I struggle with the continue to hang out in the same places part, yet there ARE healthy people in my places, I just found the ladies who were happily married with no drama boring, whereas the single women with a ton of men and drama I obviously was attracted to them because misery loves company. We would get together and wonder why all of these men we date are jerks without looking at ourselves.
Now I'm forcing myself to be around the healthier people, as boring as it seems, and talk about topics other than men. Yes I have an addictive personality and it's in my family, so in order to change life does seem depressing but those highs and lows are not fun either.
Sugar and caffeine are other vices I've reduced the sugar, caffeine I'll tackle after withdrawal.
keira the juicer sounds great, I know I struggle with getting veggies in as well.
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