Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on May 5, 2013 8:45:18 GMT -8
Loveanimals, Anyone who hasn't been or is a love addict will not know what this addiction feels like For the person in your AA meeting who said your addiction is not as serious as an Alcholic's addiction, doesn't know what it feels like, only thus they could say this. It don't matter what they think, its what you think. My family/friends don't know about this addiction, and even when try to explain to my friends, they just give a blank stare or try to be helpful by saying, well just don't text him , or just change your number, or don't see him etc.. No one else can understand, only another love addict can understand the pain and sufferring we go through. Now I don't even bother trying to explain to a friend as really they won't get it. If I want to ask someone anything, now i ask on this forum. I don't think anyone else ,except perhaps a therapist, has the answers we are looking for anyway, apart from people on this site. so I wouldn't be too annoyed about that person in AA, that rubbished love addiction, he/she is just like many others, ignorant of love addiction. But at the end of the day, i feel its my job to find out about LA as much as I can for my own sake, so ultimately it don't matter what other's think anyhow
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Post by Loveanimals on May 5, 2013 11:23:59 GMT -8
I agree keira no one really understands how addictive the texting is, they tell me the same "just stop texting him, cut contact" and they don't realize that in the beginning it's an hour by hour white knuckle to stop when you're used to texting a new love throughout the day and night. To completely go cold turkey on that is one of the toughest things I've ever had to do. Even going through tons of surgeries and health problems was easier!
I have a cold and took an over the counter cold medicine and found that my horrific depression lifted, but I don't want to replace one addiction with another. Perhaps I will visit my psychiatrist and he can prescribe something for the dopamine withdrawal like Wellbutrin. I'm just scared that I will get in a car accident as my mind blanks out, it's a very scary feeling. It also takes me hours to get dressed in the morning, I'll just blank out and stare at the wall for 20 minutes.
Now I can see why I did not stick with withdrawal but this is different, I don't want to go back this time! I want to try to find a new way around this so I can still be a productive citizen and not be able to drive or work in order to get through this.
Does anyone think that cold medicine or caffeine addiction OK to have during withdrawal? Or should I try Wellbutrin instead?
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Post by LovelyJune on May 6, 2013 2:20:48 GMT -8
loveanimals, Ignore the AA people who believe in such thing as "lesser addictions." There's no such thing. All addiction has varying degrees of severity. You can be a suicidal love addict or an alcoholic who only drinks once a week. It's all relative. I think in AA there's definitely a "my addiction is worse than yours" mentality, which can be somewhat competitive. I remember the storytelling--AAers would get up and tell their "story" and it seemed to me the more damage they caused in the throes of their addiction the more respect and clout they had at the meetings. It's like that in prison too. And I do not think it's very positive for recovery. And to ignore the "slide" effect (sliding from one addiction into another) is, in my opinion, self-defeating. So…ignore the naysayers. Work on your own addiction. Focus on what needs to get done. That's all that's important at this point.
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Post by Loveanimals on May 6, 2013 7:14:16 GMT -8
Thanks LovelyJune, I really liked that AA meeting because it was within walking distance from my house on a Sunday night, with my busy schedule of therapist, DBT meetings, daughter's activities that is the only night where there isn't something scheduled.
Yet the first meeting I introduced myself as an "addict" per Susan and then the speaker went on and on how she used to introduce herself at AA meetings as an addict, and then another man in the audience said that one should introduce themselves as an "alcoholic, addict, etc.".
So the next meeting I was called by the speaker to share, I then described how I was a recovering anorexic, bulimic, and love addict and how someone mentioned that there were so many meetings and events in AA that I could just go to those meetings and introduce myself as an addict. I really don't have a problem with alcohol will have one drink a month, don't crave it, and I'm really not supposed to drink it at all with my medication.
That's when the old-timer came up to me and said I'm welcome to attend the meetings but so say "pass" when I'm called to share because people are there in AA for life or death situations and for me to take up the sharing is taking away precious time (bulimia isn't life or death? Hello Terri Schiavo and I've know many others from treatment that have died!), I was honestly so offended and felt very rejected at a time where I feel alone and vulnerable.
OA meetings I find very triggering because they treat sugar and white flour like alcohol and completely forbid it and have a dieting mentality and I tend to under eat more than overeat, so I think Al-Anon is best for me since it's about co-dependency and when I'm done with my DBT courses I may start a LAA meeting here in my area because I'm SURE there are a lot of LAAs, I see many around me! Just people don't really know about it.
I'm so thankful for this board though because people on here "get it" and I don't feel alone at all!
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Post by LovelyJune on May 6, 2013 13:51:20 GMT -8
loveanimals, NO matter what you come up against, always think, "balance" You know in your heart that bulimia is life or death. Ignore the creep who said that, and continue to do and say what you feel is right. If you need these meetings, then go. You are not "disrespecting" anyone's addiction by mentioning your own. For god's sake, people in AA should be a little more compassionate. You come across the same creepy people in church, who claim to be loving, yet they hate gay people. In recovery we take what we need and leave the rest
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Post by Loveanimals on May 6, 2013 19:14:49 GMT -8
Thanks LovelyJune I haven't binged/purged since late March so I know I'm on the right track and been away from POA since end of Feb.
I'm definitely a much healthier person now.....I appreciate your support!
And for the comfort eating it helps to outline a meal plan and stick to it so that we don't binge on treats when we miss our POAs.
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Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on May 8, 2013 13:22:01 GMT -8
ok, so, healthy eating going well , Planning helps, and carrying snacks with me helps a lot, usually I didn't have healthy snacks so when felt overwhelmed, bored, withdrawal panic, cravings would kick in for a FIX ( chocolate usually ). so today, i was prepared! I had a long train journey to do for work, and usually would have got something at station, but instead, took lunch with me, and had at stn, while waited for train, then at stn i bought a fruit snack pack, to have later for when i get the munchies, when I arrived at my stop, i felt full,and energised, by eating what was healthy it kept me going, In afternoon, had my fruit snack, then in eve made a nice quick healthy eve meal The secret is preparation, having things at hand so dont panic last minute so i guess its a bit like handling withdrawal, being prepared for the worst moments, eg what will i do if i get a text/email/call, and just have a back up plan in place eg, call a friend, text a friend for help, go on this site, read some inspiring words, pray, say the serentity prayer 100 times until the craving goes to reply back, whether it works or not, only time will tell, but without a back up plan, it will be double as hard. Also, i find with this cravings stuff, its also about when I am bored, i eat. its to hide my feelings, not feel the pain, sometimes i have to feel it, not stuff it down with a choc bar, this is the hardest part of all this, but if i can master this, i will feel i am moving forward. i am also asking for higher power to help remove defects from my character like it says in the AA book, so i look at it as my higher power help me eliminate cravings for junk food etc, i will let you know how this goes as its early days yet.
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Post by Loveanimals on May 8, 2013 21:00:38 GMT -8
keira there is some great literature with OA on how to deal with the cravings, and I know from attending OA meetings that many people went sober through AA and then switched addictions to overeating.
I hear you I plan out my meals and snacks in the morning so that I don't get too hungry somewhere....from my ED recovery it's ingrained in me to plan out 6 meals/snacks a day.
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Post by Susan Peabody on May 9, 2013 9:46:00 GMT -8
keira there is some great literature with OA on how to deal with the cravings, and I know from attending OA meetings that many people went sober through AA and then switched addictions to overeating. I hear you I plan out my meals and snacks in the morning so that I don't get too hungry somewhere....from my ED recovery it's ingrained in me to plan out 6 meals/snacks a day. I lost 150 lbs in OA. Great program. Good literature. For the first year I was in withdrawal. Cried like a baby when I could not go back for more. Then one day, by the grace of God, my compulsive appetite was lifted and I was no longer obsessed. To this day I have a normal appetite, don't eat seconds, enjoy normal portions and yet I am full (fullfilled).
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Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on May 9, 2013 10:14:11 GMT -8
wow Loveanimals and Susan, You have inspired me ! I have been feeling healthier, and more energy this week, but i know at anytime, i can shift to my old behaviour as soon as get issues at work, home, men,family, money etc etc Ie LIFE gets in the way of my food plans! So will look at OA and cravings literature, sounds good, Susan , well done, 150 LBS you lost, that is just mega awesome! I am giving you standing ovation right now, or should i give it your Higher power instead,?!!!
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Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on May 10, 2013 10:13:15 GMT -8
okay , so was v busy at work and felt so hungry, but didnt plan my meals today so didn't have my emergency supplies with me
NOTE TO SELF: keep emergency supplies in the car as back up plan, sort of like a first aid box. will go shopping for a big tin tomorrow, it's my life i am saving, so it is sort of FIRST AID!
Fail to plan= plan to fail
need to start drinking more water though, not good at this currently. note to self again : Buy a large water bottle and keep at work desk all times
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Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on May 10, 2013 10:17:40 GMT -8
ok came up with another idea Brain likes reward, pain/pleasure principle so if i drink 8 glasses of water tomorrow, what will be my reward? I will need to think of something, don't want a food related reward, and don't want to spend too much, okay, so i will come up with something then let you know what i did and if i stuck to the goal, i know 8 glasses is not huge, but seriously , i find it sooo hard!
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Post by Loveanimals on May 10, 2013 13:22:53 GMT -8
Hi keira,
In my early days of anorexia recovery, I would give myself a cute sticker if I followed my meal plan for the day. It became a fun game of buying the cutest stickers, and placing them on my calendar. That's a great award system! *IDEA* I should do the same for No Contact and following my meal plan! Thanks for bringing back that idea to me!
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Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on May 10, 2013 14:00:11 GMT -8
The stickers thing is great idea I will try and get 7 days worth of stickers, then once get 7 then will have a trip to the cinema . This could be a fun game. long term aim, get 100 stickers, book a spa weekend!! Yes the stickers for NO contact can also work, fab idea.
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Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on May 10, 2013 14:13:05 GMT -8
thanks loveanimals for stickers idea, cute stickers sounds fun to collect and place on calendar. can't wait to see calendar filling up,
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Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on May 13, 2013 10:41:30 GMT -8
so , drinking water is hard, but am forcing myself to do it, a bit like NC, its hard but force oneself, and hope later it becomes a habit They say takes 3 wks for something to develop into a habit am on day 2 of increasing water intake, and its hard at work, as can't keep having a pee break, but i know this sounds gross, but urine is crystal clear now, so i guess more fluids is flushing the stuff out of my system! Can't say i feel any better for it, but its only day 2 and got a lot of stress at the moment, so too early to tell, but they say water is the eternal elixir so benefits of youth, good skin, reverse ageing!!
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Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on May 14, 2013 9:40:36 GMT -8
herbal teas are good as taste nice, esp mint one, and no calories! helps sleep too if have camomile one before bed, Helps soothe and calming, will look for some destress and relax ones.
as a side note , reminds me, Anyone tried Bach Flower remedies, do they work, Its a herbal tincture thats meant to help in times of stress.
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Post by lilila on May 14, 2013 17:57:53 GMT -8
I´ve tried Bach flower remedies, they do work! Only you need to have a certified practitioner give them to you, it´s not easy to self-diagnose with them.
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Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on May 16, 2013 10:20:22 GMT -8
Ok so healthy eating getting better Having fruit and salads daily , drinking herbal teas and more water Funny , but don't have to force myself so much, just starting to crave healthier foods. still get cravings for unhealthy foods, pain of not fitting into my trousers last week is way more painful, so thats a good motivator plus I read somewhere that fat around the belly is high risk for diabetes and heart problems as more toxic fat in belly area. so time to zap the muffin top , plus incentive to look good for summer!
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Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on May 17, 2013 13:09:06 GMT -8
Yesterday had a bit of a bad sleep, couldnt sleep at all, went to bed early but had a lot on my mind, so woke up really tired. didnt get better whole day, was hard focusing at work, felt exhausted, overate to try and get more energy, had an energy sugary drink, felt worse, didnt help, had a lot of coffees,had zero patience at work felt bored at work,not inspired at all, came home , didnt feel like cooking a proper meal, so had a sandwich, anyway, all this happened because of poa issues, and ended up breaking No contact. poa didnt text back until this morning, but all night i was waiting for him to text me, so basically my point is , its not worth the pain,sufferring, etc, it ruins my sleep and my day. this addiction is so stubborn it needs total focus, cannot slip even once as it puts me into a dangerous zone where i suffer. anyway, tomorrow is a new day, i will start again with no contact, and not expect anything from poa, i have to let go and Let GOD as the saying goes,
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Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on May 20, 2013 10:59:04 GMT -8
Went to bed early last nite, definitley helped so have formed the habit of breakfast everyday, so sets up my energy for the day , Am having more protein which is satisfying and fills me up well I read some tips about Jennifer Aniston, who is amazing at age 44 by the way She eats lot of salmon, fish, quinoa ,lentils, green veggies, something I am going to try this week, she also exercises 5 times week and yoga 3 times a week,!! I wont have time to do all that ! but I will try and fit in some walking and whatever I can do one day at a time is all I can do
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Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on May 21, 2013 7:10:26 GMT -8
Bought a wok today, am going to eat more veggies this week I find them bland, so will try some new recipes to get better flavours infused I think a wok will make it more interesting,
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Post by london on May 21, 2013 17:02:52 GMT -8
It has been my experience that when I am being "pinished" by someone who withholds emotional and physical affection I turn to food.
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Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on May 22, 2013 13:53:51 GMT -8
Thankyou London, this brings up something for me too, Emotional eating is due to not dealing with our stress of people, and stuffing our feelings with food to hide the pain. rather than face the fears,stresses in healthy ways Now for me, instead of hiding in that bag of chips or cake or whatever, i now go for a walk instead, and refreshes my mind i love to get out , whereas before i just ate everything in site, partly due to boredom now i realised , what was emotional eating, was sometimes boredom eating, so am finding things to do to fill my time instead The saying idle time is the dtoxics workshop . meaning, too much time on my hands means i think, worry, fret about past etc, so filling the time with other activities is better for my stress levels and also stops cravings for food.
Plus today , as a treat for myself, i went to a nice restaurant for a meal out, usually i only go to dinners when i m dating, and that was what i was missing about being with a man, the excitment of eating out, so today for first time in long time, i went out by myself, it was spur of the moment so didnt have time to be scared, plus i was hungry ! but it was fine, and what's more, i ate exactly what i wanted, without fear of man rejecting me due to my food choices, and without worrying how i look, how i eat, and not having to talk at same time as looking like a lady, i actually focused 100% on the food, loved it, ate it all, paid the bill and left, will do it again ! loved it.
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Post by CodepNomore on May 27, 2013 1:48:20 GMT -8
I read some tips about Jennifer Aniston, who is amazing at age 44 by the way She eats lot of salmon, fish, quinoa ,lentils, green veggies, something I am going to try this week, she also exercises 5 times week and yoga 3 times a week,!! I wont have time to do all that ! but I will try and fit in some walking and whatever I can do one day at a time is all I can do I like Jen too and I happen to love salmon and veggies. But I remind myself that there is that principle of "Individual Differences". Her 5 times a week could be an overtraining for me already. And she might be an ectomorph (lean type) while I am an endomorph (round type). It's good that you are doing what you can one day at a time.
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Post by Loveanimals on May 27, 2013 11:41:55 GMT -8
Celebrities have personal trainers because their body is their career and they live lifestyles that we do not have. Many have eating disorders too.
It's easy to fall into this trap thinking if we have the "perfect" body then we'll attract the perfect man. I had to cancel all celebrity magazines and Shape and so forth reading about celebrity diets and exercises when I went into recovery.
Believe me getting the perfect body doesn't work in terms of curing love addiction.....I hired a trainer and got in the best shape of my life last year, all it did was make me incredibly narcissistic and self absorbed, and I expected men to be at my beck and call. It wasn't a pretty sight. I have to develop myself more and be more well rounded.
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Post by CodepNomore on May 27, 2013 21:59:00 GMT -8
Yes, many celebs have eating disorders too. "Body image" affects so many people. I think self-acceptance has a lot to do with it. Because as soon as I have learned that my real value does not depend on my weight and people's approval, but on who am I as a person inside me. I felt liberated, my recovery from overeating/food addiction had begun that very day, and I didn't look back since!
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Keira
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Post by Keira on May 28, 2013 9:29:40 GMT -8
Thankyou codependnomore and Loveanimals
yes, I think I do have a body image flaw. I didn't realise this before, and part of me thinks by changing the outside, people will respect me more, but its true, approval comes from me approving myself and not waiting for an external approval. still , i am eating healthy and feel better, so that is good, and true, I do obsess with celebrity bodies, and thats their career, so i am going to be more realistic,and give myself credit for what I can do, based on my goals, not someone elses.
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Post by CodepNomore on May 30, 2013 6:00:53 GMT -8
Keira, in preparation to my upcoming projects, I recently studied communication and making a connection. And I noticed that you have great communication skills. You ask, listen, give reasons, value feedback, etc. It's an asset for business and relationship with people. But I think this has contributed to your comfort eating somehow. When you eat, you want that "feedback" of "comfort". So perhaps it would help to think of something else to "communicate" with your needs for comfort. What do you think?
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Keira
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Posts: 144
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Post by Keira on May 30, 2013 10:59:05 GMT -8
Thankyou for your message codependnomore, And your great compliment.
Its a great insight, you mentioned " I seek comfort from eating "
This reminds me for some reason of the saying water seeks its own level. Because I feel uncomfortable in my skin, i look for ways to make me feel better, but in the end, I feel worse by stuffing my face with " comfort food "
BUT, I have been 3 weeks on this healthy eating regime now, feel fuller with healthy foods, eat more fruit if peckish, and feel more energy still get cravings, but better in control of them now can't believe im saying that ! Will think about your second statement of an alternative to communicating my needs of comfort. I am not sure what it will be yet, but good ideas. Thanks
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