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Post by Loving My Life on Apr 27, 2013 3:56:18 GMT -8
Just some questions to ponder:
Are you just talking the talk? or Are you walking the walk?
You can read all the self helps books, go to all the therapists, and meetings, and forums you need to, to try and recovery, but if there is no ACTIONS behind your words, then it is just WORDS.
For myself I wanted to become a better person, mind, body and spirit, so I did whatever I needed to do in order to get there...and no sometimes it was not the most popular thing to do, but as usual I did not go with the flow, I did what was best for me. I learned how to not let peoples opinions effect me, and I just kept on doing the deal.
People are annoyed with me, but I have to take care of me first, is this selfish? People will tell you this, because they want to keep you in the bondage for their own insecurities, well I am not in the business of working on others insecurities any longer, this is my life now, and I am going to live it, like Frank Sinatra said, My Way, and I will not hurt others in the process, they might be hurt because I am no longer under their control, but that is not my issue anymore.
So I just want to throw this questions out here...
Are you just talking the talk, without any actions behind it?
Are you also walking the walk?
Change is not easy, but it is necessary, if you are going to be happy, and have a peaceful state of mind.
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Post by Loving My Life on May 15, 2013 14:58:33 GMT -8
Where are you today in your recovery?
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Post by loveanimals on May 15, 2013 21:46:05 GMT -8
Tonight I went to my DBT group and worked on mindfulness. I was busy at work so that kept me occupied and not thinking about the men around me. Then I worked shoulders and stairmill. It must be God's grace that my POA stopped going to the gym the same time we used to work out together, now it's so peaceful in there.
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thekeytomyheart
New Member
...only if you take care of my heart, otherwise I will not let you in...
Posts: 40
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Post by thekeytomyheart on May 15, 2013 23:26:01 GMT -8
Oh my I logged on again on TB (a social site)…I saw him of course because I went into the forum. I joined in the forums for travel games. He was following me in my posts but I never responded. And then boom!!! He posted something that I know his only goal was to hurt me or make me jealous.
When he couldnt make me respond to his posts, he posted this:
"whats in my mind: 15th wedding anniversary! When my wife came home, she ran up to me and I lifted her up and twirled her around.... Here is to 15 more!"
What he wrote on the forum is sickening to me because those are the very same words he told me when we were in that (fantasy) relationship. That when we meet in person that he will run to me and lift me and twirl me around! Gosh! I was tempted to make a response but then I realized what for?? It does not matter…
But was I jealous when he posted that? Honestly? No!! Really! I am not. Why would I? He can do anything but he can no longer hurt me. I know already why I was hooked into him and I knew now that he manipulated me and he is still doing it. Does that mean that I am still hanging on? That as long as I am on TB and as long as I still see him from the distance that I am that I am still haning on?
As long as I am on that same social site I am always this close to contacting him. But I do not want to contact him anymore…and I didnt message him for almost a month now...I don’t want to go through that roller coaster emotions again. Besides I do not want to hurt my husband again.
Why did I log on anyway? Why did I go on to the forum when I knew he is frequent there? Is it because I wanted to be visible to him? Why? Is being in the forum is closest I could get to him? Why would I still want to be visible? Or I want to hurt him by not responding to his posts? I might still probably be in the “get even” stage of grieving… that’s all I want right now…I know this will pass…the grieving will end…I have gone a long way…I just need to be patient…
Any one who can help me see if I broke the NC rule? I saw him on the forum on the same social site where we are both member...I saw his posts... he saw my posts...but I did not "talk" or responded to his responses on the topic forum I posted...
Any one who can tell me also i I really have to and need to cancel my account with the social site so that I wont see him anymore? Long sighhhh....
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Post by Loving My Life on May 16, 2013 2:19:35 GMT -8
keytomyheart,
I think you know the answer to your question about nc. I did not hear alot about what you have done for your recovery, but I did hear alot about your poa.
So you are still getting something from the crumbs your poa is throwing.
It is still a cat an mouse games, and I beleive you are not being totally honest with yourself about how you really feel about being jealous, because alot of your post was about your poa..and whatever is on our mind, and in our heart, usually comes out of our mouths.
I dont think is it a good idea to be on dating site when you new in recovery, and especially not one your poa is on.
So the question was, what have you been doing for YOUR recovery? And you said going on dating site, where your poa is. This is not a healthy choice.
Your recovery is about you, not your poa.
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Post by LovelyJune on May 16, 2013 2:52:19 GMT -8
Walking the walk over here! Even though sometimes it's hard. I have to keep reminding myself that my personal value is worth the effort and action of doing what's right and good.  thekeytomyheart, I have to agree with loving my life. You're not focusing on you at all! It's all about the PoA. Let this person go. You're carrying around an extra 100 pounds of weight and it's slowing you down and keeping you from being the woman you are meant to be. |
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Post by loveaddicted on May 16, 2013 7:41:53 GMT -8
I am trying to get passed my mistakes. wanting to get sober and doing it one day at a time. for me that is all I can do. I go to work I get up to my cardio for my heart. did not drink last night went to the park. have councilor tomorrow and tonight wanting to go to a AA meetings. planning on going over the weekend.
trying stay away from any more men and bars. trying to love myself as God loves me and see myself as God sees me instead of who I see myself or men see me. by the way I am so tired of men. decided to be alone for as long as it takes. finding love addicts meetings also. that is all any of us can do. one day at a time. and pray alot.
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Post by loveaddicted on May 16, 2013 7:44:33 GMT -8
oh for the first time in three years found the courage to block his numbers and he hasn't responded to any of my emails. so goal is to accept it is over.
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Post by carito1988 on Sept 16, 2013 13:51:45 GMT -8
That is a great news, this process is a way full of actions. I have made like a schedule during my whole day, and one of this jobs is making steps, read or share somethings here, going to meetings, and pray God who can helped me.
Today I was thinking I am not good at all in this area of love, but this is not my whole life, I have many things more in it. My family, a good job, I have many others hobbies to be greatfull with God about this.
Caro.
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