Awareness and Consciousness | A Brighter Tomorrow

Loving My Life
Elder Member

Senior Member

I am a beautiful child of God . . ."My Inner Child."

Posts: 4,139

Awareness and Consciousness May 17, 2013 3:21:37 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Loving My Life on May 17, 2013 3:21:37 GMT -8

I need to share where I am today with my feelings and my new job, a lot of emotions and feeling rejected keep rearing it's ugly head, but what is different today is I am very aware of this, and I dont react to my feelings.

As some of you know I started this new job about 2 months ago, and I shared in another post about what had happened with all of the thoughts of my new boss, will I got that out of my head, and I know the boundaries. But this still does not make my character defects disappear.

I have to keep reminding myself this is a job, and if someone does not respond to you or to your email it is because this is not good business practices, I have not got the scoop on that yet, but I am learning, but it still does not make my feelings of being rejected go away, and then I feel hurt, and my inner child wants to pitch a fit, I see all of this now.

So it is just not with the poa, it is just with any person who I feel like is rejecting me, I want to know why, what have I done, and the truth is I have not done anything wrong, there are just boundaries in all aspects of life, no matter where you go, and we have to respect those boundaries, whether we like it or not.

I am sharing this because I never noticed things like this before when I was working or moving through my life, I would drink over this stuff.

We have to put on different hats through out our day, if we are at work, we have to act as such, and if we are out with friends then we can let our hair down and not worry too much about what to say or do, there is a time and place for everything.

I am just sharing this in case anyone else is having the same issues. I know for me starting this new job, I see my inner child wanting to take over and show her butt, and this is not the right thing to do.

Some of the same feelings that I had with my poa, are some of the same feelings that I am having on this new job. And it is all coming from within myself, and no one else. So there is still a lot of work to be done, on me.

I hope this makes sense. And please share.

Last Edit: May 17, 2013 3:26:30 GMT -8 by Loving My Life

One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)

Loveanimals
Elder Member

Newcomer Greeter & Moderator

John 10:10 and The Serenity Prayer

Posts: 1,849

Awareness and Consciousness May 17, 2013 6:59:03 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Loveanimals on May 17, 2013 6:59:03 GMT -8

Hi Loving My Life,

Thank you for bringing this up! I used to feel the same way when someone doesn't respond to me at work. I've learned that many times the person is just overwhelmed and overloaded and it's not a priority for that person to reply to me. Yet it took me years of working to learn this.

I do feel some rejection socially at work, there was one woman who was kind of cold with me yet she has a baby and said she doesn't get much sleep and is grumpy, so I realized it was her and not me. Thankfully I then found some new friends who are happy and fun to be around, they make working so much better.

Some of us are just more sensitive to our environment and surroundings. In DBT we learn about wise mind which is the center of our emotions and rational mind and sometimes what we see is not the truth. We might think someone is angry with us or rejecting us when in fact that person could be tired, overworked, stressed, etc. It's all a perception.

Susan Peabody
Elder Member

Administrator

Welcome to recovery . . .

Posts: 9,776

Awareness and Consciousness May 17, 2013 9:06:32 GMT -8 RoseNadler likes this

Quote

Post by Susan Peabody on May 17, 2013 9:06:32 GMT -8

I have to keep reminding myself this is a job, and if someone does not respond to you or to your email it is because this is not good business practices, I have not got the scoop on that yet, but I am learning, but it still does not make my feelings of being rejected go away, and then I feel hurt, and my inner child wants to pitch a fit, I see all of this now.

Confession . . . One of my shortcomings, character defects, sins, etc (they are actually defense mechanisms) is my sensitivity to rejection. There is this lens in front of eyes and people's actions get distorted through that lens. They are busy and I feel rejected, which triggers age rejection, which brings memories of being rejected as a child.

Next comes fight or flight. I used to breakdown and cry. Around the age of 12 I started getting angry and focusing that on the person who I perceive as ignoring me.

My therapist shocked me when she said this was a narcissistic wound. My child is at the center of the universe and how dare you ignore her. (I blame everything on my inner child.)

I hate being a situational narcissist, so I have been working on this for years. I have a list of affirmations for this. They help but often only after the initial outburst. Is that too late, or am I just a wounded person?

?

When People Are Unavailable

No one is purposely trying to abandon or reject me, and I can choose to remember this.

I don’t need to be a hostage taker. I can honor somebody’s saying “I am not available.”

How other people spend their time is none of my business, and I will not judge their choices.

“No” is a complete sentence. I do not have to change people’s minds.

I have enough people in my life that even if someone isn’t available to me I’m ok. I have God, other people, and meetings.

My serenity is not dependent on any one person’s availability. I can be serene even if no one is there to help me.

It is progress, not perfection

Last Edit: May 17, 2013 9:16:35 GMT -8 by Susan Peabody

Loving My Life
Elder Member

Senior Member

I am a beautiful child of God . . ."My Inner Child."

Posts: 4,139

Awareness and Consciousness May 17, 2013 11:28:09 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Loving My Life on May 17, 2013 11:28:09 GMT -8

Thanks Loveanimals and Susan,

I will keep that list in my mind also.

I just never thought about any of these things when I was drinking, I was just a mess, and did exactly like I wanted to. lol

But now I am so in tune to what is going on within myself, I can see this now.

What a blessing all of this is. I can play the whole tape out first, before I react, and a lot of time no reaction is necessary, just let it go.

Last Edit: May 17, 2013 11:29:15 GMT -8 by Loving My Life

One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)