Chrissy
Junior Member
Newcomer Greeter
Posts: 75
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Post by Chrissy on Oct 6, 2008 4:02:24 GMT -8
Many, many women who love too much discover that this obsession with another person represents, on a daily basis, ninety percent or more of who they are in terms of their thoughts feelings, behavior, and use of their personal energy. Only ten percent is left over for dealing with every other aspect of life.
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Post by LovelyJune on Oct 10, 2008 13:29:08 GMT -8
wow...this was so true for me. It's really a challenge letting go and allowing your brain the repose from thinking and thinking of the same person all day long! i can only wonder what an empty brain would feel like!
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Post by Rilly on Oct 10, 2008 15:18:43 GMT -8
Ok. What are the statistics for men? lol
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Post by Judy on Oct 11, 2008 6:31:32 GMT -8
Funny you should mention the "empy brain" telmita. I am doing that in my life right now. Not only with the POA but with everything - jobs, family, social life. For the first time in my life I would like to see what it's like to live without an agenda. To just be.
That probably sounds very new agey, but since coming to this site, and the huge spiritual awakening about love addiction this summer, I have seen that I have based decisions, my whole life, on getting something outside of myself to make me feel good/worthy about myself - OR - running away from pain when those decisions didn't work out.
I guess I'm trying to give myself a retreat while still having to be in this day to day world. I am working to cover expenses. Not jumping into any job just because it's high-paying. I am refraining from always having to make comments or initiate conversations. I am not saving and helping just to bolster my ego and lack of self esteem. I am not ingratiating myself so people will like me.
It's incredibly interesting. It's scairy because I think I "should" be doing this or "should" be doing that. But I like it. I wish I had felt this way at 20. It leads to a sense of security in oneself.
I didn't know that you could be interested in something or someone and not have to rush out and do something about it. (and OVER do in my case) I never knew about process. People secure within themselves can trust the process. Trust their boundaries. Trust their decisions. Trust making a mistake.
Who knew this would happen from detaching from the POA?
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Post by LovelyJune on Oct 11, 2008 9:22:07 GMT -8
I never knew about process. People secure within themselves can trust the process. Trust their boundaries. Trust their decisions. Trust making a mistake. This is so poignant, Judy. When we are in a healthy relationship or simply living healthy it is true. One does find that sense of trusting. I felt it in the first few months of this past relationship. But as soon as he started to detach, i stopped "trusting." Not so much him but ME. As soon as i felt the impending sense of loss that is when i sacrificed my boundaries. Thinking that would win him back or draw him in closer. It did not. In the end, right before he left me, i drew those boundaries around me again and began to trust the inevitable path that we would take away from each other. I MUST remind myself daily to trust that this relationship has run its course and accept it. NO kicking and screaming. Just keeping busy and trusting my process again... T
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