Post by Havefaith on Jul 9, 2013 9:07:05 GMT -8
requin -- be gentle with yourself. We're love addicts in recovery, and sometimes we do get triggered -- even by healthy situations. You're right -- the adult in you knows that it's healthy and normal for him to continue pursuing his own interests (while you continue to pursue yours). It is the inner child/adolescent who feels abandoned. But -- we are adults. We can't technically be abandoned. We have to remind ourselves of that over and over, and that is ok. Accept how you feel, but also know that feelings do not necessarily reflect reality. There is no quick and easy 'fix' -- start by acknowledging how you feel but also remind yourself that these feelings come from the inner child who is crying out. Then enlist the adult in you to refocus and re-evaluate the situation.
One of the absolute best books I've ever read in terms of changing the way I think (from obsessive/compulsive to healthy) is Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz's "You Are Not Your Brain" -- Dr. S is a psychiatrist and this book is an easy-to-read, step-by-step approach (very pragmatic) that helps to change our thought patterns. It is brilliant. I refer to it daily. I've read the entire thing; I follow his four-step approach and keep the book by my side, reading a few pages here and there to uplift myself and keep myself on track. And please know that you don't have to be classic OCD to read this book. I have found the book and the methods presented extremely applicable to the issues I struggle with in love addiction.
Perhaps while your friend is out of town, you could visit your local bookstore (or check it out on Amazon or his website jeffreymschwartz.com. You are worth it, requin, and it will edify and move you forward. Check this out; gives a quick overview of his book --
Let's give the Adult in us a chance to steer the bus!
HaveFaith
One of the absolute best books I've ever read in terms of changing the way I think (from obsessive/compulsive to healthy) is Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz's "You Are Not Your Brain" -- Dr. S is a psychiatrist and this book is an easy-to-read, step-by-step approach (very pragmatic) that helps to change our thought patterns. It is brilliant. I refer to it daily. I've read the entire thing; I follow his four-step approach and keep the book by my side, reading a few pages here and there to uplift myself and keep myself on track. And please know that you don't have to be classic OCD to read this book. I have found the book and the methods presented extremely applicable to the issues I struggle with in love addiction.
Perhaps while your friend is out of town, you could visit your local bookstore (or check it out on Amazon or his website jeffreymschwartz.com. You are worth it, requin, and it will edify and move you forward. Check this out; gives a quick overview of his book --
Let's give the Adult in us a chance to steer the bus!
HaveFaith
