Post by hrp on Aug 6, 2013 0:38:58 GMT -8
I haven't posted on here in a very long time. Life has been good and recovery has been fruitful.
About 10 months ago I asked a man out. I had been around him long enough to observe and got the thumbs up from a respected friend. He and I are both long term AA recovery. I am in al anon as well. And well, I'm here too.
I hit a bottom with a Poa about 2 years ago and did a lot of soul searching. I noticed that my choices shifted. I no longer was attracted to womanizers and I could recognize them in a heart beat. I made a change, instead of taking what came my way, I asked this guy out.
Ill state we are both in our late 30's. adults, responsible, etc. we've been building something lovely but he began building walls after some time. I recognized it but it just seemed like a lot of push and pull. I do it as well, fear.
After we went on a vacation together, he really started to withdrawal and I brought it up. But I was getting hyper critical and nagging too. Triggered. He recognized the behavior. He came up with solution. He has started therapy and doesn't want to continue the patterns. But, I am terrified.
My body dysmorphia is on red alert.
My self esteem, awful.
My insecurities are on fire.
I feel distrusting too and I don't think he's a cad- however I know he has patterns.
I feel very resentful.
While its been over a month and he's doing better, and trying(!) I feel I have so little say so these days. I don't know if its just my "stuff" or if I'm accurate in my appraisal.
The sex has stopped- and there are some good reasons for that. But they haven't been discussed. I feel I need to.
I feel he's too in control and I need to somewhat own my power too. Talking it out for me with positive women has been helpful but I don't want to be blind to some obvious trouble.
Oh yeah, and he also can't say "I love you"
I'm not surprised this is happening so much as I want to navigate it like an adult. I want to take care of myself
I don't know what it is I'm looking for here. I told him I'd walk through this with him. We've talked about a future together. I'm afraid. I'll leave it at that for now.
About 10 months ago I asked a man out. I had been around him long enough to observe and got the thumbs up from a respected friend. He and I are both long term AA recovery. I am in al anon as well. And well, I'm here too.
I hit a bottom with a Poa about 2 years ago and did a lot of soul searching. I noticed that my choices shifted. I no longer was attracted to womanizers and I could recognize them in a heart beat. I made a change, instead of taking what came my way, I asked this guy out.
Ill state we are both in our late 30's. adults, responsible, etc. we've been building something lovely but he began building walls after some time. I recognized it but it just seemed like a lot of push and pull. I do it as well, fear.
After we went on a vacation together, he really started to withdrawal and I brought it up. But I was getting hyper critical and nagging too. Triggered. He recognized the behavior. He came up with solution. He has started therapy and doesn't want to continue the patterns. But, I am terrified.
My body dysmorphia is on red alert.
My self esteem, awful.
My insecurities are on fire.
I feel distrusting too and I don't think he's a cad- however I know he has patterns.
I feel very resentful.
While its been over a month and he's doing better, and trying(!) I feel I have so little say so these days. I don't know if its just my "stuff" or if I'm accurate in my appraisal.
The sex has stopped- and there are some good reasons for that. But they haven't been discussed. I feel I need to.
I feel he's too in control and I need to somewhat own my power too. Talking it out for me with positive women has been helpful but I don't want to be blind to some obvious trouble.
Oh yeah, and he also can't say "I love you"
I'm not surprised this is happening so much as I want to navigate it like an adult. I want to take care of myself
I don't know what it is I'm looking for here. I told him I'd walk through this with him. We've talked about a future together. I'm afraid. I'll leave it at that for now.
