I am not sure how to work this process but doing my best and I thought taking my inventory from this list of 40 was a good place to go at this point.
1. You are very needy when it comes to relationships.- I try to act tough and independent but inside any validation I get I lap it up and repeat it to myself over and over and over obsessively n without that validation I feel like I am worthless and a nothing and I can become depressed and feel suicidal quite quickly.
2. You fall in love very easily and too quickly.- Every time, every relationship, was a whirlwind romance and I was deeply in love with my fantasy of him very, very quickly and justifying any bad behavior to keep him on that pedestal and keep me in love.
3. When you fall in love, you can’t stop fantasizing—even to do important things. You can’t help yourself.- yup, as stated in last statement.
4. Sometimes, when you are lonely and looking for companionship, you lower your standards and settle for less than you want or deserve.- same as above. totally inappropriate partners who are dysfunctional, as I now see I am, and who will take advantage of me, and who are definitely not my equal.
5. When you are in a relationship, you tend to smother your partner.- I did do this when I was younger, I have learned in my people pleasing ways to not do this, most of the time, until the neediness builds up and I explode with needs.
6. More than once, you have gotten involved with someone who is unable to commit—hoping he or she will change.- lots of those, until it became too painful then it was committing myself to whomever would commit to me, even if they weren't someone I knew I would be happy with or who would meet my needs, who cares, they want to give me love and I need it so desperately I will take it.
7. Once you have bonded with someone, you can’t let go.-I honestly don't think I have ever gotten over any lover I have ever had or not had. any rejection in my life circles around and around in my brain. My loses haunt me.
8. When you are attracted to someone, you will ignore all the warning signs that this person is not good for you. - yup....in over my head far too fast and then I cannot let anything keep me from the chance to fulfill my dream that someone will finally love me and stand by me forever. never reject or abandon me.
9 Initial attraction is more important to you than anything else when it comes to falling in love and choosing a partner. Falling in love over time does not appeal to you and is not an option.- I never feel I have time. I am always afraid of it falling apart or me ending up alone so I must make it come together quickly and get us both in over our heads. The pain of this has to stop, at this point I have to stop, I need to stop, not sure I trust myself to do this but I am trying to connect with this forum and coda group and get my head on straight, please god, angels, anyone out there, help me stop and get my head on straight and be able to reject inappropriate people who want me and not get into something with someone soon, please!!!
10. When you are in love, you trust people who are not trustworthy. The rest of the time you have a hard time trusting people.- I know people, like my parents, will let me down, but yes, like a 5yr old I hope and pray this stranger will be the one person worth my trust, even with my time waited to build it and making myself far too vulnerable.
11. When a relationship ends, you feel your life is over and more than once you have thought about suicide because of a failed relationship.- I have some seriously low lows. Especially after my last engagement ended this Christmas. Cant stop thinking about suicide and wishing the pain would end. I wont leave my daughter here without me, I brought her here and I feel I need to be here to see her through this life, but my lows are low, I feel gutted quite frequently these days.
12. You take on more than your share of responsibility for the survival of a relationship.- I did it all alone in my last relationship while he got a free ride, with parenting, finances, household stuff, it was truly a joke how much I let him use me.
13. Love and relationships are the only things that interest you.- yup, evn became a therapist. i am excellent at understanding other people, enough to take on their feelings, needs, life, and have none of my own. perfect rescuer. all my time is nurturing others and talking about relationships, at work and at home.
14. In some of your relationships you were the only one in love.- yup, while the other person was indifferent even.
15. You are overwhelmed with loneliness when you are not in love or in a relationship.- yup, i feel fear of being alone and death every night when i go to sleep.
16. You cannot stand being alone. You do not enjoy your own company.- i like time alone now more, as i get older, relationships are truly exhausting but i eat myself alive with criticism when i am alone.
17. More than once, you have gotten involved with the wrong person to avoid being lonely.- yup, as discussed above.
18 You are terrified of never finding someone to love.- terrified!!!!! time is a wasting and i will die alone...yup...so scared without a man to love me it feels like my life will mean nothing.
19 You feel inadequate if you are not in a relationship.- yup, as above
20 You cannot say no when you are in love or if your partner threatens to leave you.- yup
21. You try very hard to be who your partner wants you to be. You will do anything to please him or her—even abandon yourself (sacrifice what you want, need and value).-yup, this is truly sobering and sad for me to read.
22. When you are in love, you only see what you want to see. You distort reality to quell anxiety and feed your fantasies.- i am incredible at justifying and explaining away the worst behavior.
23. You have a high tolerance for suffering in relationships. You are willing to suffer neglect, depression, loneliness, dishonesty—even abuse—to avoid the pain of separation anxiety (what you feel when you are not with someone you have bonded with).- yup
24. More than once, you have carried a torch for someone and it was agonizing.- yup
25. You love romance. You have had more than one romantic interest at a time even when it involved dishonesty.- YAY...ONE NO...I HAVE NEVER EVER CHEATED ON SOMEONE,I AM EXTREMELY LOYAL, TO A FAULT
26. You have stayed with an abusive person.- NOT PHYSICAL...but emotional, but I do have a line, thank god. after seeing my mom talked down to by my dad i will leave, but i move on fast and pine for the abusive jerk forever.
27. Fantasies about someone you love, even if he or she is unavailable, are more important to you than meeting someone who is available.- no, i want a real live person but i do carry torchs for other forever.
28. You are terrified of being abandoned. Even the slightest rejection feels like abandonment and it makes you feel horrible.- yup
29. You chase after people who have rejected you and try desperately to change their minds.- i use to but now i dont want to feel that low so i chase for a brief time and literally force myself to stop but i do track em on facebook and think about them still.
30. When you are in love, you are overly possessive and jealous.- internally yes but i never say anything or act it out, i act too cool, but internally i am terribly insecure and needy. i tell myself i am special and no one can be me to them so they wont cheat, but if they do, i have to leave as i give up myself enough in the relationship that infidelity makes me far too sick to stay. i give it all, as the people pleaser i am so cheating i cannot stomach.
31. More than once, you have neglected family or friends because of your relationship.- i see them, but less often as my family with my man comes first, so, without justifying, yes.
32. You have no impulse control when you are in love.- i have incredible control to act like someone i am not. someone perfect. but i gain weight from suppressing my needs nsd eventually it comes out.
33. You feel an overwhelming need to check up on someone you are in love with.- i work to trust, even when they dont deserve it. if i get to a place where i dont trust i walk away
34. More than once, you have spied on someone you are in love with.- never
35. You pursue someone you are in love with even if he or she is with another person.- never
36. If you are part of a love triangle (three people), you believe all is fair in love and war. You do not walk away.- never been in love triangle
37. Love is the most important thing in the world to you.- yes
38. Even if you are not in a relationship, you still fantasize about love all the time— either someone you once loved or the perfect person who is going to come into your life someday. -yes
39. As far back as you can remember, you have been preoccupied with love and romantic fantasies. -yes, since i was very, very young, i dreamed someone would make me feel special, love me, be loyal to me, id be there number one
40. You feel powerless when you fall in love—as if you are in some kind of trance or under a spell. -yes
Read more:
loveaddictionforum.proboards.com/thread/279/love-addict-40#ixzz2rYmRtfne