Post by Susan Peabody on Oct 19, 2013 9:58:17 GMT -8
I must intervene here. Self-deprecation is not allowed on this board. This is the voice of our "parent tape," "inner critic," low self-esteem. You must tape affirmations over this negative tape in your head.
In God's eyes I am perfect.
I am a work in progress.
I am ok.
Be patient; God is not through with me yet.
I am perfectly imperfect.
I am loveable, warts and all.
My recovery is progress, not perfection.
etc...
I am concerned by your willfullness ..."No one can convice me otherwise." You must be teachable to recover.
You think you are beyond forgiveness but that is not true. I was a prostitute to please my PoA. I traded my daughter for the attention of an inmate in San Quentin. I neglected my children because of my love addiction. I injured myself. My daughter died hating me. My living son is trying to forgive me. I am the kind of love addict that would do anything for love. I have been forgiven for all this by God. I am working on forgiving myself.
How did I do this? I was in a 12-Step Program and I was taught the spiritual approach to self-forgiveness.
I was an agnostic. My sponsor helped me learn to believe in God. Then she told me God loved me. I did not believe it. Eventually I did. She said God had forgiven me. I did not believe it. Eventually I did.
Loving myself changed my life. This was the missing element in my life. Not the love of a man, but my love for God and myself.
We all have our own horror stories, buy a refusal to forgive ouselves does not help. This is not a suggestion, this is mandatory.
Go to the forum for self-esteem. Live and learn. If you are still stuck create an inner child. Maybe you can love her the way you can't yet love yourself. If you love God, look at yourself through his eyes.
The mind believes what we say to ourselves. It cannot differentiate between the truth and what is false. So you must think positive to thrive. Would you treat your child the way you treat yourself.
My heart goes out to you. I was once where you are now. Bless you on your journey.
