|
|
Post by From the ashes on Dec 20, 2013 9:38:20 GMT -8
I have just realised both my parents were narcissistic, no wonder I felt so dispised, unsafe, abused and I can say hand on heart my childhood was all about their mind games.
There is so much I have blocked out trying to make them normal in my head but truth is it was never because of anything I did wrong, it was because they were toxic.
I was always trying to please by acting on their idea of a lovable daughter until I hit my teens and refused to participate by playing what ever role they needed.
I seem to be surrounded by them, I see traits of myself in the narcissistic personality except for feeling superior or special.
Reality sure does hurt but with every truth I get to know myself more.
|
|
|
|
Post by From the ashes on Dec 20, 2013 10:02:18 GMT -8
That probably means I'm narcissistic too :-( .
Now I'm scaring myself.
|
|
|
|
Post by From the ashes on Dec 20, 2013 15:23:37 GMT -8
All my childhood I had to be on guard because everything that was offered or said had an ulterior motive.
My fantasies let me block all this out and now all I have is paranoia.
When all around you is people out for all they can squeeze out of you, how do you live???
|
|
|
|
Post by From the ashes on Dec 21, 2013 7:29:55 GMT -8
Today I woke up and really saw who is narcissistic, I have always had a huge reaction to flee from them.Now I understand why!
I married into a narcissistic family too so even though they are out of my life it still affects my children.
I have to let my teenage children learn for themselves as trying to control what affects them is narcissistic in itself.
|
|
|
|
Post by From the ashes on Dec 21, 2013 7:40:18 GMT -8
I can't manipulate, control life or people, by trying was narcissistic too.
It's like a light bulb moment, I can see why I have reacted badly to past situations, learn better ways to protect myself without disrespecting other people's boundaries. I realise I too have narcissistic tendencies which need to be addressed.
|
|
|
|
Post by From the ashes on Nov 23, 2015 11:39:57 GMT -8
I have come to realise my mum was a love addict and my dad was a love avoidant, I realised this yesterday and it has made it easier to forgive them. I can't forgive myself for my actions through love addiction without forgiving them too. I have felt the pain of my abusive childhood, I'm no longer in denial I am a survivor of child abuse!! I can feel sympathy towards my parents going through the toxic cycle of so called love and still acknowledge the emotional abuse, emotional incest and abandonment I felt but I feel free of toxic shame now. I feel sad that its took me so long but better late than never. I feel free since I have forgiven myself for being an imperfect human, I am lovable, worthy and am starting to love myself as well as forgiving all who have trespassed against me . X
|
|
