|
Post by CodepNomore on Jan 4, 2014 4:27:00 GMT -8
I hope to share with you the joy and optimism that I have through recovery… The more you recover, the better you will feel and in turn, the better you become. Therefore, this New Year and new day, take your recovery to a higher level and deeper meaning. Make your life worth living for you. Make each day count. I will post here different blogs/articles about happiness: 7 Reasons to Be Happy Even if Things Aren’t Perfect Now
“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” ~Unknown Even though I couldn’t possibly care less about oil-based raincoats, I listened to him talk for about fifteen minutes one rainy morning last week. This little guy, with his colorful button-down shirt and funny-looking hat makes my day most mornings. He works at the 7-11 where I get my coffee. And he always seems happy. At first I thought he was just putting on a good face, making the best of a tough situation. After all, he couldn’t possibly enjoy working at a convenience store, right? Then I realized I was missing the biggest part of his appeal: he does enjoy his job, and that’s why he seems so happy—because he is. Man, that’s awesome. I aim to be like him. My life doesn’t always look exactly like I want it to. I spend many days writing alone in my living room when I’d rather work from a beachside office space I share with friends. I drive a beat-up old Toyota when I’d far prefer something that doesn’t have roll-up windows or a cassette player. But the world doesn’t change all that much if I have more money, a different space, a better job, or a nicer car. The wrapping paper is different, but the gift inside stays the same. The way I feel about myself, how much I open myself to new people and experiences, how often I choose to smile simply because it feels good—none of these things depend on my life situation. Colorful shirt guy knows that. I suspect he knows these things, too: 1. Enjoying the present moment is a habit that takes practice. If you always look toward tomorrow for happiness, odds are you will do the same when you attain what you’ve been dreaming of. As strange it sounds, the ability to appreciate what’s in front of you has nothing to do with what you actually have. It’s more about how you measure the good things in your life at any given time. Practice wanting what you have and it will feel even sweeter when you eventually have what you want. Look around—what’s in front of you that can enjoy? 2. Finding reasons to be happy now can benefit your future. Dr. Dacher Keltner of the University of California claims she can predict a person’s future by judging the strength of their smile. Researchers examined yearbook photos of 111 female students taken between 1958 and 1960. Subsequent tests revealed that the women who expressed more positive emotion in those photos became more mentally focused, had more successful marriages, and enjoyed a greater sense of well-being. From the article: “While positive emotion tends to broaden thought, negative emotion tends to narrow it and hold back development….The findings of Dr Keltner and his colleagues, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, are among the first to show that differences in the extent to which people express emotion may be stable throughout their lives and dictate personal and social success.” 3. Tuning into joy can improve your health, something that affords you many possibilities in life. Something that most people take for granted until it’s compromised. Christopher Peterson, Ph.D of the University of Michigan, who has studied optimism’s link to health for over twenty years, shows optimistic people have a stronger immune system than their negative counterparts. This may be due to their tendency to take better care of themselves. Choose to be happy now and you’ll have more days of good health to enjoy. 4. Consistent, long-term happiness depends on your ability to notice and appreciate the details; you can hone that skill right now. Once you get everything you want, you will still be subject to life’s highs and lows. If you haven’t learned to enjoy the little things, your well-being will parallel your life’s circumstances. Every time something goes wrong, you’ll feel deeply unhappy (as opposed to disappointed, but determined to make the best of things). Think about the things that fill you with the most joy—spending time with your pets, listening to the rain, and running on the beach, for example. Focus on those things right now, and let them brighten your day. That way, no matter what changes, you’ll have a variety of simple pleasures to help you through. 5. Every day is a new opportunity to be better than yesterday; that pursuit can increase your self-esteem and, accordingly, your happiness. I used to be obsessed with being perfect. If I wasn’t the best at something, I couldn’t sleep at night. Becoming great never felt as good as I imagined it would because there was always room to be better. I was constantly dissatisfied and disappointed in myself. I now look at the things I do as opportunities to get better from one day to the next. It’s more satisfying to set and meet an attainable goal, like focusing better and writing an extra article tomorrow, than it is to obsess about perfection, stressing because I’m not a world-famous author. By focusing on small improvements and mini-goals, you’ll naturally move yourself toward your larger dreams. And you’ll respect the way you’re doing things. 6. You can be who you want to be right now, no matter what your situation looks like. You may think life needs to change dramatically for you to be the person you want to be. That you can’t be giving unless you make more money. Or you can’t be adventurous until you sell your house. The truth is, you can be those things at any point in time. So you don’t have money to share. Be generous with your compassion, and listen when your friends have problems. So your house hasn’t sold, pinning you in one place. Create adventure in your day by trying new things and introducing yourself to new people. You never know when your nows will run out, so ask yourself, “How can I be that person I want to be in this moment?” 7. Finding joy in the present moment, no matter how inadequate it may seem, makes a difference in other people’s lives. Though we all have different lists of dreams and goals, for most of us this is at the forefront: the possibility of living a meaningful life that affects other people for the better. Happiness is a moment-to-moment choice, one that many have a hard time making. Other people will notice if you make that choice. And you will motivate them to do the same. As the research above indicates, this motivation has a substantial impact on their health and future happiness. I know this isn’t your usual reasons-to-be-happy post. It didn’t start or end with “count your blessings” and I didn’t delve into your relationships or good fortune. There’s a very good reason for that. I don’t think happiness is so much about what you have. What you have changes; your “blessings” evolve. Happiness is about how you interpret what’s in front of you. How proud you are of the way you live your life. How willing you are to enjoy simple pleasures, even if things aren’t perfect. Though I have’t always done this well, today I choose to focus on the good—both in the world and myself—to feel happy right now. How will you tune into happiness today? tinybuddha.com/blog/7-reasons-to-be-happy-even-if-things-aren%E2%80%99t-perfect-now/
|
|
|
Post by Looking4peace on Jan 4, 2014 6:08:13 GMT -8
Thank you for this. I think that along the road of recovery, it gets easy to lose track of all there is to be grateful for. It is hard to focus on the good that is right in front of us. This is an excellent reminder of that. For me, today, I am grateful that I am "here". Here is in my house, with my husband who has not given up on me. Here is sitting in front of my computer reading and learning from brave souls who come here to learn and help each other learn and grow along the way. Thank you again.
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Jan 4, 2014 11:48:03 GMT -8
You are most welcome.
Yes, it is a good reminder to be grateful for everything and to focus on the good—in both the universe and myself—to feel happy right now. I believe there is always something to be grateful for and to be excited about in life.
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Jan 8, 2014 6:10:09 GMT -8
10 Ways Happy People Choose HappinessHappiness is a choice. For every minute you are angry or irritated, you lose 60 seconds of happiness. Be happy. Be yourself. If others don’t like it, then let them be. Life isn’t about pleasing everybody. If you have the courage to admit when you’re scared, the ability to laugh even as you cry, the nerve to speak up, even if your voice is shaking, the confidence to ask for help when you need it, and the wisdom to take it when it’s offered, then you have everything you need to get yourself to a happier state of mind. Begin today by taking responsibility for your own contentment. Here are ten ways to choose happiness: 1. Choose to be the best YOU can be. – Give it your all in everything you do, commit to your goals, and don’t compare yourself to anyone else. John Wooden once said, “Success and happiness is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.” Never try to be better than anyone else, but never stop trying to be the best you can be. If you feel called to compare yourself to someone, compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself. 2. Choose to be around the right people. – Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded. Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you – people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. When you free yourself from negative people, you free yourself to be YOU – and being YOU is the only way to truly live. 3. Choose to focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t. – When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciates in value. Being grateful for the goodness that is already evident in your life willbring you a deeper sense of happiness. And that’s without having to go out and buy or acquire anything new. It makes sense. You will have a hard time ever being happy if you aren’t thankful for what you already have. 4. Choose a good attitude. – What often screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be. And the reason so many of us give up is because we tend to look at how far we still have to go, instead of how far we have come. Remember, life is a journey, not a destination. This moment, like every moment, is a priceless gift and an opportunity. Be positive, smile, and make it count. Pretend today is going to be great. Do so, and it will be. Research shows that although we think that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act. A great attitude always leads to great experiences. 5. Choose to smile more often. – A smile is a choice, not a miracle. Don’t wait for people to smile. Show them how. A genuine smile makes you and everyone around you feel better. The simple act of smiling sends a message to your brain that you’re happy. And when you’re happy, your body pumps out all kinds of feel-good endorphins. This reaction has been studied since the 1980’s and has been proven a number of times. Bottom line: Smiling actually makes you happier. 6. Choose to take care of your body. – Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be. If you don’t have your physical energy in good shape, then your mental energy (your focus), your emotional energy (your feelings), and your spiritual energy (your purpose) will all be negatively affected. Recent studies conducted on people who were clinically depressed showed that consistent exercise significantly raises happiness levels in the near-term. Not only that, six months later, the people who had continued to exercise were less likely to relapse into depression because they had a higher sense of self-accomplishment and self-worth. 7. Choose honesty. – Start being honest with yourself and everyone else. Don’t cheat. Be faithful. Be kind. Do the right thing! It is a less complicated way to live. Integrity is the essence of everything successful. When you break the rules of integrity you invite serious complications into your life. Keep life simple and enjoyable by doing what you know in your heart is right. Don’t get involved with drama that doesn’t affect you. 8. Choose to help others when you’re able. – Care about people. In life, you get what you put in. When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life. Do something that’s greater than you – something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less. 9. Choose to let go when you know you should. – Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. Love is worth fighting for, but you can’t be the only one fighting. People need to fight for you too. If they don’t, you eventually have to move on and realize that what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Some relationships and situations just can’t be fixed. If you try to force them back together, things will only get worse. Holding on is being brave, but letting go and moving on is often what makes us stronger and happier. 10. Choose to embrace the next step in your life. – You can hold on to the past, or you can create your own happiness today. Never let success get to your head and never let failure get to your heart. Every day is a new beginning and a new ending. Embrace it, make the best of it, smile, and keep looking straight ahead. And don’t forget, a smile doesn’t always mean a person is happy right now; sometimes it simply means they are strong enough to face their problems going forward. And remember, your mind is your private sanctuary; do not allow the negative beliefs of others to occupy it. Your skin is your barrier; do not allow others to get under it. Take control of your boundaries and what you allow yourself to absorb from others.Never let someone’s opinion become your reality. Never sacrifice who you are because someone else has a problem with it. Love who you are inside and out. No one else has the power to make you feel small unless you give them that power. You are the only one who can create your happiness. The choice is yours. Choose happiness. www.marcandangel.com/2012/03/01/10-ways-happy-people-choose-happiness/
|
|
|
Post by allie1 on Jan 8, 2014 7:24:41 GMT -8
Thanks for this codepnomore. I relapsed and contacted my PoA the other day so I'm really struggling with depression. I can tell this thread will be very helpful to me so thanks In response to the Tiny Buddha article... 5. "Every day is a new opportunity to be better than yesterday." I tried to focus on making today better than yesterday, so I thought about yesterday. Then I realized yesterday was great! I woke up in a lot of pain, but didn't spend too much time wallowing in it. I managed to get out of bed, clean a little, cook, eat and do basic self-care. I even watched TV, hung out with a friend, chaired an SLAA meeting, made some outreach calls, and treated myself to a nice dinner. All the while I was considering myself a failure for having slipped and contacted my PoA. Interesting. Since yesterday was a day of relaxation (I'm on vacation from school), maybe I'll focus on being productive today and getting stuff done for my internship. 6. "You can be who you want to be right now, no matter what your situation looks like." I don't know who I want to be, that's the problem There's a huge part of me that still wants to be perfect and wants outside validation. I guess I want to be someone who can validate myself, but it's sooo difficult. The never-ending struggle I'm trying to notice the little things - how beautiful the Sun is looking out the window, listening to good music, etc. But there is still something missing and I feel so empty.
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Jan 8, 2014 10:38:24 GMT -8
That is good. You are seeing the brighter side.
The “part of you that still wants to be perfect and wants outside validation” need some work and/or rethinking. “Progress not perfection.” “Nobody’s perfect.” Therefore, giving your best is enough.
Perfection is an invitation for failure. Outside validation is people pleasing. The more you seek it the more you are opening yourself to people’s subjective and ever-changing opinion, rejection, criticism, etc. However, it all takes time. Take it one day at a time. Just do what you can for the moment.
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Jan 9, 2014 6:36:48 GMT -8
10 Little Habits that Steal Your HappinessYou ultimately become what you repeatedly do. If your habits aren’t helping you, they’re hurting you. Here are a few examples of the latter that will steal your happiness if you let them: 1. Focusing on everyone’s story except your own. Don’t be so satisfied with the success stories of others and how things have gone for them that you forget to write your own. Unfold your own tale and bring it to life. You have everything you need to become what you are capable of becoming. Incredible change happens when you decide to take control. This means consuming less and creating more. It means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and deciding for you. It means learning to respect and use your own ideas and instincts to write your passage. If you want your life story to soar to new heights, you’ve got to clear a path, reduce the time-sinks and burdens weighing you down, and pick up the things that give you wings. Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them every day. If you truly care about what you do and you work diligently at it, there’s almost nothing you can’t accomplish. 2. Waiting for the perfect moment. Don’t buy into the myth of the perfect moment. Moments aren’t perfect; they’re what you make them. So many people wait around for the stars to align to do what they’re here to do. The perfect moment, the perfect opportunity, the perfect state of being, etc. Wake up! These states of perfection are myths. They do not exist. Your ability to grow to your highest potential is directly related to your willingness to act in the face of imperfection. You will come to succeed not byfinding a perfect moment, but by learning to see and use life’s imperfections perfectly. Read The Power of Now . 3. Working for nothing more than a paycheck. Work without interest is imprisonment. Even if you aren’t super-passionate about your work, you’ve got to at least be interested in it. When you design a lifestyle in which your work is something you suffer through daily strictly to pay your bills, you end up spending your entire life wishing you had someone else’s. Think about it. This is your life; your work will fill a large percentage of it. It’s not all about the money; it’s about you. Ignore the propaganda, especially from people who say, “Don’t let your work define you.” Reverse this message and mediate on it: “I will do work that defines me.” When the essence of who you are defines at least some slice of the work you do for a living, that work generates fulfillment. Bottom line: Interest in your work puts quality in your output and happiness in your mind. Don’t settle for a paycheck. Shuffle around until you find work that interests you. 4. Harboring feelings of hate. As Martin Luther King Jr. so profoundly said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Truth be told, when we harbor feelings of hate, it eventually gets the best of us. It takes control of us. We forget why we hate, what we hate, and whom we hate – we simply hate for the sake of hating. And then, naturally, we begin to hate ourselves too. Everything and everyone you hate rents permanent space in both your head and heart. So if you want to eliminate something or someone from your mind, don’t hate. Instead, disconnect yourself, move on, and don’t look back. Read The Mastery of Love . 5. Holding tight to worries and fears. Someday when you look back over your life you’ll realize that nearly all of your worries and anxious fears never came to fruition – they were completely unfounded. So why not wake up and realize this right now. When you look back over the last few years, how many opportunities for joy did you destroy with needless worry and negativity? Although there’s nothing you can do about these lost joys, there’s plenty you can do about the ones that are still to come. You will find that it’s necessary to let some things go simply for the reason that they’re heavy on your heart and soul. Let go of them. Don’t clamp shackles to your own ankles. It’s incredibly easy to enjoy more of your life right now, no matter what the situation. It’s just a matter of letting go of the layers of nonsense that are weighing you down. Let go of your worries and fears, of your rage and jealousy, of your need to always be right and control others. Let go of your pretentiousness and your need to have everything your way. Underneath all these layers of nonsense there is a happy, productive person. When you start peeling them off and simply appreciating everything for what it is, life can be wonderfully fulfilling. 6. Dwelling on difficulties. A bad day is just a bad day. Choose not to make it anything more. Times of adversity will inevitably affect the conditions in which you live and work; yet you don’t have to let it affect who you are and where you’re headed. Take note of the setbacks and adjust to them, but don’t expand on them by making them a bigger part of your life. Every day brings new lessons and new possibilities. There is always a way to take the next step forward on the path you’ve chosen. Events may be terrible and inescapable at times, but you always have choice – if not when, then how, you may endure and proceed onward. 7. Constantly seeking fleeting contentment. There are two variations of contentment in life – fleeting and enduring. The fleeting type is derived from instants of material comfort, while the enduring type is attained through the gradual growth of your mind. At a glimpse it might be difficult to decipher one from the other, but as time rolls on it becomes vividly obvious that the latter is far superior. Enduring contentment sustains itself through life’s ups and downs, because through them your mind remains confident and at peace. On the other hand, when life’s fleeting changes have the ability to ruffle your mind into a frenzy, even the most elaborate physical comforts won’t make you any happier for very long. Read Stumbling on Happiness . 8. Trying to make a big difference all at once. If you want to make a difference in the world, start with the world around you. Making a big difference all at once is usually impossible, and the process of trying is extremely stressful. However, instantly making a difference in a few lives is entirely possible and usually fairly easy. You just have to focus on one person at a time and start with the one closest to you. Work to make a bunch of small splashes, and let the ripples spread naturally. If you want to change a person’s mind or mood, sometimes you have to change the minds or moods of the people around them first. For instance, if you make one person smile, their smile just might make others smile too. In this subtle way, you can touch the masses with your thoughtfulness without stressing yourself out. 9. Holding on to someone who hurts you. Sometimes you have to walk away from people, not because you don’t care, but because they don’t. When someone hurts you time and time again, accept the fact that they don’t care about you. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s necessary medicine. Do NOT strive to impress them any further. Waste not another second of your time trying to prove something to them. Nothing needs to be proven. Do not act with any thought of them ever again. Read 1,000 Little Things. 10. Over-amplifying the importance of physical attractiveness. Infatuating yourself with someone simply for what they look like on the outside is like choosing your favorite food based on color instead of taste. It makes no sense. It’s innate, invisible, unquantifiable characteristics that create lasting attraction. Just as some people enjoy the smell of mint, while others prefer the scent of cinnamon, there is an undeniable, magnetic draw that attracts you to the qualities of certain people, places, and things. Sometimes it’s even the scars your soul shares with them that reels you in and creates the very hinges that hold you together in the long run. www.marcandangel.com/2013/03/08/10-little-habits-that-steal-your-happiness/
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Jan 11, 2014 6:06:11 GMT -8
12 Things Happy People Do Differently
“I’d always believed that a life of quality, enjoyment, and wisdom were my human birthright and would be automatically bestowed upon me as time passed. I never suspected that I would have to learn how to live - that there were specific disciplines and ways of seeing the world I had to master before I could awaken to a simple, happy, uncomplicated life.” -Dan Millman Studies conducted by positivity psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky point to 12 things happy people do differently to increase their levels of happiness. These are things that we can start doing today to feel the effects of more happiness in our lives. (Check out her book The How of Happiness .) I want to honor and discuss each of these 12 points, because no matter what part of life’s path we’re currently traveling on, these ‘happiness habits’ will always be applicable. 1. Express gratitude. – When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciates in value. Kinda cool right? So basically, being grateful for the goodness that is already evident in your life will bring you a deeper sense of happiness. And that’s without having to go out and buy anything. It makes sense. We’re gonna have a hard time ever being happy if we aren’t thankful for what we already have. 2. Cultivate optimism. – Winners have the ability to manufacture their own optimism. No matter what the situation, the successful diva is the chick who will always find a way to put an optimistic spin on it. She knows failure only as an opportunity to grow and learn a new lesson from life. People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times. 3. Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. – Comparing yourself to someone else can be poisonous. If we’re somehow ‘better’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, it gives us an unhealthy sense of superiority. Our ego inflates – KABOOM – our inner Kanye West comes out! If we’re ‘worse’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, we usually discredit the hard work that we’ve done and dismiss all the progress that we’ve made. What I’ve found is that the majority of the time this type of social comparison doesn’t stem from a healthy place. If you feel called to compare yourself to something, compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself. 4. Practice acts of kindness. – Performing an act of kindness releases serotonin in your brain. (Serotonin is a substance that has TREMENDOUS health benefits, including making us feel more blissful.) Selflessly helping someone is a super powerful way to feel good inside. What’s even cooler about this kindness kick is that not only will you feel better, but so will people watching the act of kindness. How extraordinary is that? Bystanders will be blessed with a release of serotonin just by watching what’s going on. A side note is that the job of most anti-depressants is to release more serotonin. Move over Pfizer, kindness is kicking ass and taking names. 5. Nurture social relationships. – The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships. Did you know studies show that people’s mortality rates are DOUBLED when they’re lonely? WHOA! There’s a warm fuzzy feeling that comes from having an active circle of good friends who you can share your experiences with. We feel connected and a part of something more meaningful than our lonesome existence. 6. Develop strategies for coping. – How you respond to the ‘stufftastic’ moments is what shapes your character. Sometimes stuff happens – it’s inevitable. Forrest Gump knows the deal. It can be hard to come up with creative solutions in the moment when manure is making its way up toward the fan. It helps to have healthy strategies for coping pre-rehearsed, on-call, and in your arsenal at your disposal. 7. Learn to forgive. – Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well-being. You see, your mind doesn’t know the difference between past and present emotion. When you ‘hate’ someone, and you’re continuously thinking about it, those negative emotions are eating away at your immune system. You put yourself in a state of suckerism (technical term) and it stays with you throughout your day. 8. Increase flow experiences. – Flow is a state in which it feels like time stands still. It’s when you’re so focused on what you’re doing that you become one with the task. Action and awareness are merged. You’re not hungry, sleepy, or emotional. You’re just completely engaged in the activity that you’re doing. Nothing is distracting you or competing for your focus. 9. Savor life’s joys. – Deep happiness cannot exist without slowing down to enjoy the joy. It’s easy in a world of wild stimuli and omnipresent movement to forget to embrace life’s enjoyable experiences. When we neglect to appreciate, we rob the moment of its magic. It’s the simple things in life that can be the most rewarding if we remember to fully experience them. 10. Commit to your goals. – Being wholeheartedly dedicated to doing something comes fully-equipped with an ineffable force. Magical things start happening when we commit ourselves to doing whatever it takes to get somewhere. When you’re fully committed to doing something, you have no choice but to do that thing. Counter-intuitively, having no option – where you can’t change your mind – subconsciously makes humans happier because they know part of their purpose. 11. Practice spirituality. – When we practice spirituality or religion, we recognize that life is bigger than us. We surrender the silly idea that we are the mightiest thing ever. It enables us to connect to the source of all creation and embrace a connectedness with everything that exists. Some of the most accomplished people I know feel that they’re here doing work they’re “called to do.” 12. Take care of your body. – Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be. If you don’t have your physical energy in good shape, then your mental energy (your focus), your emotional energy (your feelings), and your spiritual energy (your purpose) will all be negatively affected. Did you know that studies conducted on people who were clinically depressed showed that consistent exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft? Not only that, but here’s the double whammy… Six months later, the people who participated in exercise were less likely to relapse because they had a higher sense of self-accomplishment and self-worth. www.marcandangel.com/2011/08/30/12-things-happy-people-do-differently/
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Jan 13, 2014 8:06:31 GMT -8
Detach from Unnecessary Distress and DespairWhy do we often embrace, expand and wallow in our emotional pain? Emotional Pain Is A Powerful Distractor That Robs Us of Happiness and Spiritual Success. Engaging In Unnecessary Pain is Masochistic. So why do we do it? Emotional pain is a powerful source of negative energy that seizes and holds our attention. It’s nature’s way of saying we need to stop what we’re doing to take care of things. Thinking About Bad Things, and Reliving Painful Scenarios Gives Us Powerful Jolts of Negative Energy. They Are Our Own Personal Horror Shows. We are both energized and made miserable by this emotional pain. I’s a source of negative energy that brings misery. Sources of energy are attractive to us… laughter, love, great music, exercise, elevating experiences, triumphs and achievement. Emotional pain that gives us jolts of negative energy is also attractive, but in a misery making way. Remembering and Reliving Misery, Reinforces Our Misery. Reliving distressing situations becomes our own personal horror shows. They gives us jolts of energy with a large negative toll. Recognize it for what it is, a jolt of negative energy from a bad source. Ask yourself, “ Is this positive or productive?” “ Is this helping me in some way?” “ Is this the best use of my time and attention?” If not, detach and decisively resolve to NOT to give it a moment more of your time, attention or well-being. Painful thoughts are robbing you of pleasant present opportunities for no reason. Detach and Distract Yourself from Destructive Misery, Distress and Despair. Resolve to Direct Your Attention to Positive, Pleasant Solutions, Opportunities and Activities. happinessblog.com/2007/detach-from-unnecessary-distress-and-despair/
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Jan 28, 2014 8:42:38 GMT -8
Depression & Choosing Happiness How can you CHOOSE happiness if you are depressed?
Choosing happiness is no small feat - for anyone. I consider it one of the greatest human triumphs. Seriously. It doesn't just fall in your lap. It's for someone who wants it with all they've got. So, for someone who has the added struggle of chemical or hormonal imbalances or very unhealthy & destructive mental patterns, etc...it can be extremely difficult to make even the smallest changes. But, there's hope! Read this inspiring post by one of our readers who shares her story about how choosing happiness became an option for her....despite clinical depression. _______________________________________________________________________ by Alison Barnes I'd heard it a billion times: you have to merely decide to be happy and then you will be. I wanted to agree. I wanted to be on that rosy colored boat with those happy people, loving life, feeling good, but it was a concept that I couldn't fully grasp. I knew that there was a deeper reason why true happiness appeared just out of reach for me. So I remained on the shoreline and let that boat go on without me. As I have experienced different depths of clinical depression-- and in turn, tried different ways to pull myself out of that depression-- I realize that I can still choose happiness, in a way. There are just a few more steps involved in that process. Depression comes in many forms, and manifests itself in many different ways depending on the person and the severity of the depression*. For me, depression is a chemical imbalance. Even when things are seemingly going well and all logic says that I should be happy, that dark cloud
is still looming. In 2011, I hit my lowest low. As a result, in January 2012 I moved back to my childhood home. I had no job, and the school I was set to return to in the fall discontinued my admission. For the first time ever, I very literally had no plans. The only thing keeping me going was the anti-depressant I was taking- after a handful of duds, I finally found one that worked. Unfortunately, my insurance did not cover the prescription, so I stopped taking it. I once again
relapsed into my lowest low.
Despite the hopelessness I felt in this situation, and with the ever present cloud of depression overshadowing the whole thing, I now know I needed to hit that low to finally do something about it. It is now August. Since January, I have changed from prescription medication to herbal supplements, found employment, got readmitted to the university, stayed busy with a variety of creative projects, and found a renewed energy in life. But it didn’t happen overnight. Today I want to share with you how I got there, and how I finally learned to choose happiness. When an individual is depressed, it can take every ounce of energy to be proactive about their health care. Confessing the problem to a friend, calling a doctor, having to see multiple doctors and/or specialists, going through different medications and different doses, trying to find the right fit, and occasionally pursuing alternative medicine. It takes its toll, and often times does not get done. It can take years to find the right fit, and even then, our bodies are continually changing. What works now may not work in 10 years. It is exhausting and oftentimes that light at the end of the tunnel seems terribly dim. But I tell you this with all sincerity: the fight is worth it. It will get better, but you must work for it.One of the greatest blessings in this journey is the company of friends-- friends who will not give up on you or abandon you when times get tough. Friends who have enough compassion and love to see you through. I have been blessed with a few choice friends who fall in this category, but I have also been cursed with those who have not seen me through. It is heartbreaking. But those few kindred spirits have been vital in my journey through depression. To those with friends suffering through depression, please do not give up on them. Please educate yourselves, be aware, and never be afraid to reach out. Last month a leader from my church expressed the following sentiment: "If you come upon a person who is drowning, would you ask if they need help—or would it be better to just jump in and save them from the deepening waters? The offer, while well meaning and often given, ‘Let me know if I can help’ is really no help at all." It is so true, especially with depression. Those suffering hide it well (and I should know). A smile may be hiding the deepest of pain, and the friend who notices such a deception is truly a lifesaver. I believe that even with such a metaphysical condition as depression, "choosing happiness" is still an option, but it must be preceded by those terribly draining tasks of getting a hold on one's condition, which may include counseling, medication, greater self-awareness, etc. Every person is different, thus making every person's treatment different. But it is imperative that you keep holding on, keep pressing on. It will get better. As clinical depression becomes manageable, that's where the choice comes in. You can dwell on where you have been, or you can move forward. You can disregard your treatments, or continue on the path to stability and wellness. The past influences the future, most definitely, but it does not define you. I am grateful for where I have been, even the darkest places, because it has made me who I am today. It gets better. I promise. www.ablogaboutlove.com/2012/08/depression-choosing-happiness.html
|
|
|
Post by Loveanimals on Jan 29, 2014 8:38:42 GMT -8
Thank you for sharing these codepnomore! I fall into the trap of comparing myself which is why I limit time on social media. The woman who is showing off her "hot young boyfriend" then I wonder how did she get him, why do mine reject me, etc and try to look like her with a body that would cause me to starve, overexercise, plastic surgery to achieve. That is just a hamster on a wheel - not happiness!
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Feb 1, 2014 5:26:11 GMT -8
Thanks for sharing your experience. Yes, making comparison is not productive nor helpful for us. When we compare ourselves with those who seem more successful than us, it could discouraged us or make us feel less. While when we compare ourselves with those who seem to have less than us, it could lead us to false, harmful pride. Either way is not good for us. Therefore, the only way I can compare myself in a fair and good way is with my former self or another version of me.
In addition, social media is often "half-truth", like the "Red Carpet" moments of Hollywood stars wherein they only post the best-looking photos of themselves and their best-moments. It is more like fantasy than reality. I do not (usually) 'buy' it.
Self-acceptance is one of my keys to my happiness.
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Feb 28, 2014 0:16:10 GMT -8
You are most welcome. I am glad to know that.
"Happiness Comes From Within" (Secrets of Spiritual Happiness)
Men and women are rushing hither and thither in the blind search for happiness, and cannot find it; nor ever will until they recognize that happiness is already within them and round about them, filling the universe, and that they, in their selfish searching, are shutting themselves out from it.
- James Allen
The first step in finding happiness is to understand that happiness always comes from inside yourself. Even if your experience of happiness appears to be coming from an outer source or event, the actual happiness is coming from within you.
Happiness arises from within us, and dances with whatever appears to be bringing those apparently outer enjoyments. This inner-outer happiness dance may create the illusion that your happiness is actually coming from the outer enjoyments, however it is not.
This becomes clear when we discover that certain situations that had once brought great happiness no longer create the same effect. Time and time again, each of us is given opportunities to learn and remember that it is not outer things that bring happiness, but the interactions of our inner thoughts and feelings with those things. Our inner thoughts and feelings are the basis of both our happiness and our unhappiness.
Because happiness comes from within, even when things don't appear to be going perfectly well outwardly, it is still possible to experience sincere happiness. It is our inner feeling that creates happiness, along with how we interpret the events of life. For one person, breaking a leg may be a horrible and unhappy tragedy, while for another it may be a trophy of great honor.
Several years ago, I was shopping at an office supply store, when my car's license plate number was read over the loudspeaker. It turned out that a woman had just dented my fairly new car in the parking lot. The woman either didn't have insurance or didn't want to use it for some reason, so she offered to personally pay for the repair costs, and gave me a phone number for where she worked - at a nearby Denny's restaurant.
As soon as I drove away, I could feel that I didn't really want to take this woman's hard-earned money just to fix a bit of cosmetic damage. I mean, the car still ran fine, and I couldn't even see the dent while driving. Why, the dent would even make my car easier to spot in parking lots, and would probably lower its theft value as well. But mostly, I just didn't want to take money unnecessarily from someone who obviously worked very hard for every dollar. I wanted to forgive my debtor just as I wished God to always forgive me.
When I phoned to tell the woman this decision, she argued at first, but eventually conceded to not paying for the damage. How wonderful it is to create a situation where two people in a car incident can be arguing about wanting the other person to be okay. This is a great example of how one generous spirit can bring that same higher level of response from others, and perhaps eventually uplift the whole world.
The woman and I both walked away from this experience feeling blessed. And now, whenever I see the dent - which is still there after nearly ten years - I feel a sense of happiness rather than upset. I get to remember my own kindness rather than feeling a sense of loss. If the dent had been there because I bumped into someone else's car, or from an accident with a lot of anger and conflict, then I most certainly would have wanted it to be fixed up right away so as not to be reminded of an unhappy memory every time I saw my car.
This story shows how happiness is ultimately all in the interpretation. Any outer situation can be either a source of happiness or unhappiness, because happiness comes from within ourselves.
Therefore, stop seeking it from outside sources. (A POA cannot give it to you. S/he could even be the source of your unhappiness.) And instead start seeking your happiness from within you.
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Nov 18, 2014 9:19:36 GMT -8
"No matter what you’re going through there's no pit so deep that God can’t reach in and get you out." - Joyce Meyer
"THE JOY OF THE LORD"
The joy of the Lord is special
It makes me feel so safe
It lets me knows I am saved
And put a smile on my face
The joy of the lord is a gift
From God almighty above
And it is feel with much hope
And with so much love
The joy of the Lord is in me
And it will never die
The joy of the Lord is faith
And is by my side
The joy of the Lord is awesome
That only God can give
The joy of the Lord is how God
Wants me to live
By Willie Sidney Conrad Joyner
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Mar 20, 2015 4:34:46 GMT -8
I think it is about time to talk about "happiness" here in this board instead of sadness and hopelessness... "10 WAYS TO BE HAPPIER"How happy are you―really? If there’s room for improvement, try one of these suggestions. A few years ago, on a morning like any other, I had a sudden realization: I was in danger of wasting my life. As I stared out the rain-spattered window of a New York City bus, I saw that the years were slipping by. “What do I want from life?” I asked myself. “Well…I want to be happy.” I had many reasons to be happy: My husband was the tall, dark, handsome love of my life; we had two delightful girls; I was a writer, living in my favorite city. I had friends; I had my health; I didn’t have to color my hair. But too often I sniped at my husband or the drugstore clerk. I felt dejected after even a minor professional setback. I lost my temper easily. Is that how a happy person would act? I decided on the spot to begin a systematic study of happiness. (A little intense, I know. But that’s the kind of thing that appeals to me.) In the end, I spent a year test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific studies, and tips from popular culture. If I followed all the advice, I wanted to know, would it work? Well, the year is over, and I can say: It did. I made myself happier. And along the way I learned a lot about how to be happier. Here are those lessons. 1. Don’t start with profundities. When I began my Happiness Project, I realized pretty quickly that, rather than jumping in with lengthy daily meditation or answering deep questions of self-identity, I should start with the basics, like going to sleep at a decent hour and not letting myself get too hungry. Science backs this up; these two factors have a big impact on happiness. 2. Do let the sun go down on anger. I had always scrupulously aired every irritation as soon as possible, to make sure I vented all bad feelings before bedtime. Studies show, however, that the notion of anger catharsis is poppymale organ. Expressing anger related to minor, fleeting annoyances just amplifies bad feelings, while not expressing anger often allows it to dissipate. 3. Fake it till you feel it. Feelings follow actions. If I’m feeling low, I deliberately act cheery, and I find myself actually feeling happier. If I’m feeling angry at someone, I do something thoughtful for her and my feelings toward her soften. This strategy is uncannily effective. 4. Realize that anything worth doing is worth doing badly. Challenge and novelty are key elements of happiness. The brain is stimulated by surprise, and successfully dealing with an unexpected situation gives a powerful sense of satisfaction. People who do new things―learn a game, travel to unfamiliar places―are happier than people who stick to familiar activities that they already do well. I often remind myself to “Enjoy the fun of failure” and tackle some daunting goal. 5. Don’t treat the blues with a “treat.” Often the things I choose as “treats” aren’t good for me. The pleasure lasts a minute, but then feelings of guilt and loss of control and other negative consequences deepen the lousiness of the day. While it’s easy to think, I’ll feel good after I have a few glasses of wine…a pint of ice cream…a cigarette…a new pair of jeans, it’s worth pausing to ask whether this will truly make things better. 6. Buy some happiness. Our basic psychological needs include feeling loved, secure, and good at what we do. You also want to have a sense of control. Money doesn’t automatically fill these requirements, but it sure can help. I’ve learned to look for ways to spend money to stay in closer contact with my family and friends; to promote my health; to work more efficiently; to eliminate sources of irritation and marital conflict; to support important causes; and to have enlarging experiences. For example, when my sister got married, I splurged on a better digital camera. It was expensive, but it gave me a lot of happiness. 7. Don’t insist on the best. There are two types of decision makers. Satisficers (yes, satisficers) make a decision once their criteria are met. When they find the hotel or the pasta sauce that has the qualities they want, they’re satisfied. Maximizers want to make the best possible decision. Even if they see a bicycle or a backpack that meets their requirements, they can’t make a decision until they’ve examined every option. Satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers. Maximizers expend more time and energy reaching decisions, and they’re often anxious about their choices. Sometimes good enough is good enough. 8. Exercise to boost energy. I knew, intellectually, that this worked, but how often have I told myself, “I’m just too tired to go to the gym”? Exercise is one of the most dependable mood-boosters. Even a 10-minute walk can brighten my outlook. 9. Stop nagging. I knew my nagging wasn’t working particularly well, but I figured that if I stopped, my husband would never do a thing around the house. Wrong. If anything, more work got done. Plus, I got a surprisingly big happiness boost from quitting nagging. I hadn’t realized how shrewish and angry I had felt as a result of speaking like that. I replaced nagging with the following persuasive tools: wordless hints (for example, leaving a new lightbulb on the counter); using just one word (saying “Milk!” instead of talking on and on); not insisting that something be done on my schedule; and, most effective of all, doing a task myself. Why did I get to set the assignments? 10. Take action. Some people assume happiness is mostly a matter of inborn temperament: You’re born an Eeyore or a Tigger, and that’s that. Although it’s true that genetics play a big role, about 40 percent of your happiness level is within your control. Taking time to reflect, and making conscious steps to make your life happier, really does work. So use these tips to start your own Happiness Project. I promise it won’t take you a whole year. Source: www.realsimple.com/m/health/mind-mood/emotional-health/10-ways-happier
|
|
|
Post by Susan Peabody on Mar 20, 2015 13:38:55 GMT -8
I think it is about time to talk about "happiness" here in this board instead of sadness and hopelessness...
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Nov 23, 2015 21:31:19 GMT -8
"ARE YOU HAPPIER WITHOUT FACEBOOK?"YOU MAY NOT 'LIKE' THE ANSWER Screenshot of Facebook's Reactions feature After years of Facebook users clamoring for a "dislike" button, the world's largest social network is finally heeding the call —sort of. Facebook As social networks become more and more prominent in our lives, one has to wonder if we are happier being constantly connected. The Happiness Research Institute, an “independent think tank focusing on well-being, happiness and quality of life” in Copenhagen, quite literally put this question to the test. "Facebook users are 39 percent more likely to be unhappier than their friends who stopped using the site."1,095 people in Denmark participated in the study, aptly named “The Facebook Experiment”. In their normal lives, 9 percent of the participants visited Facebook daily, 86 percent browsed their news feeds “often or very often,” and over three quarters used Facebook for 30 minutes or longer each day. Participants were asked to evaluate their lives before and after the study “on different dimensions,” including the question “In general, how satisfied are you with your life today?" Then half of the participants (“the treatment group”) were challenged to not use Facebook for a week, while the control group continued to use Facebook as normal. Before the study, the control group averaged a happiness of 7.67 out of ten; the treatment group had an average happiness of 7.56 out of ten. After the treatment group hadn’t used Facebook for a week, their average happiness was 8.12 out of ten, significantly higher than the control group’s post-experiment average of 7.75 out of ten. Happiness of control & treatment groups Happiness Research Institute The treatment group was also less sad and lonely both than their past selves and their control group counterparts after a week off of Facebook, and were able to concentrate more easily. Interestingly, members of the treatment group also saw an increase in their social activity, found more satisfaction with their social lives and were 18 percent more likely to feel present in the moment. Ultimately, the Happiness Research Institute found Facebook users are 39 percent more likely to be unhappier than their friends who stopped using the site. “Instead of focusing on what we actually need,” the study says, “we have an unfortunate tendency to focus on what other people have.” www.popsci.com/are-you-happier-without-social-media
|
|
|
Post by ~w~ on Nov 18, 2016 14:59:03 GMT -8
I am excited. I got invitation to concert ( my country singer) and I dear to go on my own . I was looking for company but the only one who replied said he is looking for date. I am done with intrigues from last Saturday, were the guy was interested in me... but my sponsor told me to stop it . As it's not good . I did that.
I am happy again, bit tired as been educating myself more . Maybe more optimistic and don't even want relationships . I admit I still have feelings for ex.
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Nov 24, 2016 8:21:05 GMT -8
I realized that happiness comes and goes. So the "pursuit of happiness" should not be the end goal. But to live a life purposely according to one's calling. Happiness is fleeting and is just a by-product of other things. But joy is everlasting and only comes from being in right relationships with God and people.
Happiness is an attitude but it's not always all good. Sometimes when I got so much happiness in my life that I made the worst judgments and choices. I've witnessed many times how those who pursued happiness, pleasure as their main goals, were destroyed in the long run and became miserable in the end.
I think many of us got into fantasy relationships because we are/were pursuing "happiness" from outside of us in the first place. But it never stays for long; it always craves for more and more. It doesn't get enough. Therefore, I'm choosing purpose over happiness if "happiness" would mean getting into destructive "fantasy" in the end.
|
|
|
Post by ~w~ on Nov 25, 2016 1:49:16 GMT -8
Thank you codepnomore . It makes sense what you shared about happiness and purpose . I want to be more healthy individual that's my purpose.
|
|