lostgirl73
New Member
Get up and try try try was my motto but now my motto is STOP TRYING, JUST STOP, and heal
Posts: 44 
|
Post by lostgirl73 on Jan 25, 2014 23:27:56 GMT -8
I have never been worth my father's time. My mother loved me and wanted me with her all the time, until I wanted some life for myself and now she rarely sees me. She abandoned me. She feels I abandoned her when I didn't want to play the role she had for me anymore but I am trying to be my own person and have been for many years. Moving away for 13yrs allowed this to happen but I moved back as a single mom to get my parents help and here I am right back there. Feeling like I don't matter and that I am worth nothing. I look for men to create a family with in hopes I will belong somewhere but it doesn't work out and I feel even more of a failure then before. I have such low self esteem wanting time and attention and trying to prove my worth. How do I start to feel worth something and stop trying to prove my worth?
|
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Jan 26, 2014 1:01:20 GMT -8
I have such low self esteem wanting time and attention and trying to prove my worth. How do I start to feel worth something and stop trying to prove my worth? Start by looking inwardly and stop depending on outside source or other people. As an adult, it is your responsibility now to attend to your needs such as your inner child and abandonment issues. Now raise up your value by doing things that matter to you and your life. Remember, God created you for a purpose and you are precious in His sight. Therefore, your true identity is in God's perfect image and not anyone else. Treat yourself right and others will follow. |
|
lostgirl73
New Member
Get up and try try try was my motto but now my motto is STOP TRYING, JUST STOP, and heal
Posts: 44
|
Post by lostgirl73 on Jan 26, 2014 16:05:53 GMT -8
codepnomore, thank you for your words. I felt like I was 5 hearing your words to meet my own needs, part of me wanted to throw a tantrum, you hit something there, something i need to pay attention too. I just feel like i don't know how but i can guess it is a moment to moment paying attention to what i need, start with hungry, tired, the little, easier ones to pay attention too i guess.
As far as God goes, this is a great, huge painful struggle for me. one of my parents who hurt me deeply is a minister. to others i come from the perfect family. Image was everything. God and I aren't on the best terms, i thought there was something out there, a reason for everything but the signs i thought i saw just led me to more pain and to truly realize i cannot trust myself, signs or anything. all i know right now is that I am incapable of a healthy relationship and i am currently just trying to avoid more pain. There is a delusional part of me that wants to skip the pain and just try again, just try one more time, but i know logically she is truly ridiculous as i am a crazy person in love, just trying to play any role to be what someone else wants.
|
|
|
|
Post by Loving My Life on Jan 26, 2014 17:19:32 GMT -8
It is not a requirement to believe in God in order to recover..just believe you can.
No one wants to feel pain, but in order to heal our pain, we must identify our pain and learn healthy ways to move through the pain.
I was like this also but once you get past the fear of the pain it loses its power over us and you dont have to keep dealing with this. It is very freeing.
|
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Jan 27, 2014 3:30:47 GMT -8
As far as God goes, this is a great, huge painful struggle for me. one of my parents who hurt me deeply is a minister. to others i come from the perfect family. Image was everything. God and I aren't on the best terms, i thought there was something out there, a reason for everything but the signs i thought i saw just led me to more pain and to truly realize i cannot trust myself, signs or anything. Dear Lostgirl73, I understand what you are saying here. You are right to feel that way. Sometimes the most religious people commit the most serious offenses. They would use religion to cover-up their wrong deeds by projecting a perfect image. I am sorry that your parent has hurt you. However, God is not like our imperfect parents and those conflicting, unreliable signs. He is the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles. He never lies, never fails, never leaves nor forsakes us. He loves you unconditionally just as you are and he understands your pain more than anyone else could. He longs to take care of you. He gives us freewill though and would not force us to do anything we do not want. So this matter is between you and God. It is a personal relationship and decision that only you can choose for you. Nevertheless, I am wishing you well. I hope things get better with you. You are not alone. We are here for you. |
|
lostgirl73
New Member
Get up and try try try was my motto but now my motto is STOP TRYING, JUST STOP, and heal
Posts: 44
|
Post by lostgirl73 on Jan 27, 2014 14:12:19 GMT -8
Thanks codepnomore. I have quite the process ahead of me and no idea how I will find my way but I guess that is where faith in something comes in. Not sure what I want to call that something, the universe or the great unknown but I do need to believe there is something besides randomness. And of course my patterns which are indeed not random but not working for me either. I pray to whatever is happening that I can get smart, take my time with people, earn trust, check myself to not fall into people pleasing or playing some role for them and let the chips fall where they may!
|
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Jan 28, 2014 6:31:28 GMT -8
You are smart and your words make sense. Yes it is by faith and praying helps.
It is not easy and takes time but you will get there too.
I still slip and make mistakes every now and then but I take its lesson and move on. I hate getting stuck and I am tired of thinking about what other people has to say. So I just mind my own business and do my best and that's it.
|
|
