Post by Susan Peabody on Feb 6, 2014 13:53:58 GMT -8
While I appreciate the CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) approch to building self-esteem, my story is a little different. I call it the spiritual approach to building self esteem.
In a nutshell . . . I found a spiritual person as a sponsor in AA. She was my teacher. I was an agnostic. She ended each conversation with "God loves you." I ignored her. One day I asked her what she meant. She said she just wanted me to know. One day in the book of AA I read, "Ignorance is content prior to investigation." I really thought about this. It described me.
Later I got curious and allowed my sponsor to talk about God. I agreed to open my mind. I agreed to pray and meditate. A few months later I had a spiritual experience. I crossed over some invisible threshold of resistance and came to believe that God did exist and loved me. I cried.
A few months later my sponsor asked me how I thought God felt about my self-hatred. I agreed that he would not like it so I began to forgive myself just to please God. After this I did other things to help love myself, but I needed this shift of consciousness to get started. I had to start over again and get from God what I did not get from my mother. So I was born again in the light of God's love. This is my story . . .
Hi Susan , I really liked your post but I still struggle on this issue , my parents were religious in appearance but in fact they never actualized the religious teaching and I grew up in a very disfunctional family thats why I developed love addiction and I always hated god, then when I started to trust him , he did things in my life which I felt him ,but even now I cant figure out how to pray , from which discipline. and How to fill the feeling of chronic emptiness inside when I dont fill it by chasing unavailable guys.
From Susan . . . I started in AA as an agnostic. One day I read "ignorance is contempt prior to investigation." Then I looked around to find a spiritual role model. I copied what she did. She talked to God and listened. She read spiritual material. I copied her and opened my mind. I went to the library. I went to AA spiritual meetings. Eventually, through osmosis, I became more optimistic that someday I would "feel" God in my life. Then I had a spiritual experience. I was in a altered state for about three minutes. Afterwards I was a believer. I was sure God existed and I felt he had saved me by sending me to AA. Then I felt love from God and began to love myself. As I said in my earlier post, open-mindedness, emulation, acting "as if" and patience will lead you to faith. Be still and know that I am the Lord.
I have been grown up in a Muslim family but due to lack of security I felt at home, my relationship to God and myself has been disrupted. so after coming to the west I found God and I considered him to be my father and I had an spiritual experience and I found that god was talking to me and he said I am the Father you were always looking for. NOW I am a kinda ambivalent through these two different approach to God , some days wanting wearing islamic hijab but in hearth God is my father, how can I choose spirituality and what should be my daily spiritual practice to feel connection to my God, so I can get rid of this obsession and ambivalence in relationship to my God? Susan, I am doing my PhD in chemical Eng. in Canada coming from an eastern country, found here that I am a codependence and thats why at 29 I am living on my own and when it comes to love I am not on anymore!! and whenever there is love for me I cant function well regardless of the fact I am very good at taking care of myself when I am alone!!! at first I thought maybe I lack the capacity fro love or any intimacy disorder and the more I studied about it I felt worse! now I found I am a codep, my mom also was a codep, and thats all I have learned how to be in a close relationship with a man!!! Now I really need to find a connection to God , Which I truly found that he is my Father ! As I am from a muslim background I sometime find the need to wear Hijab!! Just need to clarify my relationship to God!! Is there any way to connect to my God in a spiritual manner and not religious one!!??