SeeMe
New Member
Posts: 17 
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Post by SeeMe on Mar 6, 2014 16:30:35 GMT -8
Today I had a moment of weakness where on impulse is emailed my POA. Now I am just waiting for a replay that may never come and I keep checking and refreshing my inbox. As nighttime draws near I begin to feel very anxious and scared. I feel so alone and I literally have no one to talk to. I'm an extremely shy person and really have no friends. My POA was my only friend and now I'm lost. Nighttime makes me so anxious because I can't sleep and spend all night thinking about that person. I had gone one week with NC and now I feel bad because I have to start over.  ?. I'm new here and I don't know where to begin my recovery. Please help. |
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Anna
Junior Member
Posts: 74
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Post by Anna on Mar 7, 2014 10:27:40 GMT -8
I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm shy too. I don't have a PoA right now, but I just got out of an abusive marriage where it seemed like my abusive husband was my only friend sometime. If you need to talk, I'm here.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2014 6:15:40 GMT -8
Nightime is my most triggery time of the day. I relate. Especially to checking and checking. I also do not have friends. My roommate/best friend is asleep and I am on my own. thank goodness for this site! Reading posts here helps.
I hope you can find someone to talk to. I sometimes am here. You can pm me if you want.
Jeanne Carol
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Post by leahb on Nov 16, 2015 19:18:32 GMT -8
I am finding this as well. I'm not sure why-but the anxiety is a bit crippling. I feel a fluttery feeling in my chest at times. I'm going to try meditation to see if it helps.
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Post by newpath on Jan 18, 2016 11:32:38 GMT -8
Aren't night times the worst? I am just in the 10th break up in two years with a narcissistic abuser whom I am having a hard time stopping contact with. The relationship was terrible - he was abusive in every possible way - yet I am still drawn to his charm, good looks, and standing in the community. He told me for so long how terrible I was that a part of me came to believe him. I find that I wake up at night in a panic as he isn't here, which is odd, because we spent many nights apart where I slept just fine, not knowing that he was "shacking up" with someone else, even through the Christmas holidays.
Today I broke my no contact rule and responded to his friendly email with a telephone call. He yelled at me and told me how naive I was to have woken him up - at noon. Then he said he would call me back this afternoon, and I will try my best not to answer the call!
It's hard to hold everything together - work, no contact, dodging the abuse, when you've had 20 hours of sleep in a week.
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Post by Havefaith on Jan 18, 2016 12:12:59 GMT -8
I am sure you know how toxic this 'relationship' is -- please, please consider therapy and get out of this nightmare. I KNOW this is not easy, believe me. But really, there is no other way. Narcissists are wretched enough to deal with, but abuse added into the mix?
Continue posting, absolutely -- some of us have gone through similar horrific experiences -- but also consider getting immediate professional help -- this is no way to live, as you well know. Prayers coming your way,
HaveFaith
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Post by ~w~ on Jan 18, 2016 14:21:16 GMT -8
Aren't night times the worst? I am just in the 10th break up in two years with a narcissistic abuser whom I am having a hard time stopping contact with. The relationship was terrible - he was abusive in every possible way - yet I am still drawn to his charm, good looks, and standing in the community. He told me for so long how terrible I was that a part of me came to believe him. I find that I wake up at night in a panic as he isn't here, which is odd, because we spent many nights apart where I slept just fine, not knowing that he was "shacking up" with someone else, even through the Christmas holidays. Today I broke my no contact rule and responded to his friendly email with a telephone call. He yelled at me and told me how naive I was to have woken him up - at noon. Then he said he would call me back this afternoon, and I will try my best not to answer the call! It's hard to hold everything together - work, no contact, dodging the abuse, when you've had 20 hours of sleep in a week. |
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Post by ~w~ on Jan 18, 2016 14:23:48 GMT -8
Hi , I wached Lisa a Romano videos on YouTube describing codependant and narcisist , why how and what to do. Maybe it would be helpful  your are not alone, I am struggling with narcissistic ex for 5 years . I only find out why he has so much power over me. Glad you doing NC. X |
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Post by leahb on Jan 18, 2016 18:08:42 GMT -8
I love Lisa A Romano. She's brilliant.  |
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Post by newpath on Jan 19, 2016 6:13:43 GMT -8
Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words. Getting addicted to a narcissist (which of course is exactly their intention) is devastating - they isolate you, destroy your spirit and your self-esteem, and leave you grasping at every crumb they choose to offer.
I understand completely why I do this - I was seriously neglected as a child, and was often abandoned. I lived for the next crumb of attention and affection that might be available. I had never even had a hug until I was in my teens, and then not from my family. When someone told me that they loved me at age 18 I married them quickly and then started a family right away to create my own love.
I am very familiar with "love" being inconsistent and something we need to fight for. I totally get that this isn't love at all, but it's the version I was taught.
I get why I do this - but the awareness doesn't end the struggle. I need advice on how to get out of this current mess and never re-engage.
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Post by terryt on Jan 19, 2016 8:04:01 GMT -8
I can totally relate to your story of your childhood. Mine is almost identical. As I said in one of my recent posts, the lure for me of these kinds people will forever be a mystery to me. I guess it must come from a part of the brain that is so deep and complex. The part that is hungry when a child is developing. A part that nature has designed it to hold on tight to what it learns, wrap it tight and never let go. I guess. Because nature made us to be nurtured as young ones. Nature made us like the lions and tigers and bears who protect their young fiercely. While a mother lion will leave her young, its only to get food for more nurturing, and she will soon return. That's how a parent is supposed to be. Loving, gentle and kind with her young. Not neglectful and angry. I understand your struggle. I have it too. The best way you can deal with it is to take care of you. Health, mind, body, spirit. And if relationships are just way too difficult, then don't have one for now. Maybe Thats all Have a good day |
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Post by terryt on Jan 19, 2016 8:12:37 GMT -8
and btw....the fact that you slept well while you were sleeping with him. Knowing that he was with you and not shacking up with someone else. This speaks totally to your co dependent issues. To start getting yourself out of this mess, I would start having a look at your own insecurities surrounding that. While uncovering those issues I'm sure you will discover many other aspects of the unhealthy attraction, and why you let yourself be in that place. And before you know it....much time will have passed and you will be in full no contact mode. And while you will still be feeling the pain...it will lessen...and your life will return...and it will get a little brighter every day. Focus on YOU ..... not on HIM |
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Post by terryt on Jan 19, 2016 8:33:39 GMT -8
oh ya...and the whole night time thing? Totally not a good time for me either.
I would try making it a habit to go to the gym or yoga or something in the evenings. Have a bigger lunch maybe and lighter night time meal after your workout. Unless of course this is something you did with your POA. Then I would probably still do some sort of exercise, just not the same as I did then
I asked my therapist once....what the heck is up with that? Why, when I wake up in the middle of the night, is everything so bloody urgent? Why is it so desperate at night? And I can't get back to sleep.
I will try my best to explain...my apologies for any errors...I'm not a professional at this
She explained that when we sleep, our conscious mind rests, and our subconscious is more awake, hence weird dreams. If we wake up when our mind is not ready to wake, and our subconscious is still doing the thinking...thats what we are dealing with.
Those panicky and desperate feelings are inside of us. Its not just some weird thing that happens in the middle of the night. Those emotions are there and wreaking havoc in our everyday waking lives. So its best to have a look at what is going inside of us...deal with acknowledge and feel those feelings as best as we can.
I have an acquaintance that has recently endured a terrible loss in her life. She is young and she will recover in time, but such a terrible shocking loss for her.
She went away for Christmas this past holiday season. I'm sure she couldn't even begin to handle the crushing despair she would feel if she had to stay and put on a happy face for friends and family.
She went to a yoga retreat, (shes a yoga instructor) and she wrote in a blog everyday while she was gone.
While at the retreat, it was a safe place to let herself feel what she needed to feel.
I was so impressed at her strength and her willingness to feel what she needs to feel. Being an instructor she has good insight as to what is happening in the body during times of stress. But she is also a young woman and in a grieving place in her mind.
If we could all take a lesson from what she did that would be so wonderful. Feel what we need to feel and move through it. Use your grief and what you have dealt with as a gift to others. Heal yourself and you heal others too.
Gotta go to work now
Ciao
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Post by newpath on Jan 20, 2016 6:24:11 GMT -8
Thank you so much for your kind response. This situation is the craziest thing! About 4 months in I started praying that I would find a way to get out of the "relationship" and I have just never been able to totally make it happen. Here I am. going on two years, and nothing has improved for sure. In fact, everything is worse.
I do feel that I am getting stronger though, and I can go longer periods without him. His work takes him to different countries for days at a time so we can't communicate anyway,and that is a blessing.
It is truly the oddest thing - I definitely don't feel love for him, just this feeling of panic when I haven't had contact with him. When I am in touch with him, I am miserable - we never do anything that brings me the slightest joy. And, while I am spending time with him I am missing wonderful opportunities with decent men.
I've never experienced addiction before. but I am confident that is what this is. So, I am learning to overcome the dependency. Which for me, I know, means no contact.
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?. I'm new here and I don't know where to begin my recovery. Please help.
your are not alone, I am struggling with narcissistic ex for 5 years . I only find out why he has so much power over me. 
