|
Post by Looking4peace on Mar 15, 2014 3:00:11 GMT -8
I have been reading back the journal I have been keeping since early December. One day I was struggling, and Lovely June suggested I write down my values. I did that, and went back to them this morning. I am going to print them out and post as a continued reminder of the "me" I want to be...
Values - my values and What they mean to me Kindness -- Treating others and myself tenderly and with positive regard by ALL my words and deeds Compassion -- Treating myself and others with understanding and empathy and demonstrating a genuine desire to help. Fidelity/Monogamy --Being faithful and true to my husband in thoughts and actions. Not seeking attention or validation outside my marriage. Not engaging in any type of action of activity that would erode my marital bonds. Relying on my husband (and only my husband) for comfort, romance, attention, validation, companionship, intimacy, and understanding….and being able to reciprocate that for him. Learning-- Always seeking to grow and develop and gain understanding in life. Being able to apply this to better myself as a person. Understanding --Having a reality-based perspective and belief not clouded by dysfunctional thinking Trustworthiness-- Demonstrating by word and deed that I can be counted on to speak the truth and not be deceitful.
From Susan . . . we would love to read your journal. I published mine as has Lovely June. There is a forum on this site to internet journals. You can help others this way.
|
|
|
Values
Mar 15, 2014 4:51:04 GMT -8
Post by LovelyJune on Mar 15, 2014 4:51:04 GMT -8
|
|
|
Post by Havefaith on Mar 15, 2014 14:01:57 GMT -8
looking4peace, this is a meaningful set of values. Well done! There is one thing I'd like to share in regards to the values you list in Fidelity/Monogamy. Speaking for myself, it is too much for me to rely on/ask my spouse to be the only one to 'provide' me with comfort, attention, validation, companionship, intimacy, and understanding. And it is too much for him to be put under such pressure. One person simply can't be expected to supply all my emotional needs, but also acknowledging that my emotional wellness has to begin within my own self.
For me, I have a wonderful support group of friends and family with whom I can share comfort/attention/validation/companionship/intimacy/understanding. I believe in agape, storge and philia love, and I want to share my love and values with the trusted people in my life. But yes, I agree, eros love is best practiced in a monogamous relationship.
HaveFaith
|
|
|
Post by LovelyJune on Mar 16, 2014 3:52:45 GMT -8
Very good point HaveFaith! When we rely 100% on others to fulfill all our "comfort" needs that places way too much pressure on one person. When I first read your post I thought you were implying going outside the marriage to gain these things (as in an affair), but that's not what you mean at all. You mean that you should rely on yourself for many of these things, as well as friends and family.
|
|
|
Values
Mar 16, 2014 4:00:08 GMT -8
Post by Looking4peace on Mar 16, 2014 4:00:08 GMT -8
Yes, what I meant was that in the past I would look for these things outside my marriage in a very unhealthy way. I will rely on myself and my family for this comfort - in a healthy way.
To be honest, I don't really have any friends. This is probably not a surprise, because I do not let people in beyond the superficial. I think people (who are healthy and "normal") would say that I am nice and friendly, but I don't seek our strong friendships or relationships. I never have. You know the one / two friends you could call at any time or would be there no matter what happens? I have none of those. I sometimes (particularly lately) believe I need that in my life. I don't know how to get started.
I am not really involved in activities outside of work and home. I don't go to church or to any support groups. I don't know how to find a friend. Sad, no ?
|
|
|
Post by Loveanimals on Mar 16, 2014 9:42:05 GMT -8
Agreed have faith, and one person cannot meet all of our needs. Thus many women I know are dissatisfied with marriage because their husband doesn't supply them with emotional comfort, validation and attention.
I know my therapist has pushed me to get more female friends so I have a network to talk to, vs. relying on men.
A new POA will always supply these things I have learned the hard way. But it's all false and just so they can "get you". Then you find out it's all an act and it turns you off. They aren't truly there to be your emotional support, it's just a POA who is a predator type will put more effort and energy into you in the early phases of a relationship than girlfriends of 20 years will, with the constant texts and the "hits".
It gives you a high but its just a false high like a drug.
Yet I'm shy, but have been reaching out to other women and initiating lunches and dinners. It's tougher because men are much more aggressive in this area, but it's much healthier. It just requires more proactive work to reach out to healthy people vs. unhealthy people.
|
|
|
Values
Mar 16, 2014 17:15:46 GMT -8
Post by Carito1988 on Mar 16, 2014 17:15:46 GMT -8
I try to answer this question just to let me know that I have good things inside of me, and that I am very worthy woman. I usually see the bad things I have and I do not recognize the good ones. Actually it is kind of difficult to answer this question but i will try. I think that one of my principal values I have is the commitment I have with the things I want to achieve. If I start to think in all the good things I have lived in my life, I can notice that one of the things that make these all good things happen was because of me. In the university, in my job, in my family, there are and there were really good things that I have lived and I want to give myself an applause for this. Thank you for posting this question, sometimes it is nice to give me a hug. Caro
|
|