Anna
Junior Member
Posts: 74 
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Post by Anna on Mar 19, 2014 8:06:41 GMT -8
Deep down, I know it's silly to feel this way, but today I feel so ugly. I take care of myself and stay healthy and I like to dress stylishly. I've even been told I'm pretty by lots of people (mostly other women). I don't feel it, though.
I never get asked out on dates and no one even pays me any attention. I feel like I'm getting a little bit better in my recovery and it might be fun to date someone but no one will ask me. It probably doesn't help that I live in a small town and there aren't a lot of potential partners. I refuse to ask anyone - sorry, I'm old fashioned. Plus, I tried telling a friend I liked him and he rejected me - it made me feel awful. All the people I work with have someone; I'm the only single person in the office! I feel like such a big loser.
My family always focused so much on outward appearances and how I look....no wonder I worry about it so much, I guess. |
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Post by CodepNomore on Mar 19, 2014 8:20:56 GMT -8
I can relate Anna. I used to be the least good-looking in the family. And I am the only single at my workplace and during family reunion, I am the only one without a partner. My family also focuses on outward appearance. But you know what? You can train yourself to feel beautiful and in turn your confidence will make you more beautiful.
Focus on what you have. Rejection is subjective and very common. Let it go. Build yourself up. Focus on your strengths. Be the better version of you for you.
Hugs to you Beautiful Anna
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Anna
Junior Member
Posts: 74
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Post by Anna on Mar 19, 2014 8:29:28 GMT -8
Thank you, codepnomore! I'll try to focus on myself. I want to do some things to improve my appearance (like an exercise program) - maybe I can do that for me and see what happens. I am also considering moving to a larger town eventually, where I may be able to make more friends. I still feel really sad today. thanks for your encouragement.
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Post by CodepNomore on Mar 19, 2014 8:45:41 GMT -8
That is great. Exercise helps and so is meeting new people.
However, I would like to point out that it is more important to build confidence from within. Because no matter how beautiful a person may be, there will always be someone who would not like her and reject her. And there will always be someone prettier, sexier, and younger than her. Moreover, beauty fades. So please make your motivation more directed to yourself and inwardly to make it long-lasting. Believe that you are all worth it. You deserve to be the best you.
In addition, our feelings should not dictate how our day should go. You can decide to be happy too. It takes time and practice. But I am positive you will get there too. Because you have lots of potentials and you are a beautiful person from inside-out.
Today is your happy day. I am claiming it for you.
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Post by requin on Mar 19, 2014 9:06:59 GMT -8
Hi Anna
Exercise is a great way to feel good about yourself but remember..it's not so much about the results (which are not immediate of course) but the fact that you DID IT. That will help you immensely. It's also a great stress reliever.
I have terrible terrible self esteem and I feel ugly most of the time. So I can relate. And I know that when I get off my pity pot and work out (if I'm not sick or something) I feel so much better during and after..even though the scale and the mirror of course show no change after 1 workout. It's a mindset, that you did a good thing for yourself, and a stress reliever, and you can be so proud. It's also a way to be healthy (again, even if the scale doesn't change) and healthy is always beautiful.
Good for you.
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Anna
Junior Member
Posts: 74
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Post by Anna on Mar 19, 2014 9:38:23 GMT -8
I guess I do need to bear in mind that looks aren't everything. Losing 10 pounds and getting into excellent shape won't make someone love me. I know that I'm just going to have to wait for that person who will really love me and it may take a long time. I feel really lonely, that's all. I also need to be able to just rely on the satisfaction of my own company and not always have to have someone around me or be in a relationship with someone in order to feel whole.
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Post by CodepNomore on Mar 19, 2014 20:18:12 GMT -8
What I have learned from those who are experts in this subject of exercise and its result is the following:
It is not about weight-loss as much as the percentage of fats that we are losing. Since the weight of body fat is much lighter than the lean body mass we could be gaining while exercising. So sometimes we are losing fats already and yet the scale shows otherwise. And there are many other benefits that could not be measured by a weighing scale.
You could be improving your overall health, strength, flexibility, endurance, posture, among other things.
As usual, everything takes time and practice. So try to pick the ones you like and enjoy the process.
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Post by LovelyJune on Mar 20, 2014 8:56:23 GMT -8
Losing 10 pounds and getting into excellent shape won't make someone love me. But it will make YOU feel so much better about yourself. Not only that, but if you are struggling with issues of weight and not staying within a healthy range, remember that taking care of your body is all about SELF love. This is not about trying to attract a mate or looking good for others. It's about taking care of yourself because YOU believe you are worth the struggle, you are worth the effort. Being pretty and and "feeling" pretty are two sides of the same coin. I have girlfriends who are models and they hate themselves and no one wants to date them. The reason is because when you BELIEVE you are ugly, you become that. Bottom line: work on your self-esteem. Focus on building yourself up, not for anyone else but you. |
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Anna
Junior Member
Posts: 74
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Post by Anna on Mar 21, 2014 7:47:32 GMT -8
Thanks, June!
You're right...why shouldn't I look my best for ME? I am worth it, after all. I was told by a male friend that I'm "beautiful inside and out" but I have no confidence and that's why I don't attract anyone. I think people can see the low self-worth in me. I do need to work on my self-esteem, for sure. I'm in therapy and it helps a little, but I need to work on it more. Any tips for working on self-esteem?
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Post by Carito1988 on Mar 24, 2014 17:07:18 GMT -8
Well, I think that one of the things that I need to work everyday is on my self-stem. So here are some tips I try to use that I have posted here, hope this can help you  1. Make some exercise: The act of exercising can be a microcosm for everything you tackle in life. Participating in exercise, whether it is a formal class in a gym, using fitness equipment, participating in a sport or active hobby, walking, taking on nature, running steps, or any physical effort, involves, commitment, effort, perseverance, and follow-through. (important parts to boost my self-esteem) Committing to your goal means you have made it a priority, scheduled time to make your goal happen, and actually participated in the doing. ( I have noticed that when I have small goals in my head, all this problem of addiction to a men begins to be smaller, and I think that this happens because when I focus in good things I let God to care of my addiction - 1st, 2nd and 3th steps of the 12 steps) The sense of accomplishment one feels when completing a challenging task is confidence boosting and better prepares you to face future challenges. (This is so right, I can tell you just for today, that even I know I have a big problem with this, I know I can make some actions to change my life) 2. Go for your goals and gain confidence: Reaching for goals is an important part of strengthening self-confidence. It helps shape and update how you define yourself while at the same time helping you add to your sense of accomplishment. I think there are a lot of things I can do to boost my self-esteem, like doing an inventory every night, or just make some meditation. But these two activities are very interesting.  |
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Post by LovelyJune on Mar 25, 2014 16:12:01 GMT -8
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Post by TheVeryQuietCricket on Mar 26, 2014 15:57:06 GMT -8
Hi Anna,
I don't know the circumstances of your membership here but don't focus on finding love! Let love find you - when you're ready. As far as feeling pretty or getting flirted with, there is always someone in the world who thinks you're cute. Ask yourself how many times you've noticed a cute guy and continued on your way. Just as many nice guys have noticed you. Just take comfort in knowing that plenty of people have crossed your path and thought to themselves that you were so pretty or seemed like a total babe. You don't need the validation! Know you're pretty on your own! Good luck.
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