Post by CodepNomore on Sept 21, 2014 6:31:22 GMT -8
WTH. I almost slipped to an instant gratification. Since I was very busy corresponding with some businessmen and felt mentally tired (one of the deadly triggers of so-called "H.A.L.T"). Because one of them seemed to be not professional nor smart enough and so I have to keep repeating myself.
I just started taking a little break when I heard about a "controversial photo". I became curious to check it out and that triggered something in me. It led to more photos but by then I applied "self-control". I said to myself, "I can't do this anymore. I already have come a long way and these toxic images can hurt me and my newly blessed career." Thanks to God it works! Thinking about the consequences it brings and the blessings I'm enjoying make those triggers powerless and unappealing.
Lesson learned: When experiencing H.A.L.T, take care of my needs but at the same time be careful how and where to spend my time while taking a break.
From Susan . . .Expression used in 12-step programs. During withdrawal and early recovery you should take good care of yourself and to avoid relapse not get too hungry, angry, lonely and tired. Studies also say to avoid sugar and eat protein. This goes against what AA used to tell alcoholics but it is true. You can goodle diets for addiction.
Post by CodepNomore on Sept 23, 2014 8:09:17 GMT -8
donc, can you share any experience that relates to HALT too? It helps to share it, express how you feel, and to write them down. Especially, if I got you right, you were not able to join any community yet other than this one.
Post by CodepNomore on Oct 5, 2014 19:35:06 GMT -8
I have to admit that though I have recovered and been managing my life better and not been acting out; I still can "feel it" and it sucks.
Imagine I used to be a straight and innocent person with no sexual battle at all, but after many things that have happened to me, I became this way. Ugh!
There is no question that I have to accept the reality that any "hot" stuff or person, be it in text form, visual, sound, smell, man or woman, can have an effect on me if I am not careful. That this vulnerable spot of mine may continue to linger and be felt in spite of recovery, self-control, chronological age and hormonal changes. What matters is I am able to press on forward and hold things up.
So anyone reading this please know that it is a hard situation to be in. Don't take any abuse or experience for granted. Things happen because you need to learn something, be stronger, and to take appropriate action.
Since last night that I surrendered to my HP, I felt so enlightened and lighter. I no longer have the burden of my past sexual escapades and I no longer want to fall prey to fantasy. I have been forgiven and washed clean and living in the Truth. My past has been forgotten by my Redeemer. He has great plans for me. So I no longer want to waste time on worthless things such as sexual fantasy and the activity that follows. My weapon against its dark forces is the word of my HP. So I will meditate on it instead of letting my mind wander aimlessly on what is a lie!
I can do all things through him who strengthens me!
Post by CodepNomore on Nov 27, 2014 11:39:59 GMT -8
Just want to share here that I used to date a lot and have had casual sex whenever I wanted it. The pleasure was anything but real. It's all in the mind created by fantasy. Even Porn stars who have found the Light have testified that they were all faking it and were actually in distress, misery, deep pain, and getting STDs. It is anything but glamorous or fun.
So don't believe "the lie" but instead embrace "the Light"!
Post by CodepNomore on Jan 11, 2015 17:28:56 GMT -8
Warning : This post could be triggering so read at your own risk!
I was burning deep inside of me yesterday. So I excused my toxic desire, thinking "anyway, it is a weekend" and the classic excuse, "just this one time". I have been working hard the whole week so doing something for fleshly pleasure would not hurt. So I thought.
I googled nude models and I was surprised to see them not only nude but...in a very "provocative position". And the models now look so attractive and "perfect". I even saved some photos of both men and women.
So I did what I desired...multiple times successfully. Asking my higher power to "excuse" me for a while. My first one gave me a bit of headache afterwards. My second one, my brother's face kept appearing so I felt distracted. Then the third one, the unthinkable happened...
While I was at it, there was a strong earthquake and I thought I was going to die. It shook the whole place. So I prayed to my HP God and asked him to rescue me (I don't want any physical defect, please) and I would do my best not to do it anymore. I have deleted the nude photos and repented. I did not want to die committing sin or in darkness to say the least.
Now, as temptations persist, I resist the dtoxic, take captive of my toxic thoughts and submit them in obedience to God. I am tuning in more to him now moment by moment.
Post by CodepNomore on Jan 15, 2015 5:03:33 GMT -8
Due to the sensitivity of some members here, please take note that it is my personal experience or journey alone. If you are enjoying nude photos and find nothing wrong with it, then that is your business and I don't mind it. To each his/her own. Thank you.