Post by LovelyJune on Apr 2, 2014 5:42:15 GMT -8
3. Lose the expectations. If you go into a date looking for your soulmate, you will probably be sorely disappointed. Why is that? Because you’re expectations are far too high for an unsuspecting stranger who doesn’t know what you want or need and basically owes you nothing but a little common courtesy–that’s about as much as can be expected on a first date. Any more than that and you’re barking up the wrong tree. You see, understanding the concept of expectations is probably a love addict’s biggest hurdle. We have high expecations too soon, or of the wrong people, and then, once we see that our expectations are not getting met, we whine about it, but settle anyway. But there’s a simple formula for expectations: we can only have high expectations of people who are healthy enough, interested enough and capable of meeting our expectations. And we also have to be willing to expect the same from ourselves. You can’t go on a first date and expect to be treated with basic human kindness and respect from someone who is not a kind and respectful person. You can’t go on a first date and expect that a person will call you back for a second date, if that person is not interested. And you can’t go on a first date (or a second or third) and start expecting that the two of you are automatically a couple. These are all unrealistic expectations and you are setting yourself up for a huge let down. More importantly, it's not your "right" to be treated any which way or have anything given to you. Expect NOTHING. And be happy. Don’t expect a call back! Don’t expect a text! Don’t expect a second date! You are owed nothing. You didn’t go on this date “expecting” a second or third date. You went on this date to simply ENJOY this person now. That’s all you get.
P.S. Having high expectations like, “I will be respected,” or "I will be treated with kindness comes under “Values." And the rule of values is that if someone doesn't share your same values or at least respect them, then it is YOUR responsibility to not have a romantic relationship with them. Your expectations, thus, come from yourself and your ability to pick and choose people you want in your life based on your values system, not from having expectations of them to change or uphold your values when it's not in their nature to do so.
P.S. Having high expectations like, “I will be respected,” or "I will be treated with kindness comes under “Values." And the rule of values is that if someone doesn't share your same values or at least respect them, then it is YOUR responsibility to not have a romantic relationship with them. Your expectations, thus, come from yourself and your ability to pick and choose people you want in your life based on your values system, not from having expectations of them to change or uphold your values when it's not in their nature to do so.