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Post by vinylscar on May 17, 2014 4:30:04 GMT -8
I'm just not doing well. It's been a few months now and I still can't get out of bed. I'm still emaciated. I still can't sleep and if I do I dream of him and the day he out of nowhere told me he can't do this anymore. I had just met his family and we were discussing marriage. He said he wants to find himself and be alone. But I found him On a dating site. He just didn't want ME in particular. It's always like this. They never want me. Ever. I'm always dumped for something better. What's the point of living when no one has ever loved me. I have so much to give but no one wants it. Not family. Friends. People I'm interested In. No one.
From Susan . . . You say you have no one. This is a hallucination. Something that you mind tells you as it is attacking you right now. We do not know why the mind turns against us from time to time. If you mind was a computer, what are you downloading. Cynicism or optimism?
The truth . . . you have yourself which should be your best friend. You have God whether you acknowledge this or not. You have us. You have friends and lovers you have never met. Those who abandoned you are gone and you can't bring them back. Send me your address and I will send you my allegory, "Where Love Abides." You will identify the lead character Sorrow. She triumphs. You will too. If you work hard for it.
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Post by vinylscar on May 17, 2014 5:19:36 GMT -8
Ironically I am a mentor for teen girls. So that's why I feel even worse.
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Post by James C T on May 17, 2014 5:34:28 GMT -8
You have value, whether or not you're in a relationship.
Let me tell you a story. I am a fairly smart person. My extended family are not exactly the brightest bulbs in the marquee. Because they didn't understand me, for a moment they had me almost believing that I was the dumb one.
It's like that with how lovable you are. Just because you are not loved by those around you (or you don't feel as if you're loved by those around you) it doesn't mean you're not lovable. This is something I have learned just in the time that I have been here on this site.
Stick around. It can get better without you ending it all. Honestly.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2014 6:32:07 GMT -8
God will take people out of your life if they dont belong there. Trust that something else is for you and you cant receive it until you are at a different place. We want you. We will help you and you help us. Dont go anywhere. TD Jakes said if people can walk out of your life, let them walk!!!
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Post by Susan Peabody on May 17, 2014 13:17:26 GMT -8
Welcome to the group. We are here to help you. Other than the posts, we have forums for emotions (depression), personality disorders (emaciation), suicide prevention, and much more. Information does not heal us, it is just a tool. But it can awaken us to one important fact. You are not alone. People will suffer if you do not out last the depression. I had just come out of a mental hospital for anorexia when I was sent to a 12-step program in 1982. When I found out I was not alone, I cried and cried. Then I followed the suggestions of older, wiser people and kept coming back. It was not perfect, but it was my salvation. I did not let personalities get in the way of my program which is why I think I lasted 31 years. I can't say it enough. Keep coming back.  |
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Post by Susan Peabody on May 17, 2014 14:03:03 GMT -8
Sometimes I get empathetic (feel others pain) instead of sympathetic (feels compassion with boundaries) and it is draining. I got a suicide note last night and it has turned into a depression. So having said what I can to encourage you, I am going now to leave and refresh myself. Others will come to you. It is an old cliché, but it is true. Hang in there. This too shall pass. P.S. Millions of people have turned to God at times like this. Saying, and meaning, "God help me," saved my life. I encourage you to try this.  |
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Post by fitbrit on May 17, 2014 18:29:07 GMT -8
Dear vinylscar,
I think I can speak for everyone on these forums when I say we've felt the way you're feeling right now. I remember not too long ago crying out to God, begging him to take me because I didn't want to live anymore. My ex said exactly the same words as yours six months ago, and I moved out of our home twp weeks later.
I think deep down in all of us is the desire to live, so God sent people to me who told me about coda and love addiction, so I started going to coda meetings and working the steps. I found these boards, along with a ton of other information about love addiction and went into no contact.
The withdrawal phase was horrendous, but I understood more about ehat it was and that helped me get through it. I also journaled, prayed and kept working my steps.
I am kearning to love and value myself from the inside out and what's really set me free is the realization that I can give myself love and comfort and no longer need to find it from a relationship.
Hang in there, but try to get busy learning about this disease and what you can do to recover. You can only go up from here.
Sending you love and hugs
FitBrit
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Post by Jacarandagirl on May 18, 2014 2:28:03 GMT -8
You are hitting a rock bottom in withdrawal from your drug- being wanted by a man. Look at it as a very good thing- you are being kicked out of the comfort zone finally by your HP so that you can start to heal. It's hard, the hardest thing in the world, to feel unloved and unlovable, but no-one is truly unloveable and everyone deserves to be loved when they are born. Even when we grow up and make awful decisons we deserve love. Life has an innate wisdom and you are part of it. xx
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Post by Sexlessw on May 18, 2014 3:47:47 GMT -8
vinylscar:
Where are you right now? Can you post? Please do and keep talking/writing/posting.
I have an utterly OT question for you - your name "vinylscar" - where does that come from? I'm curious - I'm thinking it has to do with LPs.
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dammy
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Post by dammy on Oct 22, 2014 12:44:51 GMT -8
Hello people, It was in my 2nd yr of graduation that the girl whom i loved got closer to me as a friend.she is very beautiful and i somehow managed to get her number .we started messaging each other and studying together through messages and explaining each other important lessons through whatsapp and sms .She never allowed me to call her because i know to know that her father is strict and doesnt allows her to talk to boys .Remarkable mention that she was of muslim religion and i am of other religion although i never cared about religion because love sees no religion. Our Messaging continued for about 7 months but it was only upto messaging only as i was good in my studies and when she asked me any question i used to answer on the go.I helped her out with any problem but only through messaging. The strange thing was that in the classroom she never allowed me to talk for more then a minute as if she believed that if we talk for more then a minute in front of class peoples that then there is going to be rumour that we are relationship..I respected her idea believing it that she doesnt likes .........' Months passed it went on with sms only ,,although i wanted it to grow it but she didnt allowed ...she said to me that i am only the boy with which talked the most but it wasnt that.....I became crazy because i became completely available to her at any time and any minute as if she can ask me problems in anytime...Now came the strange that after the semester she told me that "i think we should talk less" and i came to know that she was getting closer to a muslim boy although she denied of that to me that they were just friends and in the class i can see them coming closer ..... I was shocked .She never treated me the same way not even a feeling of good friends although she used to say to others that we are very good friends to her close female friends . I wanted her in my life as my partner with whom i can spent all of my life but i saw her going far ..When she needed ,she used to contact me but she doesnt needed me she used to say that she is very busy and cant talk ....... I seek help of her close friend and i told her that i love her and she said that she considers u as only good friends. I wanted her and i proposed her ...... she didnt said neither no nor yes but said that i can get someone who is better then her .. she said " stay away from me and one day u will realized that life without me is worthwhile". i was in depression as trying to get her for the past one year i lost myself .i lost my identity ,my other friends as i just was mad for her and didnt cared about anyone else. Today even after 6 months i still cant forget her i am in the 4th year of my engg and still she is my classmate ...I saw her and get into deep sense of depression like feeling that happens when we dont get what we want....... I have only 7 months to get her because after that we will be done with graduation...... Help me to get her because i really cant forget .. I dont want to remain in this depressin ... I extremely want her i believe i need improvements ... But will she come back for me .... How can i make her realize that i am the best for her... Please tell me how can i get her who rejected me  Please help me |
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dammy
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Post by dammy on Oct 22, 2014 12:46:16 GMT -8
Please check out this forum about suicide. loveaddictionforum.proboards.com/board/89/suicidalDo nothing. Meditate about your depression and what to do about it. Use affirmations. "I may feel this way, but I am not going to act." Are you clinically depressed? Then try meds. Are you situationally depressed? Then be optimistic until it passes. Situational depression has a life span.
I tried once and failed. I regret it. My partner went through with it and it destroyed me. I am so glad you are here.  If you are Christian here is an image for you.  |
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Post by Looking4peace on Oct 23, 2014 16:48:47 GMT -8
Please open yourself to the love that the universe is showing you RIGHT NOW...there are people here are who reading your thoughts, reflecting and trying to support you.... why??? because you are a fellow soul who is worthy of positive regard, respect, and compassion. You will one day return the favor and find yourself completely filled with the oneness of humanity. I suspect you cannot feel that right now, so please trust in those who have tread the path you are on now. We are with you.
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