My therapist gave me a homework assignment to look up abuse every time I want to contact my POA. I feel this was helping for a few days and now reading about abuse makes me feel like I'm the abuser rather than the abusee (is that the right word?)
I found a link that asked questions about the abuser, I found myself answering "no" to a lot of questions about my POA, I definitely would answer "yes" when thinking about my ex boyfriends. Anyway, I then began realizing that I have some abusive tendencies.
I put him down, I've let him know about his shortcomings, I ignore his feelings, emotions, thoughts, I blame him for my unhappiness, I disapprove of things he does/people he hangs out with, I feel like I've blamed him for a lot when it's all in my head or it's me being so angry at my exes. The list goes on...
So am I the abuser? Is he manipulating me? Am I also manipulating him? I mean he's told me that I'm better than him, he knows I'm more successful and I guess he has acknowledged it before... But I feel like I've shoved it in his face. I feel like ive done this way too much, I felt I could help him realize he can achieve so much more, but now that I think about it, I've been condescending and have put him down a lot. I can't remember many times where he's put me down or really made me feel small. I've done a lot to hurt him because I felt hurt.
Yea I'm confused, I'm feeling a bit guilty but not totally. I guess if I'm being abusive then I will feel horrible and need to change that behavior immediately.
Last Edit: May 22, 2014 20:55:59 GMT -8 by careforme
Post by Jacarandagirl on May 23, 2014 14:43:16 GMT -8
Yes, I agree. I've been abusive to people in my life. I've yelled at people, emotionally cut off from them, punished them that way. It takes some effort and a push through protective resistance to have to acknowledge this. Sounds like you are working well at seeing yourself more clearly. Well done.
"You deserve better than something that may be comfortable for you but you already know doesn't work and that you'll be complaining about soon enough and hoping that something or someone else will do what you can't even do for yourself. You deserve better - you deserve change".
Excerpt from www.baggagereclaim.com