Post by lilila on Jul 15, 2014 9:40:25 GMT -8
It´s been dawning on me that I have wounds over from my childhood I didn´t even know were there. I´ve known for some time now that my father is a narcisist and that he has caused a deep feeling of abandonment in me, and of feeling unworthy to be loved. Hence my tendency to get involved with self-absorbed, unavailable men.
But now I realize my mother has always been overly critical of me as well. My relationship with her has always been much easier and closer, but lately I began to notice that she does criticize me a lot, even to this day (I´m in my 40s). Just yesterday I mentioned to her that I was having some people over at my house and her reaction was No but you can´t take anyone to your house! It´s too messy, there is so much to be done before you can invite anyone! No, you´ll have to tell them they can´t come, just tell them one of the kids got sick.
Now that I wrote this down I feel it´s almost ridiculous, why would someone be so dismissive and feel entitled to say those things to me? I don´t think it´s only related to me, she´s openly critical of everyone around her, even of herself. But I notice there is a child in me who does want to feel accepted, and hear things like Oh that´s so good that you´re having new friends over after all those years of bad relationships and feeling lonely.
Because, at the same time, it does make me anxious to open up my house to other people, it´s not something I´m used to.
I´m wondering if I´m being too sensitive or reading too much into these comments? Perhaps all mothers of a certain age are like that, and feel they can meddle in their childens lives? But she was like that too when she was younger and I was a little girl, and that is what worries me. I´m thinking perhaps I accepted her criticism more readily because I was dependent on her, so I didn´t really notice it was damaging to me.
Does anyone have a similar experience? I would like to understand this situation better.
But now I realize my mother has always been overly critical of me as well. My relationship with her has always been much easier and closer, but lately I began to notice that she does criticize me a lot, even to this day (I´m in my 40s). Just yesterday I mentioned to her that I was having some people over at my house and her reaction was No but you can´t take anyone to your house! It´s too messy, there is so much to be done before you can invite anyone! No, you´ll have to tell them they can´t come, just tell them one of the kids got sick.
Now that I wrote this down I feel it´s almost ridiculous, why would someone be so dismissive and feel entitled to say those things to me? I don´t think it´s only related to me, she´s openly critical of everyone around her, even of herself. But I notice there is a child in me who does want to feel accepted, and hear things like Oh that´s so good that you´re having new friends over after all those years of bad relationships and feeling lonely.
Because, at the same time, it does make me anxious to open up my house to other people, it´s not something I´m used to.
I´m wondering if I´m being too sensitive or reading too much into these comments? Perhaps all mothers of a certain age are like that, and feel they can meddle in their childens lives? But she was like that too when she was younger and I was a little girl, and that is what worries me. I´m thinking perhaps I accepted her criticism more readily because I was dependent on her, so I didn´t really notice it was damaging to me.
Does anyone have a similar experience? I would like to understand this situation better.
