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Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 16, 2014 10:02:32 GMT -8
Age Regression and Withdrawal
Susan Peabody, 2014 Withdrawal is dangerous and should be taken seriously. It is life or death because there is a high suicide and homicide rate associated with it. (See my article Crimes of the Heart.)The root of the problem is separation anxiety.
Separation anxiety is listed in the psychological handbook called the DSM IV as a child's disorder. But adults have it too. When they have bonded and become addicted to someone they regress as far back as infancy and feel the anxiety of an infant crying endlessly in his crib for food or attention.
All children go through a phase when they experience separation anxiety when mother is no longer in sight. Then they select an object to take the place of mom and can cling to the object when mom leaves the room without having an anxiety attack. Fast forward into adulthood. The adult/child picks a person to stand in for their primary caretaker to quell anxiety. When you intervene in this with a breakup then the place in our brain that is still connected our infant memory is activated. Picture a child clinging to a stuffed toy and someone grabbing it and throwing it in the garbage before the child is ready to let it go. This is traumatic then and is traumatic now when that object of affection standing in for mom or dad is snatched away when you are abandoned by your lover.
I have tried to keep a complicated concept simple, but I don't know if all this makes sense to you. I just want you to understand than withdrawal is worse than breaking up is for normal people and includes life or death feelings due to age regression. You must go to any length to get through it. I went to AA everyday for 28 years. Twice a day in the beginning. I also found a confident, wrote, read, and in general broke time down into one minute at a time. I wrote a note to a co-worker if she minded if I screamed. She said go to the bathroom and go at it. Finally, it was popular back then in the eighties to get a stuffed animal to carry wherever you went. I still have mine somewhere.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Aug 15, 2014 11:36:45 GMT -8
More thoughts on overcoming obsessions . . .
The mind is very complicated. Little is really known about what I call the repetition compulsion which sends compulsions that are so strong that only our ego and super-ego have any power to counter them. (Or God)A lack of ego strength leads to out of control compulsions like the one to fantasize about a PoA.
Imagine your brain is a computer. Try to delete old tapes or superimpose new software. To do this pick a new thought or activity to take the place of the obsessive thoughts. Let this become your new obsessive tape. I started writing in early recovery and exchanged the obsession to be loved with the desire to be an author. (Be careful what you choose to take the place of the fantasies and other old software. Don't exchange the old stuff with new unhealthy addictions.)
I also filled my head with stuff I heard at meetings every day, working the steps. I filled my whole head with recovery stuff and affirmations and eventually they took the place of the obsession about my PoA. I call all this displacement, transference, changing your mind, or pushing aside the obsession. Hard, but others have done it.
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Post by feelingcrazy3101 on Nov 25, 2014 15:41:07 GMT -8
More thoughts on overcoming obsessions . . .
The mind is very complicated. Little is really known about what I call the repetition compulsion which sends compulsions that are so strong that only our ego and super-ego have any power to counter them. (Or God)A lack of ego strength leads to out of control compulsions like the one to fantasize about a PoA.
Imagine your brain is a computer. Try to delete old tapes or superimpose new software. To do this pick a new thought or activity to take the place of the obsessive thoughts. Let this become your new obsessive tape. I started writing in early recovery and exchanged the obsession to be loved with the desire to be an author. (Be careful what you choose to take the place of the fantasies and other old software. Don't exchange the old stuff with new unhealthy addictions.)
I also filled my head with stuff I heard at meetings every day, working the steps. I filled my whole head with recovery stuff and affirmations and eventually they took the place of the obsession about my PoA. I call all this displacement, transference, changing your mind, or pushing aside the obsession. Hard, but others have done it.
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maria
Junior Member
Posts: 70
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Post by maria on Feb 28, 2015 20:00:55 GMT -8
Really good old post, thank you, Susan.
I always sense that is deep subconscious work, which is why it is so hard!
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Post by SeasonsChange on Feb 28, 2015 23:50:59 GMT -8
Im glad you commented on this tonight maria it was just what I needed to read. So that I can be kind to myself and loving, instead of angry at myself for being tempted to slip.
But JUST tempted.
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Post by LovelyJune on Mar 1, 2015 4:45:10 GMT -8
I also filled my head with stuff I heard at meetings every day, working the steps. I filled my whole head with recovery stuff and affirmations and eventually they took the place of the obsession about my PoA. I call all this displacement, transference, changing your mind, or pushing aside the obsession. Hard, but others have done it.
I call it brainwashing, and I attribute much of my recovery success to having done this. I literally brainwashed myself with HEALTHY IDEALS and took action towards them. |
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Post by SeasonsChange on Mar 1, 2015 7:42:43 GMT -8
I definitely need to "wash" my poor brain! Lol
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Post by ~w~ on Mar 2, 2015 1:00:30 GMT -8
So do I . Need good spring clean! Lol. Books books and more books. This comunity . Hopefully theraphy. And will start exercises from this week. Contacted food addicts anonymous, hopefully will sort some meetings out. It's hard to find locally and during time my kids at school. But no one told us it's going to be easy!!! God by on our site!x
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Post by Susan Peabody on Mar 3, 2015 14:12:07 GMT -8
I also filled my head with stuff I heard at meetings every day, working the steps. I filled my whole head with recovery stuff and affirmations and eventually they took the place of the obsession about my PoA. I call all this displacement, transference, changing your mind, or pushing aside the obsession. Hard, but others have done it.
I call it brainwashing, and I attribute much of my recovery success to having done this. I literally brainwashed myself with HEALTHY IDEALS and took action towards them.
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Post by LovelyJune on Mar 4, 2015 2:56:18 GMT -8
Amen, sister!
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Post by ~w~ on Mar 4, 2015 13:26:30 GMT -8
Amen and aleluja  |
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paris
New Member
Posts: 1 
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Post by paris on Jul 12, 2015 21:47:55 GMT -8
Im really struggling with depression and anxiety at the moment. I tried not to contact someone but my lonlienesss took over. I feel so lost.
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Post by LovelyJune on Jul 13, 2015 5:08:01 GMT -8
It happens, Paris. A lot. Don't be so hard on yourself. Read as much as you can about love addiction and start from there. I made HUNDREDS of slips before I no longer wanted to. Before I was able to stand on my own. You will be ok. You just need to believe in yourself and learn as much as you can.  |
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Post by abetterlife on Jul 13, 2015 8:14:07 GMT -8
Paris,
Stick with recovery. For 24 hours, a day at a time. It hurts very much but it will get better. Depression and anxiety with not go away overnight, but Ive found these boards, reading about love addiction, going to meetings and a lean on any social support (healthy ones) have helped me through withdrawal in a healthy way. As time continues, it slowly subsides, and you posting on these boards was a huge first step, youre already on your way :0) It might sound silly, but I used to take note of how many times I smiled during withdrawal, sometimes its was only once or twice per day, and some days none, but as time went on the smiles and laughter returned. The best part, it didnt come from a PoA.
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Post by leahb on Jul 13, 2015 9:43:26 GMT -8
Withdrawal can be so terrible. I still get stuck sometimes thinking about former POAs and "what could have been". As a point to mention-I find many of the songs I used to love listening to and many (almost all) songs on the radio are big triggers for me. It brings me back to a certain place and a certain time and takes me out of the now. I started to really listen to the messages in pop music and music in general and thouh there are many positive songs out there, be aware some of the songs you may be listening to May actually be really causing you serious distress. That is what I found. I now try to listen to more classical music or music without lyrics so I'm not getting "caught up" in thinking patterns that do not serve me.
I hope this helps. We all suffer from withdrawal at times, but as you continue in your recovery the withdrawal gets less frequent and less severe (at least that's been my experience).
Happy healing.
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