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Post by dhafirah on Aug 14, 2014 7:08:57 GMT -8
Hi everyone. I went on vacation for over a month to visit my family. The trip was good. I needed to get away and clear my head after all that I went through last year. The thing I noticed was that sometimes I still felt depressed surrounded by family and support. I went armed with my notebook in case I wanted to write down my thoughts. I did so several times and it was helpful.
From that visit I realized that thoughts in your mind can encourage to believe that your life is not going right even when all the external proves that everything is okay. I was eager to come back home because I do not like to stay too long away. But I was nervous to come back home because it would be me and the kids again with no family. Long story short, I am putting things in order in my life by taking care of myself and yet I feel like I am in a funk. I come out of the funk through meditation, writing, reading, and listening to sound advice but then I go right back in it when a thought comes in my mind that is negative.
I understand how we are not our thoughts. However, sometimes I wish I could tell my mind to shut up because I know I am safe and doing better based on what is actually happening in my life. I think part of the problem is that I am not having a high (and nor do I want to have one from the wrong source). I am taking care of myself, my kids, taking care of my responsibilities but not overly excited about anything at the moment. I would not trade my current situation for the way I was in the past but I wish my mind and emotions would catch up with the progress. I am not going to harm myself and can reach out to my therapist and other support when necessary. I am thankful for that.
I will be glad when this phase passes because sometimes it makes me feel nauseous.
Anyone's input is greatly appreciated. Take care. |
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blue
New Member
Posts: 12 
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In a funk
Aug 14, 2014 12:06:49 GMT -8
via mobile
Post by blue on Aug 14, 2014 12:06:49 GMT -8
I don't really have any good advice but can just say that I have been feeling the same way - just numb and almost lacking any emotions or just going through the motions. Except for those occasional waves of sadness when I want to contact my POA. I have always been so over involved with emotional intensity with my relationships and now it's just hard to feel any and it's so new and different and strange. I guess this is part of the recovery process? I don't know.
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Post by dhafirah on Aug 15, 2014 5:46:34 GMT -8
Thanks blue for your reply. I am thinking you are right. We have to get used to our "new" selves. It helps to share feelings because it reminds me that I am not alone and this might be expected. After so many years of looking for outside sources to prove I am loveable and relevant, it takes practice to rely on myself. One thing I don't want to do is go backwards even in desire or because I am "bored". Staying in reality helps also because when I have fear it's because I am worrying about what is not even happening.
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blue
New Member
Posts: 12
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In a funk
Aug 15, 2014 8:28:21 GMT -8
via mobile
Post by blue on Aug 15, 2014 8:28:21 GMT -8
Exactly. I find my thoughts drifting to a bad place when I am bored or not keeping myself busy, even if I am not fully into what I am doing at the moment. It does help to know I am not alone in this because before I found this forum recently I felt so alone in what I was going through. Just taking it day by day and trying to be kind to myself.
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Post by dhafirah on Jan 3, 2015 18:14:22 GMT -8
Hi everyone. Just giving an update. Life is great. Have my ups and downs with dealing with growth and finding/living my life's purpose. But overall I am thankful for where I am today. One of my New Year's resolutions is to be more grateful. Each day I want to focus on what I do have instead of what I don't have. Hope everyone has a great year.
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maria
Junior Member
Posts: 70
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Post by maria on Feb 8, 2015 15:15:01 GMT -8
Great! Glad to hear you are coming along in your recovery. I went through many years of recovery away from family raising 4 children, abstinence as well. I went back to school for a new degree and after 8 years I graduated with an RN, Masters in RN Case Management, and got the 4 children off to colleges. Staying sober gives you time to get your life together and be a model for the children. Best Wishes
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Post by rwatson on Mar 13, 2015 23:55:41 GMT -8
hi, so how you doin' now? give us a feedback whenever you can  |
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Post by dhafirah on Sept 10, 2015 8:57:17 GMT -8
Hi forum. I am still alive and working on myself. I have been busy raising my kids and rediscovering myself. New adventures are opening up which helps me to realize I have something to contribute to society. Sometimes I am feeling good and sometimes I feel down . But that's life. Journaling, counseling, and reading advice from others is really helping me. One thing I am learning to do is to embrace who I am without apologizing or feeling that something is wrong with me. I am more in tuned with my feelings and my values. If someone rubs me the wrong way and I feel a pain in my heart, my brain goes on alert and I become cautious. I notice it is mostly now with my interactions in platonic relations since I am not in a romantic relationship right now.
Co-dependency can manifest in romantic and platonic connections. I am cutting off or withdrawing myself from situations where I feel disrespected or devalued. It's weird because I do not feel comfortable with telling people what I think they did "wrong". I look at it as it does not work for me. My reaction might look like I am passive aggressive because I don't like confrontation. But I also know that I can be agressive so I choode to tone it down.
I have more respect for those who firmly and quickly remove themselves from people and situations that do not benefit them. What suits one person might not suit another. And we should not force ourselves to fit in where we are going to have a hard time being positive. I do not do well in situations where people are controlling and aggressive. Since emotional pain reminds me of what I don't want and cannot handle, I would rather remove myself and sort out my guilt and other emotions first privately.
This also makes me aware of how I am with others including my children. I don't want to let out negative aggression them. Sometimes I wonder why it's so painful for me and I withdraw while others confront the person or let it roll off their backs. This is especially difficult when I am taking care of business and must interact with them to get the job done. Regardless, I have to acknowledge and respect how I feel and take of care me at that moment. Does this make sense?
I hope everyone is having a good life. We can do this with the Creator's Help, resources, and our own determination.
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Post by CodepNomore on Oct 17, 2015 1:53:23 GMT -8
Hi dhafirah, how are you? We hope to hear from you. |
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Post by dhafirah on Dec 23, 2015 22:56:42 GMT -8
Hi Codepnomore . I am doing ok. Experiencing ups and downs while facing challenges as a single mother, but I am putting one foot in front of the other. Determined to go forward in a positive way. Sometimes it's scary to go alone but then I realize this is how it feels without using the drama of the relationship-obsessing as my company. Also I realized have been alone all the time as far as making important decisions for myself and now my children. I have support, just not in the home (therapy, family, and friends). I do like the direction I am going. Just need to stay alert and focused on what I want out of life. I read somewhere that we should respect where we are in life. That's what I want to do because I want to obtain everything I need to get to the next level. May the Creator Give me wisdom, guidance, and patience. Thanks for checking on me. How are you? |
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