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Post by lawoman on Sept 10, 2014 18:21:22 GMT -8
I am going on 6 weeks NC, and most of the time, I feel like I am doing OK. I keep as busy as I can. My job just ended, so it's a bit more challenging having to fill the days now. I obviously need to job hunt and go to interviews and I've been working out everyday. I usually hang out with my best friend a couple days per week, but she's been really busy and it's going to be one day per week for the next month... I think the hardest part is just how alone I feel. I am in a coffee shop right now, forcing myself to job hunt, and get out of my really hot apartment, and I look around at all the friends and couples in here. It makes me depressed. The grief and thoughts of my POA just come out of the blue. I started crying mid-workout yesterday, just thinking of him. I miss him like crazy -- but I think of the state our relationship was in, and I know this is toxic and needs to be over. I am still NC out of fear to talk to him about what he did in Vegas, and he still has not contacted me. This breakup now feels very real, whereas before I thought maybe he was just mad at me or needed some space and we would talk. But nothing. He hasn't even asked for his keys back, as he has done in the past when we've broken up. It's just quiet on every front, and the loneliness and quietness is scary. In the past during breakups, I've thrown myself into dating. This time around, I am not. I am working on myself. I am on round 3 of a job interview and feel 90% sure I am going to get the offer. I have another interview for a different company on Friday. And tonight, I am going to job hunt like crazy because I want more leads just in case the ones I have on the table fall through. I started a celebrity gossip opinion blog just for fun! I have weekly counselor sessions. Again, working out everyday. (Also not eating the greatest though -- need to work on that part. I think I have stress eating going on. I've lost weight in the past with breakups and had no appetite, but due to my relationship and job ending at the same time, I think its put into super stress mode). I see my best friend as much as I can. I go to social meet-up groups to make new friends. I would get involved in more activities, but I feel guilty doing anything until I find a new job. My energy needs to spent on that, even though I know I need to have some social aspects to my life or I will go nuts. I've been sleeping a lot, and watching Fashion Police in honor of Joan Rivers. I am scared of indulging in too much downtime, but sometimes I feel like I need to just be gentle on myself or I will go nuts. I am tired all the time -- maybe its the depression and just too much going on mentally. I also joined a Divorce/Long Relationship End Support Group. This group is fantastic. They offer a lot of support and it is amazing. We are reading the book "Safe People," and then sharing in the support group. It's really wonderful they have that support because this is so hard to go through. I was crying listening to others' stories of relationships ending after 20 years. That is absolutely terrifying and I hope that does not happen to me. I am lucky to still have my youth in all of this. I thought losing love at 31 was so hard, but I still have my 30s to find love again. When I am ready. Right now I am terrified. I keep picturing my ex with another woman, and I get really upset. And I have no idea if he even is dating someone else. I assume he might be, as it would be niave to think he isn't. Other people have told me they think he must have something going on if he's not contacting me. I still feel sad about how this has ended too. I wanted more closure, a more considerate parting. Him leaving me to go to Vegas and not talking to me again seems like a really messed up way to end such a long relationship, doesn't it? I am all over the grief wheel. Sometimes, like now, just don't know what I am doing. The loneliness can make me feel like a crazy person and I just miss him and want things to be different. But they won't be. This is my new life to build. I am trying to make each day count, but some days I have no energy at all.
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Post by lawoman on Sept 10, 2014 19:38:22 GMT -8
Just feeling empty. I think I'm gonna feel this way for a really long time
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Post by Susan Peabody on Sept 11, 2014 2:39:48 GMT -8
In my experience, two things displace (move out) loneliness. A healthy relationship with oneself, aka feeling whole or having healthy self-esteem . . . and a loving relationship with a power greater than yourself. These forms of love fill us up almost completely and many happy people don't need anything more. These relationships with God and yourself are nurtured by self-talk, affirmations, and the eighth step in a 12-Step program. The relationships develop slowly. It only takes open-mindedness to find a relationship with God and self-acceptance to love yourself. The long journey from loneliness to solitude is an important part of recovery. So, you do not have to live with loneliness. I am giving you a choice. When you have accomplished this, the best part of life begins. Nothing brings us down anymore. Even the loss of others is less painful. Fill the empty spot left by your PoA with the kind of love that is yours just for the asking. You don't have to wait for it, buy it, live without it, beg for it, or lose it. Google articles . . . www.bing.com/search?q=long+journey+from+loneliness+to+solitude&qs=n&form=QBLH&pq=long+journey+from+loneliness+to+solitude&sc=0-10&sp=-1&sk=&cvid=4ee4075d6f914211accbd34da0303645Ann Morrow Lindbergh in Women and Solitude
Naturally. How one hates to think of oneself alone. How one avoids it. It seems to imply rejection or unpopularity. An early wallflower panic still clings to the world. One will be left, one fears, sitting in a straight-backed chair alone, while the popular girls are already chosen and spinning around the dance floor with their hot-palmed partners. We seem so frightened today of being alone that we never let it happen...When the noise stops there is no inner music to take its place. We must re-learn to be alone. One Moment in Time sung by Whitney Houston Each day I live I want to be A day to give The best of me I'm only one But not alone My finest day Is yet unknown I broke my heart Fought every gain To taste the sweet I face the pain I rise and fall Yet through it all This much remains I want one moment in time When I'm more than I thought I could be When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away And the answers are all up to me Give me one moment in time When I'm racing with destiny Then in that one moment of time I will feel I will feel eternity I've lived to be The very best I want it all No time for less I've laid the plans Now lay the chance Here in my hands Give me one moment in time When I'm more than I thought I could be When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away And the answers are all up to me Give me one moment in time When I'm racing with destiny Then in that one moment of time I will feel I will feel eternity You're a winner for a lifetime If you seize that one moment in time Make it shine Give me one moment in time When I'm more than I thought I could be When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away And the answers are all up to me Give me one moment in time When I'm racing with destiny Then in that one moment of time I will be I will be I will be free I will be I will be free
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Post by Looking4peace on Sept 12, 2014 14:27:33 GMT -8
lawoman - sending you positive thoughts and energy. You are on the right track - the track to you and personal fulfillment. It can be a lonely road on this journey, but it is well worth it in the end. Please keep doing the things you are doing.....
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Post by SandyLove on Sept 13, 2014 18:45:11 GMT -8
I just got back from first SLAA meeting where they give out chips for periods of NC and other bottom line behaviors. Written on the first chip... "YOU ARE NOT ALONE." I think this is so powerful and I love this phrase. I will speak for myself, the reason why I clung so desperately and even insanely to PoAs and could not let them go, must have to do with deep seated loneliness. In my case it made sense, I made my last PoA my one and only best friend and confidiante and as things evolved there was no one else around. Even my PoA was not truly around. I was as alone as could be.
This weekend I just started alternate weekends with my ex-husband regarding custody of our kids, again after some time when I had always had them. I can say I felt less alone being in my home by myself than I have in a long time. It is a good sign.
Working these programs we are learning we are not alone, we have so many others like us suffering but learning to grow, we have ourselves and higher power... things can only get better.,
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Post by LovelyJune on Sept 14, 2014 16:35:51 GMT -8
Amazing realization. My ex husband was a chronic avoidant. I never saw him. He rarely participated in family activities. Ironically, I didn't divorce him for so long because I was afraid of being alone. Um...hello....I WAS ALONE. I was only able to see that after the divorce. Ah, hindsight.
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Post by lawoman on Sept 15, 2014 17:37:12 GMT -8
I have to remember that it is the same for me, actually. I say I have loneliness but my ex was barely around when we were together as well. He was always working or needed his "him time" when he was home. I was lonely but pretending I wasn't since I was at his house. I don't exactly know what the hell I was doing with my time. Now that it's just me, I need to face up to that and create new hobbies and fill my time. I still feel like the days go by so fast. It's hard to catch your breathe, let alone find new hobbies! But I need to try harder.
I am about to head to this break up and divorce support group. I don't know if this group feels better or worse. It makes me so sad that people are divorcing after 20 years of marriage. It makes me wonder if I can believe in love. My heart is broken for myself and the ending of my 9 year relationship but also for these other people leaving their even longer relationships.
It's funny how love and relationships don't seem absolute. They aren't black or white. It seems there is so much gray. We can love something about someone and hate other traits about them. We can want to push someone away one second and want them back the next. Love and breaking up are such complicated things. How do we ever know when it's right?
I got a new job today!!! I should be so on top of the world, but instead I am sad I cannot share the news with my POA. I have been in really weird rut. Just missing him and feeling afraid of the world without him.
Over the weekend, I was out with my friends and this guy was majorly hitting on me, and while I was flattered, I just couldn't find the energy to entertain it and I blew him off. He was a nice guy -- granted I didn't want to go with him to his hotel room like he wanted me to do -- but he was nice and really liked me, and I couldn't force myself to even care.
And then someone I used to have a huge crush on called me Sunday night. And he never calls. He normally would just text. But I got nervous and didn't feel up to taking the call, so I missed it on purpose. I texted him today and he told me he's in Chicago. I have no idea why he called and what that conversation would have been. I feel like I missed an opportunity not taking that call -- but I've just been feeling scared to feel anything. I'm trapped in my numbness. In my grief. In my pain.
Is this normal? Please help me ! I want to be happy and care for others and let others in. But I am just missing him, feel scared of love, feeling scared of starting over. Feeling like my body isn't as great as it used to be. Just feeling really low.
At least now I have a job again! I should be more excited. I don't know what's wrong with me.
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Post by lawoman on Sept 15, 2014 21:46:58 GMT -8
At this break up class, we are just looking at the grief wheel and figuring out where we are on it. I know it's not a circle -- it's more like a roller coaster. I wonder if I'm grieving correctly. I know that sounds weird, but they say if you avoid your grief, it just catches up to you later. I mean, of course I am trying to avoid pain. There are times when I burst into tears but then of course I try to pick myself back up. I am powerless to my thoughts and my depression - when he's on my mind, he's on my mind. But am I grieving correctly? And will he be grieving the loss of me? Or if he moved on to someone else, does he just get to skip that part. That seems really unfair... You sent a text It's like the wind changed your mind We were best friends Yeah, we were building our life With every kiss, and every letter Every promise of forever, oh But you hit "Send" And disappeared in front of my eyes And now you’re just a ghost When I look back never would have known that You could be so cold Like a stranger vanish like a vapor There's just an echo where your heart used to be Now I see it clearly And there's just a pillow where your head used to sleep My vision's 20/20 I see through you now Something has died Now that I have made up my mind I'll be alright It doesn't haunt me at night 'Cause every gift, and every letter, Every promise of forever Now, it's out of sight Like you were never alive And now you’re just a ghost When I look back never would have known that You could be so cold Like a stranger vanish like a vapor There's just an echo where your heart used to be Now I see it clearly And there's just a pillow where your head used to sleep My vision's 20/20 I see through you now Now, now, now, now, now Now, now, now, now, now So rest in peace I'll see you on the other side And now you’re just a ghost When I look back never would have known that You could be so cold Like a stranger vanish like a vapor There's just an echo where your heart used to be Now I see it clearly And there's just a pillow where your head used to sleep My vision's 20/20 I see through you now Now, now, now, now I see through you now Now, now, now, now I see through you now From Susan . . . lovely poem; just lovely.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Sept 16, 2014 2:24:54 GMT -8
I wonder if I'm grieving correctly. There is no right way to grieve, but there are some things you should not do. Only you know what they are. I have a list. For example, because I am an alcoholic, I cannot drink. Here is how I process feelings like separation anxiety. Identify the cause of the pain. Identify all the subsidiary feelings like anxiety, depression, anger, etc. and treat them. Talk about it. If you have one, talk to your "enlightened witness," (Alice Miller, The Drama of the Gifted Child.) If not talk to a friend you trust. Write about it. Just sit in the pain for awhile without acting out (coping in negative ways). Accept what happened. Forgive when necessary(yourself and others). Move on and repeat this process every so often or when you are triggered. * * *
My major tool is writing. Here is the journal I kept when my daughter died. loveaddictionforum.proboards.com/board/68/daily-reflections-susan-peabody
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Post by lawoman on Sept 17, 2014 10:07:18 GMT -8
Thank you, Susan! At the support group I was at, they were just saying that if you avoid grief, it catches up to you. That's why I was wondering if I am really allowing myself to grief, or if I am trying to avoid it. No one wants to just sit around and cry all the time. I also know that we have coping mechanisms that eventually help us feel more numb than sad. I think about my POA all the time. I still can't believe that he is gone and he isn't going to call and at least see if I am OK. I feel the appropriate time window for that chance has come and gone, and now it's just the reality that he doesn't care about me anymore. It feels so impossible that he does not care. How could he not? But he is an abandoner -- stopped taling to his parents, stopped talking to his friends. This is literally my worst fear and I'm being made to live through a nightmare. I have to keep telling myself that this world is full of amazing things to experience, and that I really wasn't going to experience any of those things with him. Being with him was all about him and his needs, and he kept me in a very limited space in his life. I wasn't the one he wanted to share fun experiences with anymore. I was really alone in the relationship and just always trying desperately to make him happy and earn his respect, even though at the end he would tell me he didn't respect me. I was always walking on eggshells and at his beck and call. We weren't enjoying the relationship. We went through a phase right before it ended, where we would just lay in bed and cuddle and watch a show together. It was really nice. I felt loved. But the show was merely a distraction from one another, I am sure. I came home one day and he had watched some episodes without me, and I felt offended, but watching that show together had become "our thing." And we had such few things together that I was hurt over this. But I knew he would get mad if I expressed so I acted like it was OK. I am not perfect. I need to work on being more responsible and being more motivated. But he was truly impossible to be with for me. We'd broken up a couple other times -- it would reach a point where I would be walking on eggshells, trying to hold it together. Trying not to cry all the time, because he said I was nothing but a child when I would cry. I felt so torn down. I don't want to go through my life feeling like that. So, why do I even miss him? I guess it was just the comfort of knowing that he knew me. It was the laughter and happiness and memories that were good. It was the way I felt taken care of by him and that I felt safe with him. But then it got to a point were I couldn't even feel safe. He's a brilliant man and I admire so many things about him, but he's difficult to be with, at least for me. I need someone more motivating, nurturing, fun-loving, and just more of a people person. I still want smart and hard working, but not workaholic and not so critical of others. He's a critic and abandon-er and I really took abuse. He criticized me so much - said I wasn't good at anything. Told me he couldn't respect me because I wasn't good at anything. And then he abandoned me. I don't want to be a victim -- but in my heart I really don't think I did anything morally wrong. I never cheated. I was completely loving and devoted. I just wasn't who he wanted me to be, I guess. But I know I am not perfect. I made mistakes. I lied about how much money I made because he's so judgmental about money. I lied because I really wanted to take the job, and I knew he wouldn't approve. Dealing with him could be so hard. I know relationships are hard, but should they be that hard? A friend of mine said, when you find the right person, it's honestly just easy. It works. It's not this push and shove all the time. I pray I improve myself and the things I need to work on. I pray that someone loves me for me someday and sees that there are things I am good at (right now, even I don't know what they are. My POA asked me to list things I am good at, and I couldn't think of anything! Isn't that a shame?) I pray I can make it out of this alive. I still pray for him not to hate me and for some kind of nicer closure, but I may never get that. I may just have to trust that he wouldn't have tried to make it work as long as he did if he didn't care about me. I may have to trust that he cared but he just cannot go on. And I shouldn't want to keep going on either. I should want out. My problem is, I never wanted out, I just wanted things between us to get better. Sometimes there is no better. Sometimes it just is what it is and it can never be better. I feel like a failure for this, because I wanted to be better and I wanted him to be better. I loved him and wanted it to be the fantasy I thought it was going to be. I didn't want to end up like this - alone and just scared of all of these transitions. It was funny, at the group someone said, you are going through a break-up and a job change at the same time. Changing your whole life at once. And I said, "yes, but not on purpose." God is just closing all kinds of doors and opening new ones. It's not up to me - it's just life happening. I didn't want my relationship or job to end - those were not my decisions. But here were are. That is what happened. My POA left for Vegas and has not contacted me since (it was only a one week trip, he didn't move or anything). And the job ended, and now I already have a new job lined up and starting next week. I hope I can embrace the new life and let go of the old one.
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Post by Sexlessw on Sept 19, 2014 3:33:21 GMT -8
Lawoman:
Lots of processing going on. I see you working through it. Congratulations on your new job, on going to the support meetings, on exercising. On just PROCESSING this ending.
This is going to take a long time. Long haul. There are NO shortcuts here. I see, through your posts, you are working through this, stage by stage. Nine years is a long time to be with somebody. Therefore, the length of the ending, of the emotions, of the sadness.
Closure comes from within. We don't need our POA's permission/understanding/reasons/feelings to find closure. His actions, from my perspective, show you closure.
Somebody once told me, perhaps I read it over on another board, "I'd rather be alone, on my own, by myself, than be alone in a relationship where my needs weren't being met." I can only imagine how many years it took that person to reach that stage.
I think it's a good thing you shut the man down at the restaurant/hotel. You, from what I read, are not ready to engage with a man just yet. Just the feeling I am getting from your posts.
YOU ARE DOING WELL. I give you power salutes. Yeah, it's hard, but I PROMISE you, once you get through this, you will embrace life like you never thought you could. Promise.
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Post by truthheals on Sept 19, 2014 18:35:33 GMT -8
Dear Lawoman,
I'm new to this forum. I just realized last week that I am a love addict. But, from what I've read, you are doing a great job. Unlike me, you are keeping busy, hanging out with friends, going to groups, and seeking help. I admire your strength and energy. Keep up the great work.
Sincerely,
TruthHeals
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Post by lawoman on Sept 21, 2014 21:42:53 GMT -8
Thank you. I am trying. I'm fine if I don't think about it too much. But on nights like this, when I think that I have ti live my life without him and that he's not coming back, I am in so much pain. He's not there to share any new experiences with. He's gone. I am sad and I miss him. We ended on horrible terms and it's been No Contact because it's just over and there's nothing to say. He doesn't want to talk to me doesn't love me anymore. And I want to talk to him, but what can I do to change his mind? I know he will just reject me and it will hurt, so why put myself through that. Plus, if he's dating someone new I'm better off not knowing. It will only upset me. But it gets to a point where it's hard to live this way. I want to talk to him and see if we can be on better terms. This really sucks and I never thought life could be like this for me or things would be this bad between us. But I think of all the cycles we've been through. I secretly hope this is just a bad time and he will call me and we will be OK. But I know this is it. Neither of us wants to keep on the rollercoaster, if it isn't working by now, its not going to and we both need to move on. That does not make it easy though.... this is so hard and I'm in so much pain. I try to stay busy so I don't think about my pain but it always finds me...
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Post by truthheals on Sept 22, 2014 8:41:54 GMT -8
I know exactly how you feel. My ex and I ended on bad terms, and he IS with someone else. But, I have to remind myself of the reasons why we broke up, and if I am honest with myself, I am much better off. I have to remember that I don't miss him--I miss being in a relationship and having the comfort of calling someone "mine." I don't miss the poor decisions he used to make as a result of being on drugs. I don't miss his mood swings when he didn't take his bipolar medication properly (or accompanied with illegal drugs). I don't miss trying to perk him up and make him happy when he was depressed. I don't miss having to work overtime because he lost his job and didn't have the motivation to get another one. I don't miss wishing and praying that he'd get himself together so we could go back to the way things were. I don't miss living in fear of when he may cheat again and give me a disease.
I've had NC with him and thankfully, I have no motivation to break that because I know I would feel worse. He is with someone else and would not tell me the things I need/want to hear to feel better. Not to mention, it would set my recovery back and I'm working really hard to overcome. It hurts that he is now doing all the things for his new woman that he used to do for me. He is also "pulling it together" as a result of being in love with her because the "high" one gets from being in a new relationship, has brought him out of his slump--for now. And does that still make me jealous? Of course it does. Does it make me feel like I wasn't good enough to inspire him to be that way for me? Sometimes--but then I have to remind myself of the realities of the situation, and of who he truly is. He is a 14 year drug addict, he is a sex/love addict, he has an addictive personality, he has bipolar depression, and this new relationship that has me feeling bad about myself, is just another form of him getting high. Once the high of this love affair wears off, he will search out new ways of getting his fix. She has no clue what she is in for. It made me feel bad when he told me she was a better match for him. As a matter of fact, it still makes me feel bad when I replay him saying it. But actually, he isn't a good match for anyone because he is broken and not in recovery. I didn't deserve that treatment, and no one deserves to live with the insecurity that accompanies being involved with him. I didn't make him use drugs. I didn't make him lie, cheat, or steal. I didn't make him choose to sooth his pain with addictions. Only now am I beginning to understand that I could not help him because he did not want to do the heavy lifting. He wanted help, but he didn't want the pain that went along with it. And, like a friend had to tell me--"no one can recover without going through pain. NO ONE." Not me, and especially not him with the multitude of addictions he has.
Additionally, she is in for pain too because she told him that she likes to "save men" which means she has an addiction as well. She would have to, to let someone that admitted to being kicked out of drug rehab, and who lost his job (and still doesn't have one), move in with her after being in a relationship with him for only a few weeks.
Lawoman, keep up the good work of distracting yourself with physical activities, friends, and support groups. I haven't been as busy as I need to be. However, it is my goal to get to that point. When I'm alone I read a lot of inspirational/spiritual messages, and I listen to a lot of inspirational/spiritual messages online. I also pray and meditate. I was told that the way we Love Addicts think during withdrawal is par for the course for our addict brains. My addict brain tells me that he and this new relationship will work out, and that he will be able to pull himself together without any therapy, recovery groups, or abstention from drugs. As a result, it makes me feel more inadequate and bad about myself for not being good/smart enough to keep him, help him, or fix him. And even though that way of thinking is just plain wrong, it doesn't totally stop me from feeling the way I feel sometimes. It is a process, not a quick fix. Quick fixes do not work and will eventually lead me right back to being needy, longing, and wanting. I want to fully recover, I want to heal, and most of all, I want peace--more than I want a relationship. Does that mean that I don't want to be in love? Quite the contrary. I just don't want to keep making the same mistakes thinking/hoping/wishing I'll get different results.
Sometimes I presume they'll get married and instead of shaking my head and feeling sorry for her it makes me sad. Instead of saying/thinking, "thank God that isn't me!" I say/think "God why couldn't that have been me?" Now, after reading everything I just wrote--which is only a tip of the iceburg of the type of behavior he engaged in--I should definitely be saying/thinking "Thank God it isn't me." But no, I'm not quite there yet. Hence, proof that I'm an addict. What woman in her right mind would want to go back to that? NO woman in her right mind would. Again, proof that I'm an addict.
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Post by Sexlessw on Sept 22, 2014 14:54:27 GMT -8
TruthHeals:
Wonderful, wonderful post. So true! About missing the relationship, not him. Breaking NC = more pain (and seemingly erasing the progress made). Your friend was 100% right about recovery and pain.
I need to give you a "Like" on this post, so I will. I hope Lawoman was able to be helped by your post.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2014 16:39:48 GMT -8
I definitely understand the way you feel. I HATED being alone in the past. But I do commend you for keeping busy and making a conscious effort to progress in your healing....even when it still hurts. You are not alone.
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Post by poetofmercury on Dec 24, 2014 20:24:10 GMT -8
The interesting thing about loneliness is that it cannot exist, you always have yourself. I still struggle with the illusion of loneliness. You should be happy to have your own company. It seems that many people here are people that I wouldn't mind having the company of. Many places on the internet you will see people bickering, snarking at each other and generally being unkind for no apparent reason. Then I discovered this forum, where everyone is kind and polite to each other at all times. It feels like I cyber-died and went to internet heaven
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Post by rwatson on Jan 27, 2015 0:47:41 GMT -8
i know what you feel. you should be happy with your company. im sure you will find some friends here.
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Post by judyjojo on May 3, 2015 7:45:29 GMT -8
It is so true that loneliness is the hardest. For me this was the first sign that something was wrong. When I couldn't be happy when left alone with myself. I think my whole love addiction comes from my inability to be alone. Just feels like it is time wasted when not spent with someone else. Like I don't exist if I am not validated by someone else.
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Post by LovelyJune on May 4, 2015 3:06:39 GMT -8
I used to feel this way. That it's time wasted if I'm not "with" someone. But that's a trick of our emotions and of faulty thinking. What is truly a waste of time is not embracing what you have, right in front of you, here and now. No matter what that may be.
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Post by Susan Peabody on May 4, 2015 12:09:30 GMT -8
It is so true that loneliness is the hardest. For me this was the first sign that something was wrong. When I couldn't be happy when left alone with myself. I think my whole love addiction comes from my inability to be alone. Just feels like it is time wasted when not spent with someone else. Like I don't exist if I am not validated by someone else. Naturally. How one hates to think of oneself alone. How one avoids it. It seems to imply rejection or unpopularity. An early wallflower panic still clings to the world. One will be left, one fears, sitting in a straight-backed chair alone, while the popular girls are already chosen and spinning around the dance floor with their hot-palmed partners. We seem so frightened today of being alone that we never let it happen...When the noise stops there is no inner music to take its place. We must re-learn to be alone. (Ann Morrow Lindbergh in Women and Solitude)
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