Post by SandyLove on Sept 15, 2014 17:16:04 GMT -8
I read this quote on someone's post, they were referring to their PoA:
"Never trust someone who says they love you, when they don't even love themselves".
I realize it refers to my parents. The onion of my life has been unpeeling through this process. I ask myself why? why did i end up love addicted? why did all this happen? why this pattern of falling in love with married men that are not only unavailable but have so little to give.
it is terrifying for me to confront that i think in reality, not only did my mother not love me but i think she hated me. i was adopted, and i think my father on some level viewed me as a short term project not a long term part of his family, what i mean when i say that is that he viewed necessary the basic costs of clothing and food and everything up to college education, but in his mind it ended there and any costs beyond were either a loan he was uncomfortable giving. it was money he was spending, not the same way a healthy person would view finances and their family. he never once spoke to me about anything such as owning a house or how i would retire, and he won't even share the information in his will with me. i think he just expected some man to show up and take away those types of problems or concerns out of his plate, but he never modeled a man who had any long term interest. so i ended up with men who had very short term interests.
it's time to change these patterns, now that i am aware of them, but it's painful to think about.
the word love was used in my house growing up, but even that was seldom. but back to the quote. they did not know how to love themselves. i must learn to forgive them... i guess.
all this was terrible for self-esteem, that's why i posted in this section. when people say they love you but their actions show they hate you, it's a problem.
"Never trust someone who says they love you, when they don't even love themselves".
I realize it refers to my parents. The onion of my life has been unpeeling through this process. I ask myself why? why did i end up love addicted? why did all this happen? why this pattern of falling in love with married men that are not only unavailable but have so little to give.
it is terrifying for me to confront that i think in reality, not only did my mother not love me but i think she hated me. i was adopted, and i think my father on some level viewed me as a short term project not a long term part of his family, what i mean when i say that is that he viewed necessary the basic costs of clothing and food and everything up to college education, but in his mind it ended there and any costs beyond were either a loan he was uncomfortable giving. it was money he was spending, not the same way a healthy person would view finances and their family. he never once spoke to me about anything such as owning a house or how i would retire, and he won't even share the information in his will with me. i think he just expected some man to show up and take away those types of problems or concerns out of his plate, but he never modeled a man who had any long term interest. so i ended up with men who had very short term interests.
it's time to change these patterns, now that i am aware of them, but it's painful to think about.
the word love was used in my house growing up, but even that was seldom. but back to the quote. they did not know how to love themselves. i must learn to forgive them... i guess.
all this was terrible for self-esteem, that's why i posted in this section. when people say they love you but their actions show they hate you, it's a problem.
