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Post by SandyLove on Sept 22, 2014 5:18:22 GMT -8
This scenario is really bizarre and I need some advice on it. I am in day 18 of n/c with the person I call P0A1, the last person I was involved with who I still have romantic obsession and compulsion to contact. I call P0A2 the romantic involvement before him with whom I still suffer romantic obsession with, broke up four 4 years ago, but have gotten over mostly compulsion to contact. These 2 are both active PoAs in my view.
I am a torchbearing love addict so I do carry around positive feelings for just about anyone I feel I have been in love with.
About one week ago while running (I have been running every day as part of my withdrawl efforts) I run by a person sitting who looks like the person I would call P0A3... he preceded both the others. I was involved with him in 2006 I think - so eight years ago. I was i love with him at that time. He was my sponsor in another program (that never works, I know) but I did know at that time that he was in SLAA. the scenario of our breakup was a little crazy, but I got over it in a reasonable amount of time for me, maybe under 6 months. I knew he was not an appropriate match for me, romantically. he was very helpful to me and we had a strong friendship. I bumped into him in the street maybe 5 years ago. he was happy to see me and I him. Just happy that we were both doing well in our lives in a healthy way. then we said goodbye and that was it. no problem.
When I saw him on my run, first I was not sure it was him. I was shocked I would bump into him and thought this is surely higher power for some reason I don't understand. I am doing this board and also SLAA so the rule is don't go back in time, go forward, so when I saw him, I just looked away, when if I were not doing SLAA I would have just said hi nice to see you. Anyway, I go running almost every day, and I have seen him a few more times. Now I am 95% sure it is him. Today it freaked me out because I don't know why higher power is putting him in my path. True, I could take another running route, but this is my route that I always take and I feel it is the best route. I feel eventually if I keep running we will make eye contact. He always seems to be there when I am there.
What should I do? I am also counting days of n/c and I don't want to lose my count I have worked so hard for. But I am not counting days of N/C with P0a3... he is just an old romance, not a current one. I am certain about this, I have no attraction for him.
thanks for any advice
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Post by SandyLove on Sept 22, 2014 14:20:13 GMT -8
Thanks for the feedback Paisley. This person was never abusive or harmful to me. I think you are right it is an opportunity to test out new found boundaries and analyze my emotions with more insight. I am not going to seek out saying hello but if our eyes meet and saying hello is the natural option, I will do so. Thank you.
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Post by Sexlessw on Sept 22, 2014 14:59:43 GMT -8
Sandy_Love:
Paisley is right - it's about you and protecting yourself. However, from what you wrote, it seems that PoA3 wasn't a horrible break up situation with pain/withdrawal, etc. So, if it happens that you meet eyes, perhaps a "hello" or a head knod or recognition is the way to go. I mean, you will be running so hard, with so much energy, you will be too winded and sweaty to stop.
Good for you for doing a good cardio move like running outside.
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Post by SandyLove on Sept 23, 2014 5:54:39 GMT -8
Today I did not see him which I thought was interesting. I think this is a test also of how mentally and emotionally distracted I get, not by everyone, but men I have been involved with. Doing this program is a move to move away from that, and recognize that that is almost like an intoxicated state. For my whole romantic life, maybe since I am 16 I have thought that state was almost like the goal of life, the funnest thing ever. Now I realize from definitely at least my past 2 relationships, maybe more, I cannot handle it. I cannot live with relationships distracting me and then the unbearable pain when they inevitably end. For some reason i think this man showing up on my running path is about showing me that.
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Post by LovelyJune on Sept 24, 2014 2:49:43 GMT -8
I think this is a test also of how mentally and emotionally distracted I get, not by everyone, but men I have been involved with. I'm so glad you were able to come to this conclusion. As love addicts, we tend to elevate moments like this by asking "what does it mean?" and by reading way too much into casual encounters. I suspect we do this because it is all part of our habit of distracting ourselves from the task of growing up, moving on, becoming responsible. A casual encounter, thus, becomes another obsession (albeit a small one) that distracts us from ourselves yet again and keeps us from the task of focusing on what we really need to focus on: being healthy, taking care of ourselves, facing our fears, facing our lives. Keep running. Run right past this guy. Run for your life.  To me, this man has come back into your life to show you how far you've come. And how far you have yet to go. He is a marker of your progress. |
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Post by SandyLove on Sept 29, 2014 17:55:57 GMT -8
This morning I went out on my morning run and realized I was starting to "look forward" to see this envisioned person who always seemed to be there. I can run but I can't run from my addictions obviously. My brain had rationalized that surely I had gotten over romantic or sexual attraction to this person, but I realized what would still be on the table: emotional dependency. Talking, communicating these things would still be possible and what am I really seeking? emotional dependency. I am frankly in such a desperate state having nearly perfectly eliminated 3 PoAs, there was a gaping whole that needed to be filled somehow. I did see the person, and this day, I did go up to them and say their name, and you know what. IT WAS NOT HIM. There is a man who looks similar to him that is there every day, but after all is said and done, this was not even him. My mind had IMAGINED him. Like a person desperate for water in the desert can see an oasis, I can look out into a world of unknown people and my mind manifested an old POA. Luckily today I am in a good mood and can see the humor in it. |
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Post by Sexlessw on Oct 1, 2014 12:51:33 GMT -8
Sandy_Love: I have to ask, did the not-xPoA ask you if you were somebody else? You never know - you could have reminded him of somebody. |
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To me, this man has come back into your life to show you how far you've come. And how far you have yet to go. He is a marker of your progress.