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Post by CodepNomore on Oct 15, 2015 3:46:55 GMT -8
I am proud of every lovely member here doing their recovery work and keeping their NC. WTG! You are the best!
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runnybabbit
New Member
Diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Time for therapy!
Posts: 20
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Post by runnybabbit on Apr 18, 2016 6:33:14 GMT -8
This is a tough question to answer. I haven't yet allowed myself the appropriate time to get over my exs. I obsess sometimes about how horrible they were and how horrible I was. Sometimes slip into obsessing over strangers with fantasizing only to feel incredibly guilty because I am in a long-term relationship right now. So I will turn to movies on most occasions to satisfy the cravings to quiet down the fantasy thoughts about those strangers or ppl I know.
Like a love Addict I truly am (painful to admit). I met my current bf of almost 4 years not knowing he was also an Addict (like my most recent bfs) of opiates until upon meeting him as friends. I had been texting him on my way to get backeracted by order of my psychiatrist. He had been very nice and worried about me as he knew it was my ex that pushed me to this point just a day before.
He wanted to take things painfully slow. I wanted to rush right in as usual. Then he had to go into rehab for suboxone. Just so you know he used opiates for his back injuries so it eventually let to dependence and he claims hell be suffering with the addiction forever because he can't live with pain and the depression of it. He's very sensitive and is upset easily.
Maybe being together for 4 years is a fluke. He swears he loves me forever and doesn't understand why I obsess over my exes and act afraid of him. We both want to see therapists for our own problems and we don't see why we should be separated just because. I think we can work things out just like every relationship with problems.
I'm at a point now that I can't take anymore feeling like stuff all the time because I'm allowing my past to trigger more pain. If we have to separate I'll only do it under calm and mutual understandings. I cannot leave him if he strongly feels we need to work together and vise versa. Im okay with this. He doesn't know the extent of my problems because I don't think he will understand. So for all he's aware he just thinks I'm hung up on my past. That's all he really needs to know as long as I'm tackling each trigger one by one alone.
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Post by CodepNomore on May 12, 2016 9:31:42 GMT -8
runnybabbit, I am sorry to hear that but thanks for sharing it. What do you do now to help you recover or move on? Do you have any self-care program or attending any support groups? I hope things will get better for you.
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runnybabbit
New Member
Diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Time for therapy!
Posts: 20
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Post by runnybabbit on Jun 1, 2016 6:30:51 GMT -8
runnybabbit, I am sorry to hear that but thanks for sharing it. What do you do now to help you recover or move on? Do you have any self-care program or attending any support groups? I hope things will get better for you. I don't know. At the moment I feel extremely emotional and want to run away. Obviously can't and won't for a lot of reasons so it makes it worse. The last time I ran away I ended up much worse off and went into backer act. I have tried to reach out to crisis centers but they are funded by the government and never get back to you soon enough. I don't have the money right now to see a doctor. I feel like giving up.
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Post by CodepNomore on Jun 5, 2016 12:41:58 GMT -8
Hi runnybabbit, I feel for you. Sometimes we find ourselves in the most trying situation and we feel hopeless. But you know you are not alone and you are enough. I also thought I could not move on or recover, but I did. I fell and failed many times but I just got up one more time. Please join a support group, have a journal where you can write down how you feel and doing. Just one day at a time. We are here for you. Please let us know how you are doing now. Thank you.
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runnybabbit
New Member
Diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Time for therapy!
Posts: 20
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Post by runnybabbit on Jun 7, 2016 20:47:41 GMT -8
Hi runnybabbit, I feel for you. Sometimes we find ourselves in the most trying situation and we feel hopeless. But you know you are not alone and you are enough. I also thought I could not move on or recover, but I did. I fell and failed many times but I just got up one more time. Please join a support group, have a journal where you can write down how you feel and doing. Just one day at a time. We are here for you. Please let us know how you are doing now. Thank you. I am going back to the out patient center to see a therapist and a doctor in a couple of days. There are three POAs currently affecting my life to the point I don't really care about living anymore. It's frustrating because I really don't want to die either. Just as bad as running away. It may as well be suicide. I am not taking opiates anymore as I became concerned about it affecting my health. Can't afford to buy beer or cigarettes either so self medication via sappy movies. I've had 0 contact with two POAs for a long time... At least 1yr or 5 months. I don't have a lot of desire to eat. I eat when I'm depressed I barely eat when very depressed. At least I'm not a conventional drug or alcohol Addict but sometimes wish it was either one of other and not this. Otherwise I would be doing whatever I could now to get my hands on the stuff. Now I'm occupied with my POAs instead.
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Post by denverdignity on Jun 8, 2016 13:56:41 GMT -8
thoughts are with you rbabbit
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runnybabbit
New Member
Diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Time for therapy!
Posts: 20
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Post by runnybabbit on Jun 8, 2016 16:55:38 GMT -8
Dear Runnybabbit,
I am glad you are soon to go and see a therapist and a doctor. You deserve all the support you can get.
Please keep coming back, Vivi
Thank you both. It is difficult to stay on track with anything. Unfortunately I had to use the money and day off from work I was saving for therapy today at the hospital. Sprained my back just before work and was in excruciating pain. So I'm on opiates and bed rest. Very disappointed that now I will have to wait another week or two to get help. I also have borderline personality disorder and difficulty with staying on track with therapy. It been on and off due to feeling like I'm better because the meds seem to work and I dislike my doctors and the clinics oh and not want to be recovered because of denial. It's just tough.
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Post by CodepNomore on Jun 11, 2016 16:30:04 GMT -8
Dear runnybabbit, We are just here for you; hoping and praying you will find the help you need and recover. We care about you. Please keep reading, learning, and sharing. So you know that you matter to us and we are in this together. Thank you.
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