Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2014 20:25:32 GMT -8
I want to get better
I want to recover but no matter how hard I try I can't escape these feelings of grief, despair, and hopelessness. Nobody around me understands. I desperately want someone to save me. The first step is limited contact with my PoA but I can't stop pleading my case. Its like if I can convince him how miserable I am without him,maybe he'll come back. But it seems to be the opposite. He hates me. He doesn't like me and calls me a cry baby. He says he resents me for depending on him to be happy. I look on his social media and see that he's doing good. It makes me hate myself even more. He gets to date other women and enjoy life.meanwhile I'm sinking. Something has to change. I cannot be a good parent until then
|
|
|
|
Post by CodepNomore on Oct 17, 2014 20:43:37 GMT -8
Yes @maddysmom, definitely something has to change...
For a start, can you share here "who you are" without mentioning your POA, his affairs and opinion of you? Only you and about you. So we can 'find' your mind here.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2014 20:48:35 GMT -8
That's a good point. Thanks. I'll give it a shot.
|
|
|
|
Post by chrysalis on Oct 18, 2014 7:52:11 GMT -8
maddysmom, I know exactly how you feel. This was how I felt when my ex POA broke up with me. I begged and pleaded. All he did was to be cold and distant. I checked his facebook and noticed how happy he was and was able to move on so quickly while I was down in the dumps. But this is not about him. It is about you. You are more than your relationship with him. He was just a drug that you thought you needed to make life bearable at least in my case that was what it was.
For now, have no contact even digital contact which means to check his online accounts even doing a simple google search on him (things which I did in withdrawal). Going NC really helped to calm me down and get my thoughts centered on myself. Take care of yourself now and lavish that love and attention on yourself. It will get better.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2014 8:58:56 GMT -8
Thank u for your kind words  And I was wondering how could I modify the No contact due to the fact we have to co parent together? And I also tend to obsess over the thought of him having sex with other women. Its so painful but I can't seem to help myself. Everything I see triggers the thoughts.. especially when I look at attractive women. I beat myself wondering if I looked like them maybe he'd still b around... From Susan . . . there is a thread about "limited contact" in the withdrawal forum. |
|
|
|
Post by Jacarandagirl on Oct 18, 2014 15:14:20 GMT -8
He's not having the life your mind is telling you. It's impossible. But while you are focusing on him, you certainly can't have the life you could have if you were able to move on. It's waiting for you.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2014 16:11:11 GMT -8
I very much relate to your struggle. This disease is all about feeling "less than." I gave my power away to my POA and felt like an empty shell of myself down at the end.
Everyone is telling you the same thing: don't listen to your sick mind. It is in withdrawal. It will tell you anything it has to to get the next "hit." This is very vey hard I know but you need to follow the advice you see here, instead of listening to yourself. (You will know when to trust your instincts again, but that time is not now.)
You can't heal a sick mind with a sick mind (yours right now). You need to tap into the "group mind" that you find here, at LA/CODA/Al-Anon meetings, in trusted recovery books, etc. And pray a lot even if you don't think it will work. Many an effective prayer begins "God I really don't think You can help me but I am desperate enough to ask . . ."
ONE DAY AT A TIME. Just put off that POA contact, that POA obsessive thought, for one day. Tell yourself "I'll consider that tomorrow. Today, no." Just get 24 hours for a start . . . .
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2014 21:46:04 GMT -8
Thank u guys so much. I appreciate the support. It has really given me the courage I need to fight this battle.
|
|
And I was wondering how could I modify the No contact due to the fact we have to co parent together? And I also tend to obsess over the thought of him having sex with other women. Its so painful but I can't seem to help myself. Everything I see triggers the thoughts.. especially when I look at attractive women. I beat myself wondering if I looked like them maybe he'd still b around...