I was teased a lot in elementary, middle, and high school. My weight has always been a huge insecurity for me. When my ego and spirit got bruised bad enough, my inner child became angry. I fought a lot and became defensive to everyone I met. My inner child felt that no one would like me once they really got to know me and that in order to protect myself, I will not accept you before I gave you the chance to not accept ME. This carried into college. I lost the weight but my inner child governed all of my actions. I was subconsciously mean to ppl I felt were "beneath me" because that was what I thought was right. I secretly relished in victimizing other ppl because for once I was glad I wasn't being the victim. My inner child tells me to be mean to ppl so that they won't hurt me. My inner child is horrified of being laughed at and rejected. When my PoA left me these traumatic feelings of powerlessness and worthlessness returned with a vengence. I also ended up gaining the weight back after having my daughter so this only worsened these feelings. I became miserable. My inner child panicked. Who will want me now? He left because my weight didn't he? He's going to find someone prettier and skinnier and better. Everyone is better than you. Truth is my inner child never believed I deserved love so even during the relationship I did a LOT of self sabotage. I am still struggling to separate this sad little girl from who I TRULY am. What worked for those of you who are in tune with your inner child?
In my experience every one is different and it may take some time to gain an understanding of your inner child, the dynamics of your psyche. So don't just listen to one person on this, try different approaches you hear about and see what works for you.
For me, I also felt a lot of anger, and saw some patterns of cold behavior toward people. It was all part of a "defensive system" to protect me from (more) pain. I had a lot of pain in childhood and evolved various defenses to keep it away in the future, including addictions and many distancing behaviors.
But over time I came to see that underneath the defenses and the anger was a lot of hurt, and sadness, and feelings of loneliness, desperation, and hopelessness. That is the core of the wounded inner child for me. My POA tapped into that in various ways, and soothed the pain with temporary hits of affirmation.
But eventually I came to see this was a dead end game. Being someone else's narcissistic "supply" was exhausting me. And the neglect just caused more pain inside. It is an awful thing to be used instrumentally by another human being. I never want to be in that situation again. My inner child took on more hurt and I and I want to prevent that in the future.
All this stuff takes some practice, and I try to keep in mind that I need to stay balanced. You will find a lot of support on this Board for ways to direct and reparent your inner child. This includes teaching her discipline, in a loving and supportive way. Parenting is not just love, love, love, it is also about setting limits and giving firm guidance. Teaching ourselves to behave according to our value systems. I like to let my little guy play, but also to direct him when what he wants is wrong.
Yea that makes a lot of sense. I'm just so afraid. Knowing better means that you now have the responsibility to DO better you know? I'm afraid that this is another battle to fight, another burden, another monkey on my back for lack of a better phrase. Also, What does playing with your inner child look like?