Feel angry, dissapointed and cynic

Am i ungratefull? How does it shows? I ve been struggling financialy since i have kids and my family have never supported me, financialy or emotionaly. They will say be strong?! Yes its easy, !! I receved property its roof i guess, where i have to move in till next thursday. I have very little money: i need to do flooring/ carpets/ pain the walls. Which is not a problem i dont mind hard work. But i have 1 single bed and no fridge, cooker. I do have orher stuff as mircrivive, washing mashing. Basicaly the wooden floor is old, its the first layer on the floor? I showed my caroenter fruend.he supprised people can just give me the keys and well manage on your own: no beds carpets. All night i was writting emails, even rang suicidle online thr pain just was to much. Did not feel anybetter. I can get cheap second hand furniture, but how i place firniture if wals and floor wasnt done. Am soo angry on myself that i fail provide for my kids. That i fail give them basic needs. I feel like a victim. And i do really hate begging!! Its soo emotionaly drainning. Hell knows what this day will bring...