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Post by ~w~ on Dec 13, 2014 1:47:43 GMT -8
I was thinking about me and why I haven't got self esteem , self value. I guess people who been I my life they all added up to it: dad, stepdad. All poa. The main I would say my mother. I haven't contacted her for few months now. She would tell to my sis to txt me, or that I would ring her. Is that normal? I don't think that anymore.. I said to my sis I ring her when I feel better and have sorted myself financially. She completely abandoned me.. It was same since I was to nursery, she was busy studying exact. Or chasing other man, dad was alcoholic.. When I got accident I was hit by car. I was 19th. I got some money that were I left home and started living with my bf. my mother was never present we lived in the same city.. I was jealous of his mum she was ringing 24-7. So we pretend to be normal, we meet up on occasions. But she was more then friend to me not woman who can teach me. I remember I tried to stop her from going to other man ( after party she went for sex) ..... Tho I never cheated on people, I can say it out load. Also I had thoughts when relationship was abusing.. So self Esteem comes from my mum and dad. They both abandoned me. ... True as you say kids see them selfs in they parents eyes.. How they reflect , what mood they in, voice off tone.. I be been very stressed angry sad lately, isolating myself. .. Hopefully little by little I will change. I love them ! I want to stop that circle. I wrote letter to my mum.. I never send it, It just cannot explain all I going through that pain, abandonment , guilt, guilt for feeling let down by them .. I don't like being much with ppl at all..
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Post by LovelyJune on Dec 13, 2014 4:48:57 GMT -8
waterlili.
It's fabulous that you figured out the source of your self-esteem. You are way ahead of many people who are out of touch with their past. Now you know! But what can you do with it? You can either continue to blame them for abandoning you, or...now that you are an adult, you can CHOOSE TO DEFINE YOURSELF. Not by their standards, but by your own.
One of the most important bits of advice I ever heard came from Dr. Phil (cheesy, I know, but..). He said something to the effect of: It's one thing when you suffer as a child. It's another when you bring all that suffering into your adult life.
Let it go. You are no longer being abandoned. You are no longer defined by your parents or under their care. You are under YOUR care. That means your self-esteem now lies in your hands.
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Post by ~w~ on Dec 13, 2014 7:21:10 GMT -8
Wau that was beautifully said, you seeing me as an adult that means a lot.how you maintain contact if the little me doesn't want as feel hurt? Where would you suggest I start on self esteem? Thank you
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2014 9:43:49 GMT -8
waterlilli - There are many ways to build self esteem. Here are a few that have helped me. Especially at first I tried to keep things very simple.
1. Self care: do something nice for yourself, every day. Does not have to be expensive or take much time. One good, healthy treat for yourself. Do you have a favorite type of tea? Make a cu before bed or first thing in the morning. Drink it while you read the "thought for the day" from Melody Beattie, or some other positive, healthy recovery message.
Or it could be a nice kind of nail polish once a week. Or a fruit smoothie. Or get takeout food for your kids, let them watch a movie, talk on the phone for 20 minutes with one of your best friends. Whatever it is, something simple and nice: just you being good to you. No self-denial, no guilt. Try it.
2. Affirmations: Just say to yourself many times each day some positive message something that counteracts the negative messaging that so many of us have from our bad childhoods. You can find your own affirmations, or try this one, which I use each day:
I am valuable. I am important. I am precious. I am whole. I am complete.
That's it, nice and simple. At the end of the day go back over and remind yourself what you did for yourself that day. Say your affirmations once more.
Do it every day. You will notice a change.
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honey
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Post by honey on Dec 14, 2014 1:10:38 GMT -8
I have found accepting the fact that you are so loved by your higher powet in which you dont need love and attention from outside of you is so heartwarming. If you receive confirmation from your peers and family and friend is good if not it doesnt matter because someone more important than them should love you and you are here to pkease your higher power or your god not anyone else  Sent from my SGH-M919V using proboards |
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honey
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Post by honey on Dec 14, 2014 1:12:23 GMT -8
A servant is a God easer not a people pleaser!! Trust in GOD and he will give you the desiresvof your heart!!  Sent from my SGH-M919V using proboards |
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Post by ~w~ on Dec 14, 2014 10:21:40 GMT -8
That's very lovely , tho I miss people friends laugh. But I guess in order to grow I need this me time, where no bad influence is present, have to trust hp and accept that it's is my way my journey home. Thank you honey bee:)))
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Post by ~w~ on Dec 14, 2014 10:24:11 GMT -8
I did nice shopping for kids. As for me love salmon crazy that is.. So instead off cigarets I ll do that. Also bath, and water. As water is good for health.x
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Post by ~w~ on Dec 14, 2014 16:50:25 GMT -8
Nice move healthy food. And smiling to my kids, when they angry or moaning.
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Post by ~w~ on Dec 14, 2014 16:51:06 GMT -8
That's what I want to share Attachments:
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Post by ~w~ on Dec 15, 2014 23:00:14 GMT -8
No cigarets for 3 weeks. Nc 1 month.
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Post by CodepNomore on Dec 16, 2014 1:27:40 GMT -8
Congrats for eliminating a toxic person and stuff from your life!
Now, since I know that you are hardworking and independent, I am challenging you to do something that would add value to your worth. Because omission/exclusion is one thing and commission/inclusion is another thing. Both would help in developing one's self-esteem.
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Post by CodepNomore on Dec 16, 2014 1:34:28 GMT -8
A servant is a God pleaser not a people pleaser!! Trust in GOD and he will give you the desiresvof your heart!! For the sake of others reading this thread currently and in the future, I would like to add the following... What is that "being a God-pleaser" got to do with self-esteem?
First, no one knows us more than the One who created us. So he knows how to maximize our potential, gifts, and talents. Second, no one else can meet our needs than he does. So we will never be lacking in anything including self-esteem. Third, no one is more powerful and generous, than he is. So everything is possible with him and he can make our most impossible dreams come true for us. In short, if you trust and obey him, you are assured that all your needs will be met and blessings will follow you all the days of your life. So you will not only have self-esteem but more than that a purposeful and rewarding life! |
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Post by ~w~ on Dec 16, 2014 13:20:36 GMT -8
Beautifully said!x
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Post by ~w~ on Dec 16, 2014 13:22:05 GMT -8
How to do the following? Commission/ inclusion? What does it takes.?thanks
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2014 13:47:37 GMT -8
waterlilli - What you may be seeking is healthy "male energy." Non-sexual, non-romantic people who are safe, as part of your life, who are also male.
I need the equivalent in female energy sometimes. I get it in two places: (1) at church: friendly, warm, caring, safe, "church ladies" are great, so I am on committees, teach classes, play music at church, etc. If I feel LA issues coming up I surrender them right away, stay away from the women who are triggering me. Older women are the safest, basically people with excellent "grandmother energy." They are warm and feminine, and though I am sure many have great romantic lives they are not a problem for me in that area; and (2) at work, where there are also safe, friendly, professional women who do not trigger my LA issues.
There are also some nice friendly women where I walk my dog every night, so they count too.
Anyway you might pray for guidance, then keep your eyes open. Look for safe places and people, you will know it when you find it.
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Post by ~w~ on Dec 16, 2014 17:54:09 GMT -8
Thank you. Tbh that's how I feel at the moment, I miss some non toxin male company or woman that have experience and as you say older and do not bring me any danger. .. I hope to find that balance. And also be able to create friendships not intimate.. Can't sleep back killing:(((((
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Post by CodepNomore on Dec 17, 2014 7:05:42 GMT -8
How to do the following? Commission/ inclusion? What does it takes.?thanks Since you have omitted/excluded in your life cigarette (represents health concern) and POA (represents relationship); your "commission" now is to add anything that would represent health and relationship to you as a healthy inclusion or replacement. For example, you will add an exercise to your activity to represent health and praying to God/HP as a relationship-building. Just like a boxer who will not only be "defensive", (No Contact & No Cigars) but also would be "offensive" (Contact HP & Exercise) as well. Adding "healthy stuff/person" while subtracting "toxic stuff/person" would give you a balanced or harmonious life. On another note, if your back is hurting check your postural alignment, it may also be caused by sitting too long. (Sitting for more than 20 minutes at a time strains your lower back and so it is recommended to stand and move around every now and then.) Also do something to strengthen those areas. |
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Post by ~w~ on Dec 18, 2014 2:44:01 GMT -8
It's strange because I supposed to feel better after I stoped smoking now is constant pain, don't get me wrong I ll go to family doctor. But they give pills like sweets.. So I bought sm tablets which are safe: valerian from pressure, and other for cleansing the body which was recommended by my mum ( she's nurse). Yes back problems true , need to strengthen the muscles but at the moment I am just not up to it, to hyper or tired .. Plus angry, anxious and sad with spells off good mood and grieving cryes. Take care
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Post by loveellen on Dec 18, 2014 7:11:57 GMT -8
waterlili. It's fabulous that you figured out the source of your self-esteem. You are way ahead of many people who are out of touch with their past. Now you know! But what can you do with it? You can either continue to blame them for abandoning you, or...now that you are an adult, you can CHOOSE TO DEFINE YOURSELF. Not by their standards, but by your own. One of the most important bits of advice I ever heard came from Dr. Phil (cheesy, I know, but..). He said something to the effect of: It's one thing when you suffer as a child. It's another when you bring all that suffering into your adult life. Let it go. You are no longer being abandoned. You are no longer defined by your parents or under their care. You are under YOUR care. That means your self-esteem now lies in your hands. great！！！ |
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Post by LovelyJune on Dec 18, 2014 9:21:57 GMT -8
It's strange because I supposed to feel better after I stoped smoking now is constant pain, I do not know which smoking you are referring to, but you are absolutely not supposed to feel better right after quitting anything. You're in withdrawal. And until your physical, mental and emotion YOU has readapted to the lack of poisons and chemicals you've been feeding it, you will not feel well. You'll feel like garbage. Be on special alert for headaches, moodiness, depression, flatulence, achy-ness, stomach issues, extreme tiredness, crankiness, sleeplessness or more sleep than ever...you name it! Be patient with yourself. Be patient with your body. Allow it to readjust and find a new normal. This could take 2-6 months! |
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Post by ~w~ on Dec 18, 2014 10:55:32 GMT -8
Makes perfect sence recovery going sloe and painfull.
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Post by LovelyJune on Dec 19, 2014 2:37:31 GMT -8
Yes. Recovery can be slow and painful. Patience for the process is what is required. And a POSITIVE ATTITUDE.
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Post by CodepNomore on Dec 19, 2014 6:48:15 GMT -8
It's strange because I supposed to feel better after I stoped smoking now is constant pain, don't get me wrong I ll go to family doctor. But they give pills like sweets.. So I bought sm tablets which are safe: valerian from pressure, and other for cleansing the body which was recommended by my mum ( she's nurse). Yes back problems true , need to strengthen the muscles but at the moment I am just not up to it, to hyper or tired .. Plus angry, anxious and sad with spells off good mood and grieving cryes. Take care It usually feels worse before it feels better. Prayer can help a lot. It renews our energy and stabilize our thoughts. |
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Post by Susan Peabody on Dec 19, 2014 12:43:18 GMT -8
Affirmations at Times Like This
We are all works in progress. It is progress not perfection.
We get better one day at a time.
Be patient, God is not through with me yet.
It is two steps forward and one step back.
Things left to do:Work the steps.
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Post by ~w~ on Dec 22, 2014 22:40:59 GMT -8
Thank you I did affirmations ,feels better tho am scared off unknown ( being healthy) and am scared not be able to say no. To someone charming . Appreciate .xx
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Post by ~w~ on Dec 22, 2014 22:42:03 GMT -8
My affirmations. - I Am in control off my feelings. - I am choosing not to be victim. - I trust HP to build myself up - I am unique - I love my life just as it is at the moment. - I proud off myself for being loyal, trustworthy. - I let myself to feel my feelings and do not run from them no more. - I choose not to judge myself for what has happened in the past but say thank you for HP for suffering. - I am great-full for ppl ,who had given me advice and support. - I am worthy. - I am whole and becoming complete. - I am beautiful from inside, harmonious. - I love my kids. - I am my best friend - I choose not to judge myself for what has happened in the past but say thank you for HP for suffering. - I am great full for ppl that come to my life to teach lessons about me. - I choose to cry when am upset, not think that I am weak because off that. - food is for survival not to full fill my emotions
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Post by fufill on Apr 14, 2015 18:17:11 GMT -8
Self esteem is very hard for me especially with opposite sex relationship. I always let them treats me like trash even when I said to myself I was not going to in the beginning. I am doing the same with my husbsnd now. This d**n attachment issues I struggle with get on my nerves. Other leaves relationship w hen they are being abuse, use etc but not me.
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