Post by msdarkangel on Feb 24, 2015 16:05:04 GMT -8
I don't really know where to begin so bare with me if I ramble. I'm newly single, never been single in my life. I'm addicted to being in a relationship. I'm overly obsessed with my ex and feel so lost and empty. We were together 2 years. He was an addict. His addiction tore mine and my kids lives upside down and through it all I still love him. When he was not on the drugs, he was everything I needed and wanted and more. But over and over showed drugs were more important. Due to my living situation he was forced to move out.
Not by me. He told me before he left he was gonna get help and do right but since he's been gone, he's avoided me and made stories up to people and has also said he left me for good. Why on earth would I want someone like this? I don't really know. I can't get him out of my head. I can't hardly contain myself. All I wanna do is sleep or try n talk to him but he won't talk to me. I invested my whole being into him and he crushed me. I'm so lost and hurt and confused and it takes everything in me to not go chasing him down and trying to make him talk to me. I can't put into words the heartache I feel.
He did enough wrong in the relationship that no one in their right mind would have stuck around but through it all I did. I never done him wrong or what u would call deal breakers. I supported him and his 3 kids along with me and mine. I just kept thinking it would get better and there is still a hopeful part in me that maybe he will call or text soon. I just feel like I'm losing my mind. And I don't understand why I am like this..any advice would truly be appreciated.
Post by blondegirl on Sept 20, 2015 17:51:18 GMT -8
Hi I just found your post... How are you doing I have been chasing my obsession for 3 years He had dumped me over and over and I've taken him back He told his girlfriend about me... After she blackmailed me He threw me under the bus and then.... Came back Made light of it And I took him back Then she went to jail and we got back The day she got out, he picked her up Promised me he was dropping her off... Then disappeared with her for 10 days And I took him back I must be the naiveest fool on earth And still I love him What a joke .., And tonite I'm trying again.... No contact I hope I can do it....
I just feel like I'm losing my mind. And I don't understand why I am like this..any advice would truly be appreciated.
Because you are a love addict. It is not something to hate yourself for. But it has nothing to do with him. It is only part of who you are, and the healthy part wants change. There will come a point where the pain of actually facing your fears becomes less than the pain of continuing on the path you are on. Your awareness is there. How are you doing now? I just noticed this was written in February!
blondegirl ...you are not the "naiveest fool on earth", coming to these boards is something to be grateful for. Look at the positive steps you are taking now. Shaming ourselves only makes it worse, or at least it did for me. I went back to my ex PoA several times before I took recovery seriously, and hated myself for it. But it was part of the journey, I could slip tomorrow, but for today/this hour/this minute we choose not to...It wasn't perfect but its without doubt progress not perfection. If you slip, come RIGHT back to recovery, but the pattern will HAVE to stop soon while you still have the awareness of whats going on....so keep posting and asking questions....oh and through all this...you are still a good person.
"Eternal vigilance is the price of freedom" ---Thomas Jefferson
Post by CodepNomore on Sept 26, 2015 1:47:14 GMT -8
It really takes a lot to keep oneself in recovery; to do the right thing, to keep a boundary and a distance from a toxic person or a POA. Especially, during the first two quarters of NC, withdrawal is very, very difficult. Almost unbearable. One day, you feel good and strong, but another day you feel bad, crazy, and weak. It is usually a long and challenging process. It takes a lot of time and hard work. But it is all worth it. It feels great to be free from addiction and misery. One day at a time.
You did well in just writing without sending. NC is one of the most effective tools in recovery. So good for you for choosing you over him.
Your recovery is worth the pain of your withdrawal. Remember that "the pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow." Fantasy-based relationship is a lie. Face your reality and stay well!Kind Regards to all LAA members here, - Codepnomore