"Beauty counts. It is basic to femininity. It is highly sought, cultivated and rewarded in women, but at what cost? Why are females worshipped as the fair sex? And why do so many wind up looking good but still feeling bad about their appearance.
Beauty Bound exposes the insidious myth of female beauty and shows how idealized images cause conflicts, confusion and insecurity at every stage of life. Written in a provocative yet sympathetic style, this book provides a fresh look at the fair sex and offers reassurance on how to loosen the bonds of beauty."
Rita Freedman.
Every girl wants to be beautiful but it is a mixed blessing. When women were considered property mothers used to scar their daughters so they would not be attractive to men. Now mothers groom daughters to please men. Girls also grow up feelings they are unless they are beautiful and can attract a man. But then they always wonder if that is why they were chosen.
I used to be beautiful and didn't know it. Now I am over weight and old and people tell me I am still beautiful. They are talking about my new personality since coming to find out how much God loves me.
Let God be your mirror and you will know that your are beautiful.
Usually women are afraid of growing old because they think they will lose their beautiful. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I knew I was really loved by Frank when he said nothing about the 65 lbs I put on.
Some women will disfigure themselves to be beautiful. If the fifties women cut on their small toe to fit into pointed shoes. Models have their ovaries removed to have a flat stomach. Plastic surgery is on the rise. For more about this see "Beauty Bound," By Rita Freedman.
Some love addicts lie about their age to attract a man. Here are my thoughts about image management.
Image Management
"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image." Thomas Merton in No Man is an Island
Image management is what some people do to control someone's impressions of them through what amounts to deceit and dishonesty, or just hiding who they really are. When they are just getting to know someone, they try to:
⋅ Filter out information about themselves that may not look good.
⋅ Tell outright lies about who they are or what they have done in the past.
⋅ Tell too much about their "miserable existence" as a means of soliciting pity.
⋅ Try to make an all out effort to promote their best side. This means spending a great deal of time and energy looking just right, saying the right things, and being in the right place at the right time. It means being inflexible and a perfectionist. This is much more than just putting your best foot forward.
⋅ Become "people pleasers" to seem like an agreeable person and good choice for a partner.
Once they get into a relationship, image managers:
⋅ Try to become the person they think their lover wants them to be (no matter what the cost).
⋅ Give their partner mixed signals. This is because they vacillate between saying what they really mean and what their partner wants to hear. For example, they may initially say "no" to their partner about something and then quickly change their mind if their partner has a negative reaction. Sometimes they even volunteer to do something for their partner (as a way to score points) and then they get angry at their partner when it comes time to deliver.
People who have grown up in dysfunctional homes are almost always image managers. They rationalize this as a normal part of "getting their mate" or "putting their best foot forward," but actually their behavior is motivated by their need to control and the fear that they are unlovable. Therefore, the more insecure they are the more driven they are to protect, promote, or manage their image to ensure the survival of their relationship or keep the attention of a lover. (Children who grow up in dysfunctional homes learn image management early because they are trying to hide the truth about their family. Later it becomes a habitual way of relating to people.)
Suggestions
⋅ If you are an image manager, be more honest about who you are and learn how to be true to yourself. Do not lie or make yourself over just because you are desperate to get someone's attention. Instead, build up your self-esteem so you do not feel the need to hide behind an image or facade.
⋅ Say what you mean and then stick to it. If you say "no," don't change your mind just to keep your partner happy. Don't offer to do things you really do not want to do, or to give people things you really do not want to give them.
⋅ Work on building your self-esteem.
⋅ Find someone that does not need to change to please you and love you just the way you are.
⋅ If you are a people please then stop. Balance the things you do for your partner with what you do for yourself.
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