Post by moonlitvein on Mar 8, 2015 8:57:51 GMT -8
I have been reading on self esteem since December 2014. I have been discovering & realizing aspects of my own self. Some are fleeting thoughts. Some are taking the shape of resolutions. But if I do not put them all down in as structured a manner as possible, they will eventually remain fleeting & then they might get lost. Since I am reading an exercise oriented book I will do some of the exercises here. Some will remain in my hard copy journal. I will keep a track of realizations, resolutions & changes.
I grew up under the loving care of parents, one of whom was a floater. The other, however was a paddler. Through & through. After facing an extremely difficult situation in life, he paddled with all his might undertaking enormous personal & professional responsibilities. I have believed myself to be a paddler since I have always taken charge of situations & gone for things that I wanted to do. Not what life or family was handing down to me. The last 2 yrs have been, however, a completely different equation. I failed to stand up to my own expectations in the professional and certainly in the personal growth front. The latter simply killed me. I have realized that the second is so much more difficult to do since deadlines & motivations completely depend on me & not on any external factor, like deadlines from office.
I recently took the self esteem test and scored severely LSE. I didn't know things were this "bad" with me. I know I should not use this term. My score doesn't make me any less as a person. But it certainly means I have to understand things. How did I turn a floater after being a paddler (or so I think) for a long time?
Let me begin from scratch.