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Post by Susan Peabody on Sept 1, 2015 13:48:01 GMT -8
Your Imago is a composite of your primary caretakers and someone who manifests your own potential [opposites attract] My dad was alcoholic and weak. That is my Imago. Before recovery I married alcoholics. Then in AA I dated sober alcoholics. Then I started a career helping alcoholics. The Imago kind of hangs in there. In all my books about love addiction, I have a list of New Imago traits which matches my current husband.  I first found my Imago in this book about fathers and daughters.  . |
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Post by moonlitvein on Nov 14, 2015 23:53:36 GMT -8
I woke up today fantasising about my own death. I think a lot about my death & how as a young person I would leave my own personal things behind for my sisters and my close friends. I imagine how they will cry & pine for me and drown in sorrow. Yet they will also think of me as a good benevolent person who has put so much thought into leaving things behind for each & every family member.
Today morning I opened my eyes & imagined myself in a hospital bed breathing my last in front of mother, my sister & my brother in law. They all break down & cry. The fantasy was automatic.
My conscious mind questioned "Why do I think like this? What kind of a person am I to have automatic imagination about death first thing in the morning?" But my conscious mind also knows now that through these fantasies I am deriving sympathy, pity and praise from my family through death. All three are related to my SE.
These fantasies don't make me feel good. Susan dreams & fantasises about meeting her loved ones in heaven, which are good fantasies. Mine border on the macabre.They make me feel bad. I have been told that the most common thing that obsessive compulsive people imagine about is death, amongst other things.
Is there a root for this for people with OCD or is replacement the only answer? Also, can someone suggest a good website for personality types & traits? I don't know clearly about them. |
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Post by Susan Peabody on Nov 15, 2015 11:09:27 GMT -8
I woke up today fantasising about my own death.
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Post by moonlitvein on Jan 8, 2016 8:12:21 GMT -8
I was not having a very great New Year. Generally my new years are filled with clarity & resolutions. This time it's not though. I don't feel the way I do at the beginning of every new year. There's been a lot to do. There's a lot of work ( which I have been hoping for throughout the last year) but something is not clicking. The passion for work is going? This doesn't do good things for my SE.
I keep trying to brainwash myself with positive sayings but it's sounding hollow for the last 2 weeks. As if there's a basic lack somewhere. Sometimes I am experiencing a paralysis to act. I want to run away & not acknowledge these feelings. I want to straight away get back to being a workaholic and bury issues under piles of work!
I have not been able to write here also. But I am coming here and reading everyone's post. I'm trying to stay connected & love you people. I am sure I will snap back in a while. It's going to be a tough year. I am confused about why I am currently making certain work choices. But as I read today - Susan has said that life gets figured out through trial & error. Maybe this is my trial & error year. |
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Post by moonlitvein on Jan 8, 2016 8:16:22 GMT -8
I woke up today fantasising about my own death. Maybe the old Me is dying. Maybe there will be a new Me. Maybe I will develop my SE & be right on track. Right now I am not liking the ME I am.[/font] |
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jan 8, 2016 10:30:05 GMT -8
I like you. What is going on with you? What has messed with your self-esteem? I hope it is not wanting to be perfect or comparing yourself to others. That is against "Susan's law for those who want self esteem." Have you checked out our forum on self-esteem?. It starts with a decision to love yourself unconditionally which comes when you forgive yourself for your humanity, which we all have. What do you see when you look in the mirror? Imagine that I am in the mirror looking back at a beautiful women. And I do not mean "beauty" I mean beautiful inside. Beauty is just an accident of birth. To women in the past it was a curse. Mothers disfigured their daughters. Oops, I digress. |
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Post by moonlitvein on Jan 8, 2016 21:49:30 GMT -8
I like you. What is going on with you? What has messed with your self-esteem? I think it is too much work & wanting to handle all of them perfectly. Wanting to finish them within time which I am unable to. But most importantly wanting to feel the zeal for work that I used to feel which I am not feeling any more. And I keep thinking something is wrong with me coz of that.
Right now I have 5 things/work to handle & I don't feel the passion for it the way I used to. I can't see myself as the independent confident woman I used to be & that's doing horrible things to my SE. Also my self work & Me time has gone for a toss which I was so happy doing & I am not liking that.
I am not sure if I want to do a particular project which I have taken up. I just can't find it in me to quit it. If I quit it halfway I won't be happy. Doing it I am not feeling happy! It's kind of a mess. I'll try and figure it out. |
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Post by From the ashes on Jan 8, 2016 23:02:28 GMT -8
It sounds like your a perfectionist so it's no wonder your so hard on yourself and your self esteem is so low. I've copied a link about about aiming for ordinary. You don't need to be anything more than you are, you don't need to prove to yourself or others you are lovely as you are lovely anyway.
loveaddictionforum.proboards.com/post/126360
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jan 9, 2016 9:19:20 GMT -8
I had what they call a "day job" for 35 years until I went out on disability. I was so bored. But . . . because I was a single parent and was determined to leave welfare behind me I had no choice. But I spent every spare moment [lunch, breaks, no work periods] working on my writing which is where I get my zeal. You may be too busy at your job, but on weekends you must find your bliss. [Joseph Campbell] Campbell also said, "If you are on the right path invisible hands will come to your aid."
www.brainpickings.org/2015/04/09/find-your-bliss-joseph-campbell-power-of-myth/]
Sorry you are burned out. Is it an option to move on to a new job?
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jan 9, 2016 9:21:58 GMT -8
This is an excellent thread . . .
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Post by moonlitvein on Jan 10, 2016 10:08:57 GMT -8
Thank You for being there for me. 
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Post by caro88 on Dec 26, 2016 15:27:40 GMT -8
I would like to focus again on understanding my self esteem. It has been a while that I did not pass by here and it feels great to come back. I have been suffering silently and slowly by letting me involve in a daily routine and losing the light inside of me. It has passed a lot of things in my life and I do not know if I managed them in the best way, hope I can find a better view of my life again.
Thank you for being there
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Post by Susan Peabody on Dec 27, 2016 15:17:23 GMT -8
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Post by Susan Peabody on Dec 27, 2016 15:17:47 GMT -8
I would like to focus again on understanding my self esteem. It has been a while that I did not pass by here and it feels great to come back. I have been suffering silently and slowly by letting me involve in a daily routine and losing the light inside of me. It has passed a lot of things in my life and I do not know if I managed them in the best way, hope I can find a better view of my life again. Thank you for being there You are right. We are way ahead of you. The members of this board have created a whole section for building self-esteem and the most important thing to do after withdrawal.  |
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Post by loveelleng on Dec 28, 2017 5:30:07 GMT -8
Lack of eye contact, neglect, and abandonment are all taken seriously by the child who is at that stage of development when they feel responsible for everything going on around them. They blame themselves for even the sadness of a parent. I call this "mom sad; me bad." In small amounts this leads to low self-esteem. Also shame and self-hatred. Sometimes self-mutilation. In the worst case scenario it leads to a rejection of the self and self-alienation. This is explained in the book, The Primal Scream. Here is a link to an explanation on my website. No need to order the whole book. www.brightertomorrow.net/Original%20Wound.pdfTotally same |
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Post by claireanneh on Jul 30, 2019 0:49:58 GMT -8
Thank you for all your great pieces of advice. My path of recovery and gaining back my self-esteem was focused on achieving a healthier lifestyle and living more sustainably. That way through not focusing on myself directly I indirectly built up more self-consciousness. Firstly, I started eating healthier, and I signed up for a gym and started working out regularly. It was hard getting myself to that stage, and I had to build up a lot of processes around it, rescheduling my daily routines and buying comfortable gym clothes, finding a gym I felt pleasant in. It affected both my physical health and the way I feel about myself. Later on, I was working on decluttering my house. I got rid of everything unnecessary and the clutter that reminded me of my addiction. Only after all that I started new, ready to focus on my career and other interests that built my self-esteem. It's important to be constantly focused on all those healthier sides of your life and to spend your time as productive as you can. |
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